Amore Vietato
by blackjacklily
Summary: Amore Vietato - Forbidden Love. A love that leaves Bella Swan with broken bones and all alone. But danger is still searching for her. With the help of a rogue vampire, can Bella find the Cullens in time to do what she was born to do - destroy the Volturi?
1. Chapter 1 Far From Home

I have to thank a few people for making this happen.

First - my amazing Beta Lil Miss Golden Eyes for your kind words and gentle guidance.

Second - the talented and fan-fucking-tastical ecandme. Check out her story 'Crooked Halo's & Ink Junkies' (Seriously...you won't be disappointed.) I don't know what I would do if I wasn't up till 4am talking story-lines with you! I cannot put into words the love I have for you!

Third - my best friends Michelle & Amanda. Without you two, this story would have just sat in my documents and been forgotten. You both are persistent and believed in me when I didn't even believe in myself. You gave me so much motivation and encouragement; I can never thank you enough. I love you!

Ok - that's the last time the thank you's will be that long...just had to get that all out there!

* * *

_All the places I've been  
__And all the things I've seen  
__A million stories that made up a million shattered dreams  
The faces of people I'll never see again  
And I can't seem to find my way home_

As I shoved the last of my belongings into the back of the Jeep, I looked around once more at everything I was leaving behind. I studied the stucco ranch that once had been a happy home, filled with my mother's laughter. I glanced at the desert in the backdrop. The rich brown earth, scattered green flora, deep blue sky and puffy white clouds. I closed my eyes and raised my head towards the hot Arizona sun, letting the warmth run over my face and down my exposed arms and legs until I could feel it reach my toes. I engraved all the things I would miss in my mind so I would never forget them. This would be the last time I stood in the comfortable dry heat. By tomorrow night I would be in Forks. A small, cloud and rain covered town in the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington, 1,583 miles away from the sun and warmth that engulfed Phoenix. By tomorrow night, my tank top, shorts, and flip flops would be replaced with a sweater, jeans, and boots. With a heavy sigh, I pulled the glass on the back of the jeep shut, grabbed my cup of coffee, and climbed into the driver's seat. I turned on my iPod and scrolled down to Five Finger Death Punch, letting the pounding double bass of "White Knuckles" vibrate through the speakers.

Late into the night, I pulled off the I-5 and drove to the nearest Motel. Grabbing my duffle bag I headed into the lobby, praying they had rooms available - better yet, smoking rooms. The last thing I wanted to do was drive around trying to find another Motel. For once – luck was on my side.

Once I had settled into the room and dug my cell phone out of my purse, I crawled on the large Motel bed and lit a cigarette. I scrolled through the address book until I found Charlie's number. After the third ring, he answered the phone.

"Hello?" My father answered, his voice sounding thick with sleep.

"Dad? It's Bella. I'm sorry to wake you."

"Hey, Bella…I wasn't sleeping. Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine, Dad. I'm just checking in."

"Oh. Where are you?"

"I checked into a Best Western in Woodland. I'm going to sleep for a few hours and then head out again."

"Oh. Ok. Well be careful and I'll see you tomorrow."

"I will, Dad. See you tomorrow."

"Bells?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I'm……I'm really glad you're coming." His voice was soft with emotion.

"I know, Dad. Me too."

"Night, Bells."

"Night, Dad."

I tossed my phone on the bed, snuffed out my cigarette and laid my head on the pillow. Charlie had been great about the whole thing. He seemed genuinely happy that I was coming to live with him. Not that I had many other options. Even though I wasn't a minor, this really was the _only _option. Granted, I could afford to live on my own thanks to the money I received from my mother's life insurance policy, but I didn't want to. I didn't mind living with Charlie, he was like me in so many ways, and living with him meant I wouldn't have to be alone.

After the accident, Charlie had flown down to Phoenix to handle the funeral arrangements for my mother and Phil. He stayed with me for a week before he had to return home. I was very grateful that he was there to handle all the details, because as grown up as I sometimes felt, I was still only 18, and had no idea how to orchestrate a funeral, sell a house or any of the many other things that needed to be done.

It had been tough convincing him to let me drive up to Forks instead of flying. The fact that Charlie was the Chief of Police in Forks made him wary of letting his teenage daughter make the 24 hour drive alone. I had gently reminded him that he was the Chief in a town with a population barely over three thousand. Phoenix has a population of over a _million_ people. I would be just fine and after a week of arguing, he reluctantly gave in.

I rolled onto my side, shut off the lamp above my head, and tucked myself into fetal position. Closing my eyes, I thought of Renee; my beautiful, crazy, erratic mother. I pictured her face, her short hair, laugh lines and childlike eyes. I thought of all her crazy, wild ideas. I remembered the last time I saw her. Renee and Phil had been headed to Florida to look at houses. Phil had just accepted a position with the Jacksonville Suns baseball team. She had cupped my face in her hands, kissed my forehead and laughed.

"I'll only be away a few days Bella." She smiled. "You won't even notice I'm gone."

"Be careful please," I whispered.

"Oh honey, you're going to _love_ Jacksonville. I just know it!" She let go of my face and pulled me tightly into a hug.

"I love you Mom," I mumbled into her shoulder.

"I love you too Bella. I'll see you in a few days." She released me from her hug, grabbed my hand, smiled, and then danced away.

Three days later the phone call came. My mother and Phil had been found at the bottom of an embankment on the side of a highway. Their bodies had been so mangled it had taken the Medical Examiner two days to identify them.

I felt my tears spill over and break through my closed eyes, falling hot and fast down my cheeks and soaking the pillow. I didn't even bother wiping them away. Instead, I clutched my arms tightly around my body and fell into a restless sleep.

The next morning I woke to the screeching sound of the alarm clock. I threw my arm up in the direction of the deafening noise hoping to silence it. Instead, I managed to knock it off the nightstand and it landed with a thud on the floor.

"Shit," I groaned as I rolled myself off the bed. I picked the alarm clock up, shut it off, and placed it back on the nightstand. I grabbed my bag of toiletries out of my duffle bag and headed into the shower. I turned the water on cold, hoping it would wake me up a bit. Thankfully it did the trick. After wrapping myself in the rough, poor excuse for a towel the motel had provided, I quickly brushed my teeth and my hair and went back into the room to change. Even though it was relatively warm outside in the California sun, I knew I would soon be in Forks, so I pulled out jeans, a tank top and a sweater. The sweater I would leave on the passenger seat until I got closer to….well home I guess.

After a quick detour to get my required cup of coffee, I was on the road again, stopping only for gas and to stock up on energy drinks. As I neared Forks, the clear, star filled sky faded away replaced by low, dark clouds and the soft thudding of rain. Finally, I pulled into the driveway of the small, two-bedroom house Charlie still lived in. He had bought the house with my mother in the early days of their marriage. Turning the headlights and engine off, I took a deep breath.

_This is it_. This was home.

The front door opened, and Charlie walked out to stand under the overhang of the front porch. I reached around to the back seat, grabbed my duffel bag, and slowly climbed out of my warm, dry Jeep and stumbled into the cold rain.

"It's good to see you Bells," he said, smiling, as I climbed the front steps.

"You too Dad." I smiled back. He reached out to give me an awkward one armed hug, then took my duffle bag and headed back towards the house. We walked in silence up the stairs to my bedroom. This had been my room since I was born. Everything looked the same. The wooden floor, the pale blue walls, the yellow lace curtains, all the same. Even the rocking chair in the corner, the one from my baby days, was unchanged.

Charlie placed the duffel bag on the double sized bed and went to retrieve the rest of my things from the Jeep. When the last of my belongings were neatly stacked in the corner of the room, I began unpacking.

Charlie headed for the door then stopped and cleared his throat. "Your mother had mentioned you had taken up smoking."

"Uh huh," I answered without looking up from the suitcase I was unpacking. I had been expecting the 'Bella you shouldn't be smoking' lecture.

"Well, you are technically an adult, so I can't really lecture you." I looked at him and could see he was fighting the urge to do exactly that. "But I do have one rule. No smoking in the house, okay?"

"I can live with that. Mom had the same rule." I smiled sadly as I thought of her. I briefly wondered if the pain when thinking of her would ever go away.

He left me alone to unpack and get settled in. I heard the TV in the living room turn on and some form of sports game pour out of the speakers. I smiled.

"Some things never change," I whispered to myself.

After an hour had passed, I was settled in enough to call it a day. The drive from Woodland had been uneventful but long. All I wanted was a smoke, a shower, and my bed. I grabbed a coat, bounded down the stairs and out the front door. As I stood outside, protected from the rain by the overhang, I lit a cigarette and looked around. Even with the absence of light from the moon and stars, I could still see the forest around me covered in varying shades of green.

Despite the loud, steady beating of the rain, it was peaceful. The serenity of it washed over me, momentarily freeing me from the numbness and loneliness that I had felt since my mother's death. It was almost as if the rain was washing the Earth clean, taking with it all the pain I held deep inside. The silence was something that would take some getting used to. In Phoenix there was some type of noise 24 hours a day. The thumping of bass from a passing car, the laughter of people walking by, the sounds of the highway behind our house. Here there was nothing but the sound of crickets and rain.

I flicked my cigarette – making a mental note to put an ashtray out here – and headed back inside. I stopped in the living room before heading upstairs.

"Goodnight, Dad." I kissed him on the top of the head

"Night, kiddo. I'll wake you before I leave tomorrow."

"Thanks."

I turned and climbed the stairs, grabbing my bag of toiletries from my room, and making my way to the communal bathroom - something that would also take some getting used to. I took a quick hot shower, allowing the water to unknot my muscles. After rinsing the last of the soap from my body, I turned off the water, wrapped myself in a towel and stood facing the mirror. I began brushing through my thick, wet hair and studied the reflection staring back. I certainly didn't _look _like I was from Arizona. Weren't Arizona girls supposed to be tan, sporty, and blond? The person staring back at me was anything _but _those things. I stared at my face. It wasn't a bad face really. Framed by a mess of wild, loosely curled chestnut colored hair that fell over my shoulders, my pale, heart shaped face held deep brown eyes under a bed of thick black lashes. My lips were full and pouty and my cheekbones high. My nose was small and straight, adorned with a small silver stud. I laughed to myself as I thought of the reaction Renee had when I came home with it.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you are only 17 years old!" she had yelled while she threw her hands up in exasperation. Bringing them back to cover her face, she mumbled, "Oh God…what will the Neighbors think?"

The reaction had been almost identical when I came home with my first tattoo. After the second one…my mother simply shook her head and walked away. By the third tattoo, she pretended not to even notice. Not that she could have missed it. The intricate, black design nearly screamed at you from its permanent spot against the pale skin of my right wrist. I felt a small twinge of guilt when I thought about the hell I had put Renee through in Phoenix. I wasn't necessarily a _rebellious _teenager; I had just spent a lot of time alone while Renee travelled with Phil. It was surprising the trouble a bored, unsupervised teenager could get into.

I shook my head, trying to clear the memory. Quickly, I brushed my teeth, changed into the tank top and shorts that served as my pajamas and headed down the hallway.

I closed the door to my room, lay down on the bed and let my mind wander. I was definitely _not _looking forward to tomorrow, especially since it was my senior year. Forks High School had a total of three hundred and fifty eight students – myself included. Back home, my senior class _alone_ had more than double that! Not to mention, all the kids here had grown up together. Their parents, grandparents, maybe even great grandparents, were friends. And here I was, the new girl; the shiny new toy. What was worse is - if I thought I hadn't fit in back home - I _definitely _wasn't going to fit in here. The truth was – I didn't fit in anywhere. Period. I could never really relate to people. Even with my mother, the one person I was closest to, I was always on another page. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain; something that made me view the world differently than other people.

I sighed and rolled over to my side, once again tucking myself in fetal position and crossing my arms across my body.

**~****~**


	2. Chapter 2 Monster

Thank you to my Beta Lil Miss Golden Eyes

A big 'I heart you' to my girls Amanda, Michelle & ecandme (check out her story - Crooked Halo's and Ink Junkies)

* * *

_The secret side of me, I never let you see_  
_I keep it caged but I can't control it_  
_So stay away from me, the beast is ugly_  
_I feel the rage and I just can't hold it_

As promised, Charlie woke me in the morning. He kissed me goodbye, wished me luck and left for the police station. I dragged myself from the warmth of my bed and sulked across the cold floor to the window. Just like yesterday, it was raining.

"Surprise, surprise," I muttered as I shook my head and pushed my hands off the window sill. I stood staring out the window, mindlessly toying with the silver and onyx cross hanging around my neck. My mother had given it to me for my sixteenth birthday. The necklace had been in our family for generations, passed down from mother to daughter. In the center of the cross sat a large round onyx stone. Embedded in the top, left and right points of the cross were four smaller onyx stones, while the bottom held six. It hung on a long silver chain that caused the cross to hang low on my chest. It was the only piece of jewelry I wore.

After a few wardrobe changes and what seemed like hours, I finally found _something_ I almost felt comfortable wearing.

I walked over and studied myself in the full length mirror. The black turtle neck sweater stopped mid thigh, clinging nicely to the contours of my upper body and my legs were hugged in a pair of dark, worn, boot-cut jeans. My hair fell loosely around my shoulders, cascading half way down my back. I applied black liner and mascara to my eyes and a clear gloss to my lips.

I sighed. "I guess that's as good as it's going to get."

I grabbed my jacket, which I had thrown over the rocking chair when I unpacked, pulled on a pair of black boots and headed for the kitchen. There wasn't much in the way of food and I made a mental note to go grocery shopping after school. I had almost forgotten that Charlie rarely cooked, which was fine with me. I didn't mind taking over the cooking. It was something I did regularly in Phoenix. Cooking was not my mother's strong suit either.

I decided to skip breakfast and instead headed for the coffee pot. I dumped the day old coffee in the sink and hunted down the items required to make a fresh pot. As I waited for the coffee to brew, I turned around and leaned against the counter, anxiously tapping my foot against the white linoleum. Just like my bedroom, everything here was still the same. Pictures cluttered the fireplace in the adjoining family room; photos of my parents when they had married, infant photos of me and an array of my school photos set up in order of age progression. Unsurprisingly, I hadn't really changed much over the years.

I quickly grabbed a travel mug, prepared my coffee and tugged on my jacket. I would probably be early to school, but since I wasn't really sure _where _the school was, I figured I'd rather be early than late. Plus, it would hopefully give me time to get my schedule and find my way around the building without being _too _obvious.

I pulled my hood up, walked out into the rain and half ran, half tripped my way to the Jeep in an attempt to stay _somewhat_ dry.

_Nothing beats looking like a drowned rat on my first day of school._

Sitting for a moment, I watched the rain slide in intricate patterns down the Jeep's windshield. My Jeep - the only purchase I had made with the insurance money from mother. The rest sat in the bank for a rainy day.

"I guess that's everyday in Forks," I mumbled out loud. Finally I started the engine and backed out of the driveway.

The school wasn't nearly as hard to find as I had anticipated. Of course it helped that it was right off the highway, but then again, everything in Forks was right off the highway. One lone sign reading Forks High School marked the maroon colored buildings. I pulled into the lot and parked near the front office. After a quick mental pep talk, I climbed out of my Jeep, walked up the stone path and opened the door.

Inside, the small office was mercifully warm. I stopped and shook the beaded rain off my jacket before making my way to a red-haired woman who was stationed behind a cluttered desk. As I reached the desk, the woman looked up at me. "Good morning, dear. How can I help you?"

"I'm Isabella Swan. I'm new," I answered, putting on my best fake smile. Instantly her face lit up with recognition, then a look of sympathy washed over. _Of course she would know who I was and of course she would know about my mother's accident_. In a town this size, how could everyone not know? In that moment I missed Phoenix more than I ever had before. It reminded me of the anonymity of living in a big city.

"Of course, I am _so_ sorry to hear about your mother." She frowned. "We went to High School together. A damn shame it is."

"Thank you," I replied through my teeth, keeping the fake smile plastered on my face.

She nodded and rummaged through the stack of papers on her desk. "Just give me a moment. I know it's here somewhere."

After a few minutes of searching, she produced the papers she was looking for; my schedule and a slip I was to have signed by every teacher and return at the end of the day. I thanked her, grabbed the papers and headed back to the parking lot.

I drove around the back of the building to where the secretary informed me the student parking lot was. I must have spent longer than I thought in that small office, because as I pulled in, nearly every parking space was claimed. I drove two laps around the lot before pulling into an empty space beside a silver Volvo. I untucked my head from my hood, thankful that it had stopped raining while I was in the office. I took another deep breath, reached for the handle, and stepped out of my Jeep.

My hopes of going unnoticed were quickly dashed as every student loitering around their cars turned to look in my direction. I felt like the main attraction in some small town circus. I ducked my head down and exhaled slowly.

"Fuck me…" I mumbled under my breath as I slammed the Jeep door shut. I turned to head towards the school at the same time as a leggy blonde emerged from behind me, bumping my shoulder as she passed.

"Excuse you," she sneered.

The logical half of my brain begged me to just shut the hell up and keep walking, but the temperamental part had already had enough. Dead mother, new school, center of attention…before I could stop myself, my mouth opened.

"It's not like you couldn't see me," I hissed in her direction. Barbie stopped walking and spun around, her eyes narrowing as she glared at me.

"What did you just say?"

"Oh, so now you're blind _and_ deaf?"

"You stupid, insignificant hu--…." Barbie was cut off as a tiny girl grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Enough, Rose," the petite girl warned. Rose looked between me and the girl before turning on her heel and stomping off, grabbing the muscular arm of who I assumed to be her steroidal, grizzly wrestling, monkey man of a boyfriend; who looked entirely too amused with situation and entirely too old to still be in High School.

_Where the hell did he come from,_ I thought as I finally looked around me. It was then I noticed that I hadn't been alone. Leaning against the back of the silver car next to me was a tall, muscular, blonde boy. An equally tall, but lanky, bronze haired boy stood just outside the driver's side door, his hands resting on the roof.

_They must have been in the Volvo…shit. Nice first impression, Swan._

The blonde looked almost as amused as the boy who left with Barbie, but the bronze haired one, the better looking of the two – though both were inhumanly beautiful - had an expression of pain and confusion twisting up his flawless face. As I locked eyes with him, everything around me seemed to melt away into the background.

My eyes greedily drank in everything about him. His hair was unruly and disheveled, yet looked perfectly styled. His nose was straight and his jaw was strong and squared, which became more prominent as he clenched his teeth together behind plump, red stained lips. He was pale, too pale, his skin an almost alabaster white that seemed to shimmer slightly. Dark bruises hugged the bottom of his onyx eyes, giving him a dangerous and animalistic look.

Still he was the most perfect thing I had ever set my eyes on. Something inside me clicked and a feeling of calm washed over me, enveloping me entirely; like my soul was a puzzle that just found a piece I never knew was missing. My fingers twitched, silently begging to touch him.

Without permission, my body took a step towards him. A cold hand wrapped around my forearm, pulling me from the fog and back into reality. As awareness flooded my brain, I blushed a deep scarlet, embarrassed that I had almost thrown myself into this stranger's arms.

He inhaled deeply through his nose and his eyes closed, the muscles in his arms tensing as his hands clenched into unbreakable fists on top of the car's roof. The blonde one suddenly stiffened and walked around the side of the car, putting one hand on the boy's shoulder. He gave a small nod at the blonde, almost like a silent affirmation, and both boys visibly relaxed.

"Isabella?" I turned my head and looked down at the girl next to me. My eyebrows pulled together in confusion when I noticed that it was her hand tightly secured around my arm. She smiled up at me, her teeth unnaturally white and perfectly straight, and gently uncurled her fingers, dropping her arm back down to her side.

"Um…it's just…Bella," I stuttered, still trying to understand what had just happened and why I had felt an overwhelming urge to be close to the strange boy across from me.

"Bella…got it. I'm Alice Cullen, and this is my boyfriend, Jasper…" Turning, she pointed at the blonde. "And that's my brother Edward." She spun back around to face me. "The two who just left were my sister Rosalie and her boyfriend Emmett."

"You mean the bitch and biceps?" I asked without thinking first. _Fuck…and now I just insulted her family. Two points for that._

Alice laughed and nodded. "Yep, that would be them." Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jasper grip Edward's upper arm and pull him towards the school. Edward walked backwards a few feet, still starting intently in my direction, before allowing Jasper to turn him around and followed.

"So you're the Chief's daughter right?" Alice asked.

"Uh…yeah," I answered, my eyes still following Edward. "Listen, is your brother OK? I mean…he looks a little…distressed," I asked, snapping my attention back to the pixie before me.

She was at least a good five inches shorter than my five foot, four inch frame. Her black hair was cut short and stuck out in a hundred different directions. Like her brother, she was unusually pale with the same slight shimmer to her skin. Where his eyes were a deep black, hers were a bright honey-gold. With the stark contrast of her eyes, pale skin and black hair she was absolutely stunning; just like Edward.

She turned her head in the direction Jasper and Edward had walked off and smiled. "He'll be fine. He just doesn't believe me," she paused, shoke her head and looked back at me. "So what's your first class?"

It didn't escape my notice how she had quickly changed the subject, effectively cutting me off from further questioning. She was definitely a sly little thing.

"English. Building three I think," I answered.

"Ohh! Jasper's in that class! At least you'll know someone. Come on, I'll show you where it is. Can I see your schedule? Maybe we will have some classes together," she asked as we began walking towards the school. I fished it out of the back pocket of my jeans and handed it to her.

"Hmm…just gym. Damn. I was hoping we would have more than that." She shrugged her tiny shoulders and handed it back to me. I followed Alice around the cafeteria and down the hallway of building three until she stopped in front of a generic brown door.

"This is you. Good luck and I'll see you later, okay," she said. I nodded and entered the small classroom. I made my way over to the tall, bald headed man behind the desk and handed him my slip. Sympathy clouded his eyes as he read my name. I let out a sigh. _Really…wasn't there anyone who didn't know about Renee? _

Luckily he said nothing, handed me some papers and sent me to an empty desk in the back. As was my luck, the desk was next to Alice's boyfriend. Still embarrassed about this morning's events, I hid myself from Jasper behind a curtain of curls and read through the reading list Mr. Mason had provided. Fairly basic, all books I have read and owned.

I kept my head down until the bell rang. As I was packing my bag, a hand touched my shoulder, startling me. A let out a small yelp and dropped my bag on the floor. Jasper snorted as he knelt down and began collecting the scattered papers.

"A bit jumpy aren't we, Bella?" he asked, a slight southern accent lacing his voice. He was much more muscular than he had looked in the parking lot. His hair was a soft, golden blonde and his eyes were the same exotic shade as Alice's. _How can they both have that eye--_

"Do you and Alice wear contacts," I blurted out. I slapped my hand over my mouth and looked at him apologetically. Jasper laughed as he stood back up and handed me my papers.

"No, we don't. It's our...diet. It changes our eye color," he explained.

"What the hell kind of diet changes your eye color?" I asked skeptically as I stood from the desk. My head barely reached his shoulder. He motioned towards the door and I followed him into the hallway.

"Well, Alice and I…we're vegetarians. As is our whole family. Where's your next class, Bella?" Jasper asked, holding his hand out for what I assumed was my schedule. I grabbed it from my back pocket as I had done for Alice and handed it to him. "Building six, okay." He folded it back up and handed it back.

"Wait, what do you mean your 'whole family'? I thought you were Alice's boyfriend?" I asked as I put the schedule back in my pocket.

"Oh I am. But we all live together. Rose, Emmett, Alice, me, Edward, and our adoptive parents…Carlisle and Esme." He looked down and smiled at me. "Rose and I are twins. We were adopted by Carlisle and Esme about ten years ago. Alice and Edward were already with them by the time we came along. Emmett came into the family about a year or so after Rose and I."

"Wow. They sound like amazing people to adopt so many children."

"They are. The most amazing people you could ever meet," he responded. We turned a corner and I noticed that everyone in the hallway moved out of his way as he passed them, giving him a wide berth. I couldn't understand. They seemed almost…afraid.

"So where are you from?" he asked.

"Phoenix."

"Phoenix huh? You're awfully pale to be from a place with so much sun," he joked.

I smirked. "I'm part vampire."

Jasper stopped mid stride and stared at me. Apparently my use of sarcasm would go to waste here. "I'm kidding, Jasper."

"Right," he replied quietly and continued walking. We reached another door, which looked identical to the one Alice had walked me to, and he stopped.

"Well, have fun."

"Thanks," I said sincerely. He smiled and turned, heading down the opposite hallway.

The rest of the morning passed by rather quickly, with only one teacher making me stand and introduce myself to the class. Mostly the other students stared – I realized quickly that nose piercings and tattoos were not a common thing in Forks – but some were kind enough to introduce themselves and ask the same routine questions.

One girl, Jessica, sat next to me in two of my classes. Thankfully, one of those classes happened to be the one right before lunch, and she walked with me to the cafeteria. She was a few inches shorter than me, thin, with wildly curly hair. She talked endlessly about teachers and classes as we waited in line for our food. After we had paid, she motioned for me to follow her to a long table filled with her friends.

"Hey Jessica," A tall, thin, brunette said.

"Hey guys. This is Bella," Jessica announced proudly, waving her hand at me as if I was some prize on a cheesy game show. "That's Angela, Lauren and Mike." She pointed at each person as she introduced them, and then sat down next to Angela – the girl who had greeted us. I gave the table a small wave and sat down next to a baby faced blonde boy with pale blue eyes.

"Hi, I'm Mike." He held out his hand. I shook it and gave him a small, polite smile.

Across the table sat Lauren. A pale, blond haired girl with wide, green eyes and a thin, pointy nose. Her mouth seemed to be set in a permanent scowl and she wore entirely too much makeup. Her eyes narrowed as she noticed me looking at her.

"So what's with the nose ring and tattoo? Playing the part of the tormented teenager much?" she asked as she rolled her eyes and snorted.

"Well I guess someone has to seeing as how you landed the role of bitch." I bit back, smiling sarcastically at her before turning to look around the rest of the lunchroom. As I looked at the other students, I found myself getting significantly more annoyed with each pair of curious eyes I came in contact with. Frustrated, I turned back around and started pushing the food on my tray around, half listening to the conversation around me.

"Oh goodie, the Cullens are here," Jessica scoffed. At the mention of the Cullens, my head snapped up and followed Jessica's line of sight.

The five of them were entering the cafeteria in a V formation and gracefully walked towards the back. As they passed by our table, Alice smiled and Jasper waved. I returned the gesture and focused in on Edward. He kept his eyes on me as he walked passed. My eyes followed them as they settled into a table behind us, far from the other students in the room

"You've met the Cullens?" Jessica asked incredulously, smacking her hand down on the table to get my attention. I turned back towards her and nodded. "But they don't talk to anyone!" she whined.

"They were perfectly nice to me," I confessed. "Well except the blonde Barbie. She and I got in to it in the parking lot this morning. And I don't think Edward likes me too much, but Alice and Jasper were very friendly. I haven't actually spoken to the big one, but he seemed nice enough." I shrugged my shoulders, trying not to make a big deal over it.

Jessica stared at me slack jawed. I guess it _was_ a big deal.

"Well don't waste your time on Edward. He doesn't date. No one here seems to be good enough for him," she sniffed.

"What's the matter, Jess? Still pissed he blew you off?" Lauren asked. I bit my lip, desperately trying to hide a smile. Even though I didn't like the girl, Lauren had a point. It sure sounded like pure jealousy to me.

"He didn't blow me off, bitch. _I _wasn't interested," Jessica defended. Lauren snorted and continued picking her bagel apart.

The rest of the period passed quickly in a blur of useless gossip, weekend planning, and mundane questions about me, the new girl. Thankfully I learned that Angela had Biology next hour as well and she graciously offered to show me where it was.

As the bell rang, I quickly grabbed my tray, threw out my uneaten lunch and followed Angela towards the Biology lab.

**~****~**


	3. Chapter 3 Contradiction

Thank you to my Beta Lil Miss Golden Eyes

A big 'I heart you' to my girls Amanda, Michelle & ecandme (check out her story - Crooked Halo's and Ink Junkies)

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_I learned a lesson on my first day.  
You were far too divine._

_Don't defend what you didn't say.  
Another taste for conflict anyway.  
Pretend again who you are today,  
To give a reason to contradict again._

I slipped through the door just as the last bell rang and headed over to the large desk in the front of the room. I handed the teacher my slip of paper and he quietly introduced himself as Mr. Banner. He then motioned for me to take a seat at a table in the back. My head turned in the direction of his outstretched arm and I inhaled sharply when I saw that the only empty seat was next to the one and only, Edward Cullen. Alice had looked at my schedule. Why wouldn't she have mentioned Edward having this class? Surely she knew her brother's schedule. _Well that's just fucking fantastic. _

As I made my way to my seat, I noticed Edward become more and more tense. _I don't like this arrangement anymore than you do buddy_. I sat down and saw him quickly cover his nose and mouth with his right hand and shift his chair to far end of the table. His left hand gripped the edge of the table so tightly that it caused the muscles in his forearms to protrude from his skin. After settling in on the stool, I braved a quick glance in his direction and noticed that he was glaring at me with flagrant hatred. The look almost mirrored his expression from this morning, only then it had seemed a bit more controlled.

"What is your fucking issue?" I hissed at him. My question was met with complete silence. Throughout the entire hour his position never altered. I busied myself with taking meticulous notes, even though I had already studied the material in Phoenix, and chancing sideways glances at Edward. Seconds before the bell rang Edward shot up from his chair, grabbed his stuff and pounced for the door.

"Well fuck you too," I mumbled under my breath. As the words left my lips, I saw him glance quickly over his shoulder at me before disappearing.

I gathered up my books and bent over to begin stuffing them into my backpack. Just as I finished zippering the bag, a pair of sneakers came into my view and stopped. I slowly scanned my eyes up the person attached to the shoes until I found myself staring in the eyes of the blonde haired boy from lunch.

"Hey, Bella. Just wondering if I was lucky enough to have P.E. with you next class?" Blondie asked.

"Um…yeah actually. I'm sorry, what's your name again?" I grabbed my backpack, threw it over my shoulder and started towards the door. Blondie followed closely behind me like a lost puppy.

"Mike. Mike Newton."

"Right…Mike. I'm sorry, I'm terrible with names." I stopped walking and turned around to give him an apologetic smile.

"It's ok. So…can I walk you to P.E.?" he asked, rolling back on his heels. I bit my lower lip as I thought about his request. On one hand, something about Mike made me feel uneasy; he seemed clingy, annoying and something else. Possessive maybe? On the other hand, I really didn't feel like making any more enemies. Being an enemy of Edward _and_ Rosalie was more than enough. I figured it couldn't hurt to let the poor kid at least show me where the gym was.

"Um…sure. I don't really know where I'm going anyway," I lied. I had passed the gym at least a dozen times today and was well aware of where it was. As we walked, Mike's shoulder occasionally brushed against mine. He seemed to have no concept of personal space and it made me uncomfortable. Thankfully, we reached the gym before I snapped and made him an enemy anyway.

"Thanks for helping me out. I'll see you later, okay?" I turned and walked through the double doors before he had a chance to respond. I hunted down the gym teacher, had him sign my slip and made my way towards the locker room.

I swiftly changed and shoved my clothes into the locker. Slamming the door, I spun around and smacked into something hard, causing me to stumble backwards and hit my head against the lockers behind me. Looking down, I found myself staring at the pint sized Cullen pixie. _Jesus. For someone of her size she sure is like a fucking brick wall! _

"Shit, Alice!" I exclaimed, rubbing the back of my head. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention."

"It's ok, Bella. It was my fault. I shouldn't have snuck up on you. I just wanted to know if you wanted to be my partner for class?" she asked. Her voice had a beautiful melodic tone, reminding me of tiny bells dancing in the wind.

"Sure. But I have to warn you…I am not very athletic, or graceful for that matter, and you risk bodily harm being my partner," I admitted, laughing.

"That's alright. I think I can handle it," she replied as she shot me a wink. Snaking her tiny arm through mine, she dragged me out towards the bleachers as we waited for class to begin. _Does anybody in this damn town understand personal space?_

"So how was your first day?" she asked as we settled on the cold, hard seats of the bleachers.

"It was alright. High School is pretty much the same no matter where you are," I answered shrugging.

"True. I'm just glad you're finally here."

"What do you mean 'finally'?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

"Um...well, I kind of knew you were coming," she whispered. Her eyes were downcast, focused intently on her hands.

"Knew?" I questioned.

"Yeah. It's not a big deal really, but I can sort of _see _things." She shrugged her tiny shoulders.

"Like…a psychic?" I asked incredulously. Alice's head snapped up and a huge smile lit up her face.

"Exactly!" She squealed, grabbing my arm and pulling me off the bleachers towards the gym floor where the rest of the class was gathering.

_Psychic. Right. _

I inwardly cringed when the coach announced that we were playing volleyball. It was a very dangerous sport for someone as uncoordinated as myself. I did my best to avoid the ball while Alice pranced around the gym floor like some high strung fairy.

I managed to make it through the class relatively unscathed…only hitting two poor, unsuspecting fuckers with the ball and tripping once; a pretty significant accomplishment on my part.

After the period had ended, Alice and I changed and she offered to walk with me to the office to drop off my slip which I gratefully accepted. Crazy or not, Alice was fun. I needed fun. I needed someone like Alice to balance me out. After leaving the office, we continued towards the parking lot. Halfway across the lot, Edward stood rigidly against the side of the Volvo, staring intently in our direction.

"I don't think your brother likes us being friends," I whispered.

"Eh, fuck him. He has no say. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" She threw me a quick smile and danced off towards Edward's car. I climbed in the Jeep, lit a much needed cigarette and headed home.

As I pulled into the driveway, I was surprised to see Charlie's cruiser parked in his spot. I had been under the assumption that he didn't get home until late. I parked next to him, grabbed my bag and made my way inside.

"Hey Dad," I called out as I hung my coat up and threw my book bag at the base of the stairs.

"Hey Bells, I'm in here," he yelled back. I followed the sound of his voice towards the kitchen, stopping short in the doorway. My jaw dropped and my eyes widened as I looked around and noticed that every cabinet was open and every item in those cabinets was scattered across the counters and the table. Even the contents of the freezer sat on the table. Charlie stood in the middle of the cluster fuck, looking at me sheepishly.

"I um…I wanted to make you dinner. You know…since it was your first day and all. But…I'm not really sure what I'm doing."

I laughed as I crossed the kitchen and towards the fridge to grab a drink. "Are you usually home this early?" I asked as I popped the top of an energy drink and leaned against the counter, still eyeing the mess in the kitchen.

"No, I usually don't get home until around eight or so, but I wanted to surprise you."

"Oh, I'm surprised alright." I snickered.

"Hey, I tried."

"True. How about you _try_ to order us some pizza and I'll clean up this mess." I pushed off the counter, grabbed a handful of items and began placing them back into the cabinets while Charlie picked up the phone and started dialing.

"Got that number memorized huh?" I asked over my shoulder.

"Watch it smartass," He laughed.

I cleaned up the rest of the kitchen as we waited for the pizza to arrive. We ate in comfortable silence and after washing the dishes I grabbed an empty coffee can and headed outside. Sitting down on the top step of the porch, I lit a cigarette, inhaling the first drag deeply. It wasn't raining like it had been yesterday, but the clouds still partially cloaked the moonlight, casting ghostlike shadows across the lawn and trees. I sat for a few moments with my eyes closed, breathing in the scent of cigarette smoke and damp forest.

A soft rustling to my right caught my attention and I quickly whipped my head in the direction it had come from. I scanned the tree line looking for the cause of the noise, but there was no wind and no visible animal. An involuntary shudder rolled down my spine, raising small bumps on my skin. I stood up quickly, depositing my cigarette in the coffee can, and placed it on the corner of the porch. Chancing a quick glance once again into the forest, I made my way inside. Passing the living room I saw Charlie sitting in his favorite recliner, engrossed in a baseball game. I smiled as I climbed the stairs to my room.

I decided to check my email before I started the monotonous task of homework, so I grabbed my laptop, sat on the bed and smiled when I saw a new message from Jake. Since Jake's father, Billy Black, was Charlie's best friend, Jake had to know I was living in Forks now.

When I would visit, Charlie and I would spend weekends down at La Push on the Quileute Reservation; him fishing with Billy and Jake and I playing on the beach or hanging out in his house. I hadn't seen Jake in four years and I missed him terribly; he had been the only friend I had in Forks. I opened the email and laughed as I read the short message:

_ Hey Bells,_

_ I know you are back in town. Don't try to hide from me! Call me when you get settled in. I miss you!_

_ Love,_

_ Jake_

I hit the reply button and responded.

_ Hey Jake!_

_ Like I could ever hide from you! How about this Saturday? My house, noon? Miss you too!_

_ Love, Bells_

I clicked send and closed the laptop. Docking my iPod, I turned up the volume, allowing the hard riffs of Slipknot fill the tiny room and began working on my homework.

The rest of the night passed quickly. After finishing my homework, I took a hot shower, said goodnight to Charlie and settled into bed. Replaying the events of the day, I was thankful for the kindness of Alice and Jasper. I liked Alice, even if she was a bit too hyper and eccentric for my taste. The crazy sprite actually believed herself to be psychic. I laughed as I imagined Alice sitting at a round table, cloaked in a dark robe and holding a glass ball. It was difficult to believe she was related to that asshole brother of hers.

And what _was_ Edward's deal? Was the hostile attitude necessary? I desperately tried to convince myself that I really didn't care about Edward fucking Cullen, but no matter how much I tried, that beautiful bastard consumed my thoughts until I drifted into unconsciousness.

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**My lovely bestest friend Michelle suggested I let you all know about the lyric at the beginning of my chapters. All of my chapters are titles of songs that I either a) listened to while writing this or b) felt fit this chapter. Chapter 3's lyrics are from "Contradiction" by Sevendust...one of the most amazing, under rated bands. I personally have seen them in concert well over a dozen times and never get tired of it. Check them out...

And if you feel like...please review. I won't beg. But I am anxious to know if I am doing an okay job with this story and I can only make it better with your opinions.


	4. Chapter 4 blackbird

**Thank you Lil Miss Golden Eyes - my fantabulous Beta**

**Go check out "Crooked Halo's and Ink Junkies" by ecandme...this woman is amazing and her story is so wonderful. I love her to no end!**

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**_The willow it weeps today_  
_A breeze from the distance is calling your name_  
_Unfurl your black wings and wait_  
_Across the horizon it's coming to sweep you away_  
_It's coming to sweep you away_

_Let the wind carry you home_  
_Blackbird fly away_  
_May you never be broken again_

As the screeching of the alarm clock dragged me unhappily from sleep, I felt a chill snake down my spine. The air in the room was extremely frigid, more so than normal. I rolled over and noticed the window was open an inch, allowing the cool February air to permeate my room.

"What the fuck…." I mumbled as I sat up, wrapped the cover around my body and walked to the window, slamming it shut.

I went through the routine of finding something to wear – settling on a pair of dark jeans, a white, long sleeve, band tee and white Adidas sneakers – grabbed a travel mug of coffee and headed to school.

Thankfully the day passed swiftly and uneventfully. It was much the same as the day before, only instead of Edward glaring hatefully in Biology, he had switched to showing indifference. I could handle that. Like yesterday, Alice walked with me to the parking lot after last period, giving me a hug goodbye and dancing off towards the Volvo.

I made my way out of the parking lot and toward the only grocery store in Forks, loading up on fresh vegetables, various types of meat and other essentials. After I finished unloading the groceries, I made a list of meals for the week. It was still early evening and Charlie wouldn't be home for a little while yet, so I spent the next two hours cleaning and doing laundry until it was late enough to start dinner. I grabbed my iPod and the docking station from my room and headed back down to the kitchen.

After a brief internal debate on which playlist to choose, I decided on Sevendust. As the opening chords of "Denial" blasted from the tiny dock speakers, I danced around the kitchen, gathering ingredients. I had just started cutting potatoes when a flash of movement outside the window caught my attention. I leaned forward and squinted, searching the backyard and surrounding forest for the source of the movement, only to find them empty. I grabbed the large kitchen knife and cautiously made my way out the backdoor and onto the porch.

"Hello?" I called into the approaching darkness. The only answer was the slight rustling of leaves in the forest. I wrapped my free arm across my upper body, suddenly feeling very exposed. An uncomfortable feeling of being watched swept over me as I slowly walked backwards into the kitchen, slamming and locking the door.

"Bells?" a voice called from behind me. I spun around quickly, positioning the knife between me and the intruder.

"Jesus Christ, Bella!" Charlie exclaimed, raising his hands in mock surrender.

"Fuck, I am so sorry, Dad." Now shaking, I dropped the knife on the counter and placed both hands over my erratically beating heart. "I thought I saw something outside…and I went to check it out…but nothing was there…and I got all fucking creeped out…then next thing I know someone is behind me…and…sorry," I rushed out nervously.

Charlie lowered his hands and exhaled sharply. "Way to give your old man a heart attack kid. It was probably an animal. This isn't the city you know." He paused and scrunched up his face. "And what the _hell_ are you listening to? It's not even music! It's just screaming…" he trailed off as I crossed the kitchen laughing and turned off the iPod.

"Yeah, yeah '_old man_'," I quipped as I picked up the knife and resumed cutting. Charlie chuckled and sat down at the worn kitchen table, chatting idly as I finished cooking.

The rest of the week passed quickly, one day flowing seamlessly into the next. Saturday morning, I woke up earlier than I had planned, and after a few unsuccessful attempts to fall back asleep, I reluctantly got out of bed and headed for the shower. As I walked down the hallway, I peeked into Charlie's room and found it empty. _Fishing with Billy. There's a surprise, _I thought as I made my way to the bathroom.

I quickly showered and dressed in an old pair of ripped jeans, a black long sleeved, cotton, V neck shirt and my black Ugg boots. In an attempt to tame my tousled waves, I tied my hair in a loose ponytail as I skipped down the stairs towards the kitchen. Tapping my foot, I stood impatiently waiting for the coffee to brew. Finally fixing a cup and grabbing my pack of cigarettes I went to sit on the front porch to wait for Jake.

It was a surprisingly nice day for the middle of winter. The sun had decided to make a rare appearance, bouncing its rays off every available surface it could touch. Unfortunately, everything was still too green. Four cigarettes and three coffee refills later, Jake pulled into the driveway on a beat up black motorcycle.

I stood up, resting my hands on my hips. "Jacob Black. You do remember that Charlie is the Chief of Police right?"

"Your point, Bells?" he asked, dismounting the bike.

"My point is…are you even old enough to be riding that ancient thing?" I pointed to the beast he had parked in my driveway.

"Jeez, have you been gone that long, Bells? I'm 16 and I have my permit. Besides, I promise to be gone before Charlie gets home." He laughed as he crossed his fingers over his heart.

As he reached the bottom of the porch, I lunged off the top step of the stairs and into Jake's arms. He laughed as he caught me and crushed me to his chest.

"Can't…breathe…Jake!" Still laughing, he released me and placed me gently back on the ground.

"Christ,Jake, I think you broke a rib!" I yelled as I stood dramatically clutching my side. My eyes grew wide as I assessed my best friend. Last time I had seen Jake he was small and lanky, but the boy before me was completely different. Jake stood at least 6'7" with wide shoulders, toned muscles and his once shoulder length black hair now cropped short.

"What the hell are they feeding you down at the Rez? Jesus, you're like the fucking Jolly Green Giant. Well…in your case, the Jolly _Brown _Giant… but still!"

Jake's face grew solemn. "A lot of things have changed since the last time we saw each other, Bells. I've changed."

"No shit," I said under my breath. "Coffee?" He nodded and I climbed the stairs, grabbing my cup and pack of cigarettes. Jake followed me into the kitchen and took a seat at the table as I filled our cups and sat down across from him.

"So what's new on the Rez? Still having problems with those assholes Sam and Paul?" I asked as I took a sip of my coffee.

"Actually they're pretty cool, Bells. I don't have a problem with them anymore. We've actually sort of become…friends."

"Friends huh? Well there's a strange turn of events. Care to elaborate?"

"Not really. What about you? How's Forks treating you? Make any friends at school?" he asked, sipping his own cup.

"Nice change of topic, Jake. Don't think I didn't notice." I stuck my tongue out as he laughed. "Actually, Fork's isn't so bad. It's peaceful really. Who knew I'd actually like the rain? It sort of soothes me. After all the stress I was under in Phoenix, it's a nice change you know." I smiled sadly at him.

"Yeah, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. If you ever need to talk, I'm always here." He reached across the table, took my hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"I know. Thanks. I'm just not ready to talk about it yet."

"Ok. So tell me about school? Are they treating you nice at least?"

"Ha! For the most part. There is this one guy though. I don't know _what _his issue is. You would think I just finger banged his cat for how shitty he's treating me. But I did make friends with his sister and her boyfriend. I really like her. She's a bit hyper for my tastes, but…she compliments me well. Her name is Alice Cullen and she -" Jake cut me off before I could finish.

"CULLEN?" he yelled. "As in the Cullens who live just outside of town?"

"Well I don't know where they live, Jake, but I'm pretty sure it's the same family. What's the problem?" Jake rose from his chair and kneeled in front of me, gripping my shoulders tightly. I stared at him stunned.

"Listen to me, Bella. You need to _stay away_ from the Cullens! They're….dangerous. It's not safe for you to be near them." His eyes plead with me for understanding. Instead, it only made me angry. I pushed him back and brought my face millimeters from his.

"I don't see you for years, and you think you can just waltz in here and tell me who I can and cannot be friends with? Who the hell do you think you are? That shit doesn't fly with me, Jacob Black!" I hissed.

"Please, Bella. Just trust me on this," he pleaded.

I crossed my arms, sat back in the chair and glared at him. "Absolutely not. End of discussion."

"Bella…"

"No, Jake. I mean it. End. Of. Discussion. If you don't like it, feel free to leave." I motioned to the door with my arm. Jake sat back on his heels looking defeated.

"Fine. Just promise me you'll be careful ok?"

"Sure. Sure," I answered, using one of Jake's most overused responses. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

Jake and I spent the rest of the afternoon lazily sprawled on the couch and watching Grade B horror movies, laughing at the fact that the acting was more terrifying than the movie itself. It was something we did a lot as kids, and the familiarity of it made me smile. After a few hours, I grew antsy. I kept glancing out the big bay window, trying to figure out a way to take advantage of the rare Forks sunshine. A small smile crossed my face as an idea hit me.

"Hey Jake?" I asked, turning my head to face him. "Feel like taking me for a ride on your bike?"

Jake raised his eyebrows in response. "Are you sure, Bells? What about Charlie?"

"He shouldn't be home for awhile. I think it's safe." I winked.

"Alright then…let's go," he said as he uncurled himself from the couch and stood up. He reached out for my hand to help me up, and as I placed my hand in his, I couldn't help but notice how his massive hand dwarfed mine. Next to him, I felt like a small, fragile china doll, and that thoroughly pissed me off. I hated feeling helpless…breakable. I pushed back the negative vibes as I stood and headed for the kitchen.

I quickly shuffled around, throwing potatoes, carrots, and a pot roast in the Crockpot and set the timer. Grabbing my leather jacket from the closet, I followed Jake outside to the driveway and climbed on the back of his bike, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist. As Jake took off towards town, a wide smile broke free as I marveled in the freedom I felt perched on the back of his bike. The wind whipped around us, creating a halo of hair around my face and staining my cheeks a bright pink. We maneuvered through town and up and around the back roads until an hour later we turned back down Charlie's street. As we neared closer to the house, I saw the unmistakable outline of Charlie's police cruiser.

"Oh….fuck," I mumbled, dropping my forehead against Jake's back. Jake pulled into the driveway and cut the engine. Charlie was climbing the steps of the porch. At the sound of the bike pulling into the driveway, Charlie turned around. I knew the moment he caught sight of me because his face became an unflattering shade of red.

I smiled sheepishly as I climbed off the back of the bike. "Uhh…hi, Dad." I winced as I gave him a small wave.

"Isabella Marie Swan, get your ass up here right now!"

I turned back around to face Jake.

"I'll see you later, Jake. Thanks for the ride." He smiled at me apologetically, backed out of the driveway and disappeared down the road. I exhaled sharply and turned back towards Charlie.

"What were you thinking, Bella? Do you have any idea how many young kids I have scraped off the highway?" he asked as I climbed the steps. He turned and I followed him silently into the living room. I stood a few feet away from him and squared my shoulders.

"Jake is responsible, Dad. It's not the same as some reckless teenagers. He didn't even speed!" I tried to reason.

"I don't want to hear it, Isabella. You are _not _to get on that bike again. In fact, I have a good mind to call Billy and bitch at him too."

"Don't do that, Dad. This is about me, not Jake. Besides, I'm sure Billy knows about it," I replied softly. Just because I was fucked didn't mean Jake had to be too.

"Fine, but you young lady are grounded," he stated, narrowing his eyes.

That was all it took for me to get my defenses up. I briefly thought back to the freedom I felt racing through the wind on that motorcycle. I had felt free…alive. I decided right then I wanted one of my own. I smirked and looked Charlie square in the eyes.

"You can't ground me. I'm eighteen. I didn't break any laws. In fact, I've decided to buy a motorcycle of my own," I stated matter-of-factly and crossed my arms.

Charlie blanched. I turned on my heel and headed for the front door, leaving a stunned and speechless Charlie standing in the living room. I grabbed my keys and ran down the driveway towards my Jeep. I quickly backed out and tore down the road. Lighting a cigarette, I contemplated what I was about to do. I had no idea where to buy one, let alone what kind of bike to get. But I did know someone who did. I made a quick left and headed down the one ten towards La Push.

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Chapter lyrics by Alter Bridge, song titled "Blackbird"  
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	5. Chapter 5 LoveHate Heartbreak

**Thank you Lil Miss Golden Eyes - my fantabulous Beta**

**Go check out "Crooked Halo's and Ink Junkies" by ecandme...this woman is amazing and her story is so wonderful. I love her to no end!**

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_Between love, between hate  
Shake this silence back but it's too late  
And it haunts you, and it haunts you  
It's a love-hate heartbreak_

I pulled into the driveway of Jake's tiny one story house and laid on the horn obnoxiously. I had no desire to leave my seated position. My left leg was bobbing up and down in aggravation. I saw the curtain covering the front window briefly part and then flutter close. A second later, Jake appeared on the front porch. He cocked his head questioningly as he descended the porch stairs and made his way over to my window. I slammed my hand down on the switch, rolling it down.

"Get in," I ordered. It had taken me fifteen minutes to drive to La Push; just enough time for my anger to reach its peak. Jake's eyes widened as they traveled from my face to my bouncing knee and back up again. He shook his head as he walked around to the passenger side and climbed in.

"That bad huh?" he asked, eyeing my leg once again. I gave an unflattering snort in response and shifted the Jeep in reverse, throwing up mud as I tore out of the driveway and back onto the highway.

"He tried to _fucking_ ground me! I can't believe that shit. I am eighteen years old. He can't fucking ground me. Not only that…but just who does he think he is? Just because we share the same DNA doesn't mean he has a right to suddenly parent. Not when he spent the last eighteen years being a two week a year father!" I shouted.

If anyone knew how I operated…it was Jake. He nodded silently and looked out the window, allowing me a few minutes to calm down. When my leg had stopped its frantic movement, he took it at a sign it was safe to resume talking.

"So where are we going?" he asked quietly, looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

"To Port Angeles."

"For…" He waved his hand for me to continue.

"We're going to buy a motorcycle," I huffed.

"Christ, Bella. Seriously? All this because Charlie tried to ground you? I mean, I know you can be vindictive…and easily angered…but this…this is excessive. Even for you."

"Jake…," I warned.

"Do you even have any idea how much a bike costs?"

"Money is not an issue, Jake," I said with finality, desperately hoping he would drop the subject. He didn't. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him turn his body to and study my profile. I grimaced as I waited for the inevitable.

"This isn't about Charlie, or him trying to ground you, is it?" he questioned. I had hoped my lying skills had improved…at least where Jake was concerned. I could lie with the best of them and had a killer poker face - I had lost track of how many underground poker games I had won back in Phoenix - but Jake could always see past the bullshit and tell when it was a bluff.

I exhaled deeply and reached for my cigarettes in the door pocket. I lit it and took a deep drag before answering him.

"No. It's not _entirely _about Charlie okay. I had a motorcycle in Phoenix and when I climbed on the back of yours today it reminded me so much of home…of my mother…and I felt free. Free of the numbness, free of the pain. I just want to feel like that as much as possible," I confessed, staring straight ahead so Jake couldn't see the tears threatening to spill over.

"Damn, Bella," he whispered, rubbing one hand over his face. "Fine…I'll help you. But…if Charlie asks, I had _nothing _to do with this. I don't need shit from Billy, OK? I'm surprised Charlie didn't call him and scream when he saw us on mine."

"Yeah, I talked him out of that one. You're welcome." I shot him a sarcastic smile and he laughed.

The rest of the trip to Port Angeles was spent in comfortable silence, except for the music vibrating from the speakers. When we reached the city, I drove down the main strip until I found a Yamaha dealer. I pulled in and parked, allowing Jake to lead the way. This was his comfort zone.

An hour later I walked out the proud new owner of a deep blue FZ6 and I was in love.

I threw Jake the keys to the Jeep as I gracefully mounted my new toy. Slipping on the new matching helmet I had purchased, I smiled brilliantly. _Here it is…freedom_, I thought. Without hesitation, I started the bike and pulled out behind Jake. My body maneuvered the bike without having to consciously think about it. I guess the old adage 'just like riding a bike' worked for Motorcycles too.

We made it back to Forks in under an hour. Jake parked the Jeep next to Charlie's cruiser while I parked the bike at the top of the driveway. I placed my helmet on the seat and walked down to Jake as he slowly got out of the Jeep.

"So yeah….good luck," he said, tossing me the keys.

"Wait. Don't you need me to drive you home?" I asked, twirling the keys around my finger.

"Nope. I'm good." He closed the distance between us and wrapped me in his arms. "See you soon, Bells." He kissed the top of my head and began walking down the driveway.

"Jake!" I called. He didn't turn around; instead he waved one hand in the air and continued walking. I watched his retreating figure until he disappeared into the darkness before I turned around and walked back towards the house, grabbing my helmet off the bike seat on the way. I climbed the stairs silently, praying that Charlie was already in bed. Of course I wouldn't be that lucky. As soon as I opened the front door, I could hear a baseball game playing on the TV.

"Bella?" Charlie called out.

"Who else would be coming through the front door this late, Dad?" I followed the sound of his voice and leaned against the doorway of the living room.

"Smartass," he muttered, muting the TV and turning to look in my direction. His eyes dropped to the helmet I had cradled under my right arm and he exhaled sharply. "You bought the bike didn't you?"

"Yes, but I got a helmet. Does that make you feel better?" I asked, giving him a big cheesy grin and waving the helmet back and forth. He didn't answer. Instead he narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips.

"Look, Dad," I started, crossing the room to sit across from him. "This isn't about this afternoon as much as it's about feeling closer to Mom." Charlie opened his mouth to interrupt, but I cut him off. "I know that sounds idiotic, but I had a bike back home in Phoenix. Mom bought it for me for my sixteenth birthday. It was more practical than a car, especially in a city. I had it for about a year before it was stolen. Mom was going to buy me a new one, but she died before she could. When I was on Jake's today, it reminded me so much of home and of Mom. I'm sorry it upsets you, but it's just something I had to do." I looked at Charlie, hoping he would understand.

Charlie was silent a few moments before his face softened. "I get it, Bells. I do. No, I don't like it and it makes me nervous, but…just promise me you will _always _wear a helmet. Can you promise me that much?"

"I promise, Dad. Helmet…always." I smiled at him and stood up, kissing the top of his head before turning and heading up the stairs to my room. I quickly undressed and looked down at the jagged pink scar that ran the length of my left side, from my ribcage to my hip. Guilt slowly crept over me as I thought about the lie I had just told my father. The bike was never stolen, I had crashed it. I had been driving too fast and too reckless on wet roads. Thankfully I walked away with only a broken wrist, a few bruises, a scar and some wicked road rash.

I pushed the memory aside as I pulled on my tank top and shorts and decided that what Charlie didn't know, wouldn't hurt him. I had learned my lesson that day and I was determined not to make the same mistake twice.

--

Charlie got up early Sunday and headed to La Push for yet more male bonding with Billy. I decided to spend the morning doing homework and catch up on some reading. In the early afternoon, I took advantage of the sunny weather and headed outside to wash the Jeep. Just as I was finishing, I caught a glimpse of a silver car passing and instantly my thoughts traveled to Edward. I tried to push them away; he shouldn't even matter to me. But the harder I tried, the more I thought of him.

I couldn't remember a single person being able to invoke such strong emotions from me the way he could; all without ever speaking a word to me. My irritation towards him grew every moment I was in his presence and was now bordering on hate, yet sometimes I would think of him longingly. I couldn't figure out why it bothered me so much that he didn't like me. He wasn't the first person to have ill feelings towards me, far from it. I'd been in situations where someone had aggressively pointed out everything they hated about me and rubbed it in. It had never bothered me before. At times I had even found it humorous. But for some reason, I couldn't help regretting whatever I had done to make Edward dislike me. I hated that he was drawing these feelings out of me and couldn't help but be a little hurt that he didn't seem to share them.

I squeezed my eyes shut, took a deep breath and forced Edward Cullen out of my head. I refused to spend another second contemplating my love/hate relationship with him…or lack thereof. I finished up outside and headed back in the house to start dinner before Charlie came home.

--

Monday morning I awoke before my alarm sounded and hopped out of bed, tripping my way to the window. It wasn't sunny, but it was dry; a perfect day to ride the bike. I showered quickly and grabbed a cup of coffee while I mulled over what to wear. By my third cup I had decided on a pair of black boot cut jeans, a burgundy, tight fitting sweater and black boots. I left my hair down, since a ponytail wouldn't exactly fit under my helmet, applied my makeup and grabbed my leather jacket.

The ride to school was quick and refreshing. It reminded me again of why I felt the need to buy the bike in the first place; to curb the numbness. I parked in the same spot I normally parked the Jeep and dismounted. Pulling off my helmet, I leaned forward and shook my hair loose. When I stood back up, I noticed every head in the parking lot turned in my direction. One side of my mouth curved up in a small smile.

Next to me, leaning against the Volvo, stood Alice, Jasper and Edward. Alice and Jasper were smiling, but Edward's face was twisted in a scowl. His eyes locked onto mine and I felt the small smile that I had had only moments ago slowly fade. A thick sadness fell over me, my heart and body begging to reach out to him and touch him, hold him, ease whatever it was that was causing his anguish. Thankfully my mind hated the fact that the sight of him distressed tugged at my heart and stopped me from taking that step forward.

"Hi, Bella," Alice sang, extending up on her toes until she was eye level with me, effectively blocking my view of Edward.

"Hey, Alice," I said, fixing my eyes on her and smiled softly. The sadness that had been so heavily present only a few short seconds ago suddenly evaporated. I found myself envying the fact that she was always in high spirits, yet it was almost impossible to feel anything other than happiness when I was around her.

"A motorcycle huh? That's awesome. Maybe you could take me for a ride after school?" she asked.

"Umm..sure. I don't have an extra helmet though."

"That's ok. I don't need one. I'm tough," she answered, flexing both her arms and showing off her tiny muscles.

I snorted. "If you say so."

My morning classes and lunch passed by in a blur. Normally I would have been thankful, but it meant that Biology had approached that much quicker and my traitorous thoughts over the weekend and this morning had made me anxious to see Edward. Jasper seemed to sense my mood on our walk to second period and began peppering me with questions about my apparently obvious anxiety. I quickly deflected his questions by asking him about his life before the Cullens. He seemed to have gotten the point and gave up his little inquisition.

I walked the hall from the cafeteria to the Biology lab slowly, my palms sweating and my heart racing. I imagined this is what a death row inmate must feel like walking the long corridor toward an execution chamber.

I stopped outside the Biology door and took a deep breath, steeling my nerves. Squaring my shoulders I opened the door and headed into the classroom, noticing that Edward was already sitting at the table as I made my way to my seat. I focused my eyes on the blackboard in the front of the room, pleading with myself not to look at him. My emotions were bouncing back and forth like a jacked up tennis match; love, hate, love, hate. I couldn't decide which I felt more strongly and it was driving me insane. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward shift on his stool and lean towards me.

"A motorcycle, Bella? Don't you think that's a bit precarious?" he whispered.

I snapped my head towards him and narrowed my eyes.

"No, I don't. But what I _do_ think is that it's none of your goddamn fucking business," I spat.

"You're right. It isn't."

"So then why do you care?"

He shrugged one shoulder. "I don't really. I just think it's a bit shallow of you to ride in here, filling the male population's minds with dirty fantasies."

"And how the hell do you know their minds are filled with 'dirty fantasies'?" I questioned. A small smirk tugged at his lips.

"Hey, Newton," he called over my shoulder.

"What are you _doing_?" I hissed through my teeth.

"Yeah?" I heard Mike answer cautiously, his voice squeaking a little. Obviously he wasn't accustomed to Edward speaking to him.

"What did you think of Bella and her new toy?" Edward asked sweetly. I looked over my shoulder at Mike.

He looked down at his desk as his face flushed crimson red. "It was fucking hot," he answered hesitantly.

I heard a noise that sounded like a hiss from Edwards's direction. I spun my head back around to look at him, but his expression was calm.

"See," Edward said smugly.

"None of your fucking business, remember?" He didn't answer. Instead he shrugged his shoulders, leaned back over to his side of the table and began idly doodling on his notebook. I stared at him for a few moments before returning my attention to the front of the classroom. _Hate is definitely the dominating emotion of today. _

Alice and I walked out to the parking lot after gym and headed over to the bike. Edward was standing, arms crossed, directly in front of it. As we neared closer, his face hardened. I sidestepped around him and smiled sweetly, pulled my helmet on and mounted. Alice followed, wrapping her tiny arms around my waist.

"This is stupid…and dangerous," Edward said, placing his hands over mine on the handle bars and locking his golden eyes on mine. A jolt of electricity shot up my arms and my heart began pounding in my chest. I ignored it, and him, and twisted around to face Alice.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Um…your house? We could hang out a little. If that's ok," she answered, leaning her chin on my shoulder.

I smiled and started the bike. Giving Edward one last glance, I reversed and guided the bike out of the parking lot. I tore off towards my house, favoring the back roads over the main ones. After a half hour detour, we pulled into Charlie's driveway and headed inside. Alice followed me upstairs to my bedroom and flopped down on the bed. I threw my helmet and bag on the rocking chair and peeled off the leather jacket. Stepping out of my boots, I crossed the room to the closet, pulling off my sweater as I walked. I dug through the shelves of the closet until I found a plain, cotton, v-neck t-shirt.

"Hey, I've been meaning to tell you how much I love your ink. How many do you have?" Alice casually asked, flipping through an old issue of Cosmo.

"Umm…four," I mumbled as I pulled the t-shirt over my head and turned to join her on the bed.

"I really like this one," she said as she sat up and reached for my hand. As she wrapped her tiny fingers around my wrist, pulling towards her, my arm jerked involuntarily at the frigid temperature of her skin, breaking her grasp around my wrist.

"Shit, sorry. I wasn't expecting you to be so cold." I gave her an apologetic smile and placed my wrist back in her waiting hand. "It's an Ankh," I informed her.

She pursed her lips and nodded slowly. "The symbol for eternal life," she whispered, gently tracing the marked skin with her thumb. "Very fitting." She smiled up at me and released my hand.

"Eh, I guess," I stated, shrugging my shoulders. "It's a nice concept at least; eternal life. Imagine all the places you could see, all the things you could do…My mom believed in it you know," I whispered, vainly trying to hold back threatening tears. "Ugh, I'm sorry. I can't help it…talking about my mom…," I choked out, wiping away the tears that had begun to roll down my cheeks.

"What happened to her?" Alice asked softly. I took a moment to compose myself. No one knew the full story except Charlie. Not even Jake. Yet, other than the pain of relaying the story, I had no reservations about telling Alice. In the short span of time I had known her, I had come to think of her as my best friend.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "She was killed. Her and Phil…her husband…but no one knows why or how. They found their car abandoned on the side of a highway in Florida. They had been out there looking at houses. Phil was a baseball player and he had just been signed to a team there…so they were planning on moving. Anyway, after the police found the car, they did a canvas of the area. They found them at the bottom of an embankment…mutilated beyond recognition. The cops did a full investigation, but came up empty." I bit my bottom lip and exhaled sharply.

Alice shifted onto her knees and leaned over, wrapping her tiny arms around my neck. "I bet she was amazing…just like you," she whispered.

"She was," I agreed, smiling sadly. We sat like that for a few moments, holding on to each other as my tears dried up. I let go of Alice and leaned back on my elbows. Alice resumed her position on the bed, lying on her stomach with her head in her hands and her legs crossed, swinging wildly in the air.

"Like I was saying…my mother truly believed in eternal life. She would go on and on for hours about it. How I was destined to do great things and live forever…," I trailed off, rolling my eyes. "You should have seen her face when I came home with it," I continued, laughing. "She didn't know whether to be flattered or pissed!"

Alice's bell like laughter filled the room as she suddenly jumped off the bed. "Ok, enough with this sad talk…show me your wardrobe," she commanded.

"Um…what?" I asked, raising one eyebrow at her.

"You heard me missy, you…wardrobe…now." She placed her hands on her tiny waist and looked at me expectantly.

"Seriously?" I asked. Alice nodded, her expression serious. The sight of my tiny best friend attempting to look intimidating amused me, yet I got the feeling that she wouldn't take no for an answer. "Ok, if you say so."

Alice and I spent the next few hours going through my clothes, throwing "out-dated" items, as Alice liked to call them, and planning a shopping trip. Eventually Jasper picked Alice up and I headed to the kitchen to cook Charlie dinner.

**~****~**

* * *

**Chapter lyrics by Halestorm, song titled "Love/Hate Heartbreak"**


	6. Chapter 6  All Around Me

**Thank you Lil Miss Golden Eyes - my fantabulous Beta**

**Go check out "Crooked Halo's and Ink Junkies" by ecandme...this woman is amazing and her story is so wonderful. I love her to no end!**

* * *

_I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healed_

Time flew by, one day seemingly melting into the next, and by the end of my fourth week in Forks, I had settled into a comfortable routine. Not being one who usually did well with the 'same shit, different day' mentality, I surprisingly found that the monotony of it didn't bother me in the least. A few times a week, Alice would come over after school and we would hang out for a few hours before Jasper would come to pick her up. On a few occasions, he even joined us and the three of us would watch movies or sit out back and bullshit.

Charlie seemed to have found his own routine as well. He would come home from work, eat, and then settle in front of the TV until he went to bed. On the weekends, he headed down to the Rez to fish or watch a game with Billy.

I hadn't seen or heard from Jake since we came home with the bikes, and I made a mental note to check on him. I figured with me back in town he would be up my ass, but he seemed to have just…disappeared.

Even things with Edward had settled down a bit. Though we still weren't on _official_ speaking terms, we did talk occasionally. Mostly it involved him preaching to me about the dangers associated with motorcycles; dangers I was all too familiar with, and had the scars to prove. It didn't escape my notice that it was always _my _safety he was concerned with and not his sisters, though she continued to climb on the back, sans helmet.

I entered the cafeteria and quickly made my way through the line, grabbing a soda and a bagel, before heading to the long table filled with Jessica and her friends. I said my hellos and grabbed a book from my bag. Over the past few weeks, reading through lunch had become part of my new found 'routine', and the others at the table left me alone, only occasionally interrupting me to ask my opinion on something or to fill me in on the latest gossip.

Halfway through the period, a tingling sensation rolled up my spine and an uncomfortable heat settled at the base of my neck. It was a feeling I had been experiencing quite often lately; the feeling of being watched. I tried to ignore the awareness and continue reading, but when I realized that I had read and re-read the same sentence three times, I exhaled slowly, closed my book and turned around in my chair, quickly scanning the cafeteria for a source .

Across the lunchroom, at a table tucked into the farthest corner, the Cullens sat staring off into various directions. None of them seemed focused on anything in particular, except one. Rosalie. Her eyes were narrowed into thin slits as she openly glared in my direction. Her lips, painted cherry red, were drawn into a line as her pristinely manicured nails drummed against the table.

I narrowed my eyes and returned her glare. We sat like that, each trying to convey our own disdain for the other, for a few moments before Alice's head snapped up and she hit Rose's arm, then glanced at me and smiled apologetically. I rolled my eyes, turned back around in my chair, and returned to my book.

"Well it would seem that not _all _of the Cullens are your new BFFs huh?" Jessica remarked, not even attempting to hide the jealousy tainting her words.

"I swear, one of these days I'll slap her so fucking hard, it'll feel like she kissed a freight train," I answered, not bothering to look up from my book. Behind me, the sound of a tray slamming resounded through the cafeteria, and I could have _sworn_ it had come from the direction of the Cullen's table, but I had no desire to turn around and confirm that. If anyone at that table would have made such a production, it would have been Rosalie, and there was no way the bitch could have heard my little threat.

"Oh, I would _pay_ to see that!" Mike said, high fiving Tyler as he nodded his head in agreement. I tuned out the rest of their conversation and waited for the period to end.

Once in class, I settled into my seat next to Edward, giving him only a polite smile, which he returned. Banner waltzed into the room just as the bell rang, towing behind him an antiquated television set. He set it up, turned out the lights and settled behind his desk.

As soon as the lights went out, I became immediately aware of Edward's presence beside me. I could feel him. Literally _feel_ him. Every cell in my body awoke and I clenched and unclenched my fists repeatedly as I battled the urge to reach out and touch him. The current pulling me towards him became so strong I could have sworn it would become tangible.

In an effort to control my rebelling body, I folded my arms across my chest and dug my fingernails into my palms. I heard Edward hiss next to me, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw him mimic my position. Though all my brain seemed to focus on was the way the tendons of his forearms bulged from under the skin, causing the hard, taught lines of his biceps to become more defined.

The hour passed excruciatingly slow, and finally the film ended and the lights were switched back on. As soon as the darkness receded, so did the overwhelming electricity running between Edward and I.

I let out a shaky sigh of relief and unclenched my fists to inspect the damage.

"You drew blood," Edward said softly; so softly I had almost missed it.

"No shit. Besides the obvious…" I held out my palms to show him the small half moon shaped cuts. "I can smell it."

"Humans can't smell blood, Isabella."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Maybe you can't, but I can. It smells like rust…and salt." I grabbed a tissue from my bag and started cleaning the cuts. I saw Edward staring at me with a curious expression. Finally the bell rang, and without saying another word, he grabbed his books and disappeared out the door.

I made it through last period with only minor injuries and headed home, picking up my cell and dialing Jake. I tried his cell phone but it went straight to voicemail. Then I called the house, but Billy told me that he was out. Finally, when I got home, I sat down and wrote Jake an email, asking him to call me soon. I closed the laptop and headed downstairs to start on Charlie's dinner.

After the kitchen was cleaned up, I kissed Charlie goodnight and retreated to my room. Turning on my iPod, I relaxed back on the bed and got lost, yet again, in thoughts of Edward.

_Teetering on the line between consciousness and unconsciousness, I felt a cool breeze blow across my neck. I rolled over towards the window. It was open just a crack, allowing the offending cold air to filter into the room. Refusing to get out of bed, I burrowed down deeper in the covers. Just as I started drifting towards the border again, a melodic humming sliced through the silence. I slowly opened my eyes and turned my body towards the sweet sound. In the corner of the room, cloaked in darkness, I made out a figure sitting on the rocking chair._

"_Edward?" I whispered_

"_Bella."_

"_What are you doing?"_

"_Watching you sleep."_

"_How did you get in here?"_

"_The window," he answered softly._

"_Oh… Why?" I asked, leaning up on my elbows._

_A small sigh escaped his delicious mouth. "Because I find it peaceful….and because I can't force myself to stay away from you any longer." _

_He stood up from the rocking chair and walked to the side of the bed. He sat down on the edge smiling down at me. His scent mixed with the cold air, and I inhaled deeply allowing his heavenly smell to fill my lungs._

"_What were you humming?"_

"_A lullaby." He reached out and gently began stroking my hair as my eyes fought to close. "Sleep my Bella," he whispered._

"_Edward?"_

"_Yes, my love?"_

"_Will you hum to me until I fall asleep?"_

"_Of course." _

_I shifted to one side of the bed, allowing room for Edward to lie next to me. He positioned himself on the bed, leaned against the headboard and wrapped an arm around me. I snuggled in close to his body, draping one arm across his chest and laying my head in the crook of his arm. His body was cold and hard; like marble. A memory tugged at the corners of my subconscious but I ignored it. _

_He began humming softly and I felt sleep begin to overtake me. Before being pulled into unconsciousness, I leaned my face upwards and gently kissed the curve of his neck. "I love you, Edward," I whispered, just before the blackness claimed me._

I awoke the next morning with a start. I didn't even remember falling asleep. I sat up in bed and looked around. I was alone. I looked towards the window and sudden wave of disappointment flooded through me when I saw that it was securely shut. _It was just a dream, Swan. _I sighed, threw the covers off and headed for the bathroom.

As the hot water rolled off my skin I thought about the confession I had made to my dream Edward. _I told him I loved him. _I scoffed as I let the idea roll around my mind. How could I possibly fall in love with a man that I've barely spoken to, let alone who seemed to completely uninterested in me? Sure, he seemed to be finally coming around, but it was way too soon to be feeling this. No one could fall in love that quickly. Internally I chalked it up to my minds infatuation with his amazing good looks. Who was I kidding anyway? Every girl at Forks High probably had the same type crush on Edward Cullen. The thought of that disgusted me. I wasn't like them.

Pushing my thoughts aside, I turned off the water and headed back to my room. Thanks to the new found infatuation my subconscious had so nicely forced upon me, my nerves were shot before I even made it to Biology. He was all I had been able to think about all morning.

Slipping through the Biology door, I saw Edward sitting at our table, face set, eyes hard, idly drawing in his notebook. As I entered the classroom, his head shot up and his face softened. His mouth, which had been set in a tight line, curled up into a smile. I felt my stomach flip at the sight of him.

I sat down on the stool and pulled out my book, biting my lower lip to keep from smiling like a fucking idiot. Banner started class right away, and about twenty minutes in, I was startled as a piece of paper slid across the table and into my line of sight.

I snapped my head towards Edward who sat staring at me with a shy, crooked smile dancing on his lips. I turned my head back to the note and sat for a few moments trying to decide what to do. Finally, I gave in. _Damn him and that beautiful smile. And damn me for being such a sucker for him._

_**Bella. Would you kindly consider forgiving me for being so rude over the past few weeks?**_

I stared at the note, trying to think of a response. Honestly, there was nothing to forgive. We were never friends, and the only thing that linked us was Alice. I felt there was no need to forgive someone, whom you don't know, for not liking you. _But why not make him sweat a little. _I internally smirked as I bent over to write my response.

_**I'll think about it.**_

I passed the paper back and watched as a small smile played on his lips when he read it. A few seconds later, the paper was sliding once again across the table.

_**I'd like to be friends.**_

_What has gotten into him all of a sudden?_

_**Honestly, Edward, I don't think that is such a great idea.**_

I watched as he ran his hand through his already messy hair. That action alone made my heart skip a beat and my breath catch in my throat. A small frown had formed on his perfectly pouty lips, causing my traitorous heart to start thudding erratically. His golden eyes shot up and locked on mine. I bit my lip and turned away. The paper slid in front of me. I took a deep breath and opened it.

_**Why not?**_

_Well shit. How do I even begin to explain to him all the reasons that us being friends was not a good idea?_ I thought for a moment and decided simple was best. He didn't need to know the physical effect being near him had on me. He didn't need to know how his voice, his face, his smell, his hair - _oh God, that sex hair! _– occupy my mind constantly. And he _definitely _didn't need to know that I was quickly falling for him. Yep, simple and deflective was best.

_**Truthfully, you're kind of an asshole. I mean, you have spent the past 4 weeks ignoring me. Between the death glares, the cold shoulder, and the silent treatment – I just don't want to deal with the moodiness or the drama. I am more than happy to be civil with you considering Alice is my best friend, but that has to be it.**_

I slid the paper back over to him and watched his mouth fall open as he read it. I bit my bottom lip and looked at him apologetically. I mouthed a silent "sorry" before looking back at the front of the classroom. A few minutes later, the paper reappeared.

_**Bella, I understand your concerns about "drama", but I assure you…I had my reasons for the way I acted. I'm not saying they were the right reasons…but they were necessary at the time nonetheless. I will happily keep trying to gain your friendship…even if it takes an eternity to do so. You are worth it.**_

I sat staring at the words he had written for what seemed like hours. Suddenly I felt cool lips gently graze my ear. I inhaled sharply and held my breath.

"Class is over, Bella," Edwards velvet voice whispered in my ear. As his breath washed over my neck, I felt a shiver roll down my spine. I slowly turned my head over my shoulder and found myself millimeters from his perfect face.

"Thanks," I breathed out as I exhaled the air I had been holding. Suddenly I was assaulted by the smell of him. As it filled my nose and my lungs, desire burned within me. He smelled exactly like he had in my dream. _How is that possible? I've never been this close to him. _It was succulent and sweet, intoxicating and exquisite. He winked as his mouth turned up into the most seductive and gorgeous crooked smile and then he was gone. I sat for a few moments letting the fog clear my head and the desire nestled deep inside die down. _Holy shit. What the hell was that? You can't really be that hormonal can you?_

I walked in a daze towards the gym. Alice was leaning against the wall next to the gym doors, visibly trembling with excitement. As I approached, she leapt off the wall and ran to my side faster than I thought humanly possible. She opened her mouth to say something but abruptly stopped. Cocking her head to the side, she gave me a quizzical look.

"What happened to you?" she asked, her ocher eyes narrowing.

"I'm not really sure. But it's nothing either way. What's up?" She studied me for a few more moments before resuming her excited trembling.

"So listen. My parents are going away this weekend, and Rose and Em are going to Seattle, and it's just going to be Jasper, Edward and myself and I really don't want to be stuck alone with the boys so I was wondering if you would like to spend the weekend at my house?" She was bouncing up and down like a 5 year old in a candy store. _How the fuck did she manage to spit all that out without breathing? _I hesitated for a moment, trying to put it all together in my mind. Alice was asking me to spend the weekend with her…at her house…where Edward would be…and her parents wouldn't be. My hormones quickly overruled my brain and I reluctantly agreed.

I broached the subject of Alice's sleepover over dinner. After some arguing back and forth, Charlie finally agreed to allow me to stay over. It seemed the Chief had a soft spot for the Cullens, which worked to my advantage. Of course I left out the small details…like Dr. & Mrs. Cullen being away…and my new infatuation with Alice's brother, Edward.

I was nervous as I made my way to Biology the next morning. As I entered the door and spotted Edward smiling at me, my face threatened to break into another one of those fucking love sick puppy dog smiles. I bit my lip, preventing it from spreading, and slid in next to Edward.

"Hello, Bella," Edward purred once I was settled. "So I hear you will be spending the weekend at our house."

"Yeah…well…Alice can be quite a persistent pixie," I answered, resuming my lip biting. That idiotic smile was still threatening to break loose. I could feel my heart rate accelerate and pound in my ears. Edward looked down at his lap and chuckled softly. _Oh God, please tell me it isn't that obvious. Please, please, please tell me he is laughing at Alice, _I begged silently.

"That she can be. So…I was wondering if you would like a ride," he asked, looking up at me from under his lashes. _And I'm fucking done for…putty in this boy's hands._

"Umm…what?" I asked, trying unsuccessfully to focus my mind on his question and not his face.

"A ride…to our house. It can be tricky to find," he answered, smiling lazily.

"Oh….thanks but I think I'd rather drive. I mean I appreciate the offer and all, but..." Edward cut in before I could finish.

"Well I could ride with you. If that's okay of course," he offered.

"Ok. Umm…but I have to stop home first. I didn't pack yet."

"No problem. I'll meet you at your car after school?" I nodded and he smiled before turning back toward the front of the classroom.

As promised, Edward was waiting for me by my car. He looked breathtakingly beautiful as he stood leaning against the side of my car, his thumbs casually hooked in his belt loops. The wind blew through his hair and sent it flying in all different directions. He looked up as I neared him and flashed my favorite crooked grin. I stopped dead in my tracks as my breath hitched and I felt my knees weaken. Before I could compose myself, he pushed off the car and ran to my side.

"Bella, are you alright?" he asked, reaching out to steady me as his sweet breath washed over my face, causing his scent to flood my senses. He was standing directly in front of me, one hand on my hip, the other on my shoulder.

"I'm..f...fine," I gasped, trying to reset my breathing. Between the smell of him and the feel of his hands on me, my heart started beating erratically. Edward bent down to look directly into my eyes. His golden eyes danced with a mixture of worry and amusement.

"You don't look _fine_," he countered. _Jesus Christ! _Shadows crept into the corner of my eyes and a tingling sensation overcame my body. Suddenly, everything went black.

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**Chapter lyrics by Flyleaf, song titled "All Around Me"**


	7. Chapter 7  Vampire

**As an "I'm sorry for such a long wait time for the last chapter" present, I've decided to give you Chapter 7. This is by far one of my favorite (the other being Chapter 9!). It's a short one...but I thought about it a lot and came to the conclusion that nothing more could be, or should be added. It stands on it's own legs. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!**

**As always, much love to Lil Miss Golden Eyes and the fantastical ecandme**

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_How strong a will  
How long to kill  
The Vampire's out to play  
He's going for his prey  
How wise the decisions  
How clear of a mind with perfect precision  
The aim it will find  
Removing a tyrant  
The vampire on its track_

"Bella? Can you hear me?" a distant voice asked. Though it was far away, the voice was low and velvety. I knew that voice. I would know it anywhere. Blindfold me and put me in a room with a thousand voices and I would recognize that one.

"What….the….fuck?" I moaned. Edward let out a low, throaty chuckle.

"Bella, you passed out."

"I did _what?" _I yelled, struggling to sit up. I looked around and noticed I was lying across the back seat of my Jeep. I scooted to the end of the seat and hopped out, swaying slightly as I was hit with a sudden wave of vertigo. Edward reached out and grabbed my shoulders to steady me. Once I was stable, he removed his hands, crossed his arms across his chest and leaned against the open car door.

"You really need to remember to breathe," he chided, arching up one perfect eyebrow.

"And you really need to learn not to dazzle me," I countered.

"Dazzle?"

"Yes, Edward. Dazzle. It's completely unnecessary and unfair." I pouted. His eyes roamed down my face and lingered on my jutting bottom lip for a few seconds before returning to look me in the eyes.

"So I 'dazzle' you and you faint?" he asked with a wicked glint in his eye.

"Something like that," I mumbled. I held out my hand for my keys.

"You sure you're OK to drive?" he asked, dangling the keys above my palm. I reached up, swiped them from him and stomped over to the driver's side.

"I'm perfectly fine. Now let's go." I slipped into my seat and started the car while Edward closed the back door and slid in next to me.

The ride to Charlie's was uncomfortably silent. Edward stared out the window, seemingly lost in thought, with a small smirk stuck on his face. I was trying to figure out how in the hell he had managed to make me faint. It wasn't fair – the effect he had on me.

I parked the Jeep in the driveway and opened the door.

"Do you want to come in or would you rather stay out here?"

"Do you want me to come in?"

"I wouldn't have asked if it wasn't an option, Edward."

I led him into the house and headed straight for the stairs. I stopped a few steps up, noticing he didn't follow. I turned back around and saw him standing in the doorway looking around curiously.

"There's no need for a grand tour. What you see is what you get." He smiled up at me. "You coming?"

"Where are you going?"

"To my bedroom. To pack." A look of hesitation crossed his face. I smirked and placed my hands on my hips. "You're not _afraid _of a girl's bedroom are you?

"No. I just wasn't sure if it was appropriate that you and I be in your bedroom without Charlie here."

I snorted. "It's not like I plan to seduce you or anything, Edward. And besides, I wouldn't be a very good hostess if I left my guest unattended now would I?"

"Touché."

"Good. Now get your ass up here and help me pack!" I turned and continued up the stairs, very much aware of Edwards's presence behind me, as if we were polar opposites of a magnet, drawing each one to the other.

"And stop staring at my ass!" I yelled over my shoulder. I heard Edward quietly laugh and a smile tugged at my lips. He had an infections and musical laugh. I would never tire of hearing it. I wished I could make him laugh like that every day. _WHOA. Where the hell did that come from?_

"Ahh, but what a great view it is," he answered, still laughing. I felt my stomach tighten at his words.

"Now who's seducing who, Mr. Cullen?" I asked as we entered my bedroom. Edward gave me a quick smirk as he passed me to sit in the rocking chair. As he sat down, I was suddenly hit with the memory of my dream the other night. I felt the blood rush and pool in my cheeks.

"Isabella Swan. Why on earth are you _blushing_?"

"Nothing. It's….nothing. Just…never mind," I stammered, quickly turning away from his questioning look and heading to the closet to fish out my duffle bag. I heard him snicker in the corner and a new wave of blood rushed to my cheeks. I found the duffle bag quickly but pretended to keep searching in an attempt to clear the blush from my face.

I emerged from the closet a few moments later, all traces of embarrassment erased. I walked around the room, grabbing items and stuffing them into the bag, while Edward sat slowly rocking in the chair. He was quietly humming something that seemed oddly familiar, yet I couldn't place it.

"What are you humming?" I asked.

"Just something I wrote," he answered casually. I sucked in my bottom lip and chewed it gently, desperately trying to figure out where I had heard that song before.

"You write music?" I asked, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Yeah, I write music…and play the piano."

"What type of music do you write?"

"I guess it would be considered classical. My musical tastes are eclectic, but I identify mostly with classical when it comes to composing music to play."

"What exactly constitutes 'eclectic'?"

"Umm…well a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I'm not picky as long as it isn't country. I draw the line there. What about you?"

"I'm a hard rock girl. Slipknot, Sevendust, Mudvayne, Five Finger Death Punch…that type of stuff."

I slipped off the bed and grabbed my overnight bag. "You ready to go? Alice is probably waiting for us." Edward nodded and stood up from the chair, reaching his arm out towards me. I cocked one eyebrow in confusion.

"I'll carry it for you," he said, reaching for the strap of my bag. I slid it off my shoulder and handed it to him.

Once we were settled in the Jeep, I turned on my iPod, backed out of the driveway and based on Edwards's direction, headed away from town.

A few minutes into the drive, one of my favorite songs came on and as I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel to the beat of the song, I caught a glimpse of Edward in the passenger seat. He sat white knuckled staring at the iPod with an almost horrified expression.

"What?" I asked turning to look at him. His eyes darted between my face and the offending silver player.

"What _is _this?"

I turned my head back to the road and shrugged one shoulder. "Um…it's Rammstein?"

Edward continued to stare at me horrified. I felt the blood flush my face, but this time for a different reason. I was getting pissed. "Look, I'm guessing we don't share the same musical tastes, but they're a really good band, Edward."

"And they're singing about….vampires?"

"Well yeah. The song _is _called Vampire," I answered. Edward didn't respond. Instead he sat unmoving still staring at the side of my face.

"So what..you're not a fan of vampires?" I questioned. After a few seconds of silence, I stole a glance at him. He seemed to be formulating a response.

"No. They're soulless, vile monsters," he finally answered.

"First off, they're not even real, so they technically _can't_ be soulless. Second, they aren't _monsters, _Edward. They're kind of….fascinating actually."

"Fascinating? Bella, be serious. They _kill _people. Suck the life right out of them. How can that be fascinating?"

"I don't know. But they aren't monsters. It's just their nature. They're just doing what comes naturally," I replied.

"You have no idea what you're saying, Bella."

"Oh and what you do? When's the last time you socialized with a fucking vampire, Edward?" I hissed.

"Just…forget it, OK," he answered, turning to stare out his window.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Fine."

We drove in silence for what seemed like hours, driving further and further out of town until there was nothing around but forest. Abruptly, Edward instructed me to turn onto an unmarked, barely visible road hidden among the trees. In actuality, it wasn't even a road, just an unpaved dirt trail that wound its way through the woods for miles. Trees and ferns encroached on either side, casting eerie shadows across the road. As I continued driving, my aggravation grew at the fact that he had gotten his panties in a twist over something as trivial as a mythological creature. We had actually been getting along for once, and he just had to ruin it. _Of all the stupid, asinine things to get upset over, this is what he chose?_ I let out a sigh.

"What?" he asked.

"So I guess I'm going to have to find a new partner to watch my collection of vampire movies with come Halloween, huh?" I smirked.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You have a vampire_ movie collection_?"

"Yep," I answered, popping the p. "I guess you can just call me 'Queen of the Damned'." Edward sat momentarily stunned. Without giving him a chance to respond, I parked my Jeep in front of his house and got out. I was not about to let an idiotic thing like vampires ruin my weekend.

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Chapter title and lyrics by Rammstein, song titled "Vampire".  
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	8. Chapter 8  Haunted

**This chapter was co-written with the amazing ecandme. Without her, this chapter would have never happened. Make sure to check out her story "Crooked Halo's and Ink Junkies" available on both & Twilighted! **

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_Never will I be welcome,  
Amongst the heartless monsters,  
You surround yourself with  
Feeding off the pain and misfortune of others,  
A maniacal breed of sub-human parasites,  
Thrown into a feeding frenzy,  
With the smell of fresh blood  
_

_Open your eyes and see the creatures for what they are,  
A swirling mass of hatred and envy  
And do not be naïve enough to think you are unaffected,  
The conversion has already begun._

I had been so lost in my thoughts on the drive up to the Cullen's house that I hadn't noticed it until I was standing right in front of it. The three story sprawling mansion sat in the middle of a large clearing, dusted with multicolored wildflowers and surrounded by a canopy of towering trees.

Judging by the faded white paint, it must have been at least a hundred years old. A large porch wrapped around the entire first story, covered with potted plants of every shape and color. It was obvious that someone had taken great care to keep up this beautiful old mansion.

"Do you like it?" Edward whispered in my ear, sending a trail of goose bumps down my back. I spun around quickly, startled by his sudden appearance behind me. I hadn't heard him get out of the car, much less walk up behind me.

"It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen…absolutely breathtaking," I answered, turning back around to admire the house. Edward placed a hand on the small of my back, causing the skin underneath his fingers to tingle, as he gently led me towards the front steps.

"Esme has a knack for these things. She loves to restore and renovate old homes. Everything you see is her doing," he continued explaining as we entered into the foyer.

If I had thought the outside was breathtaking, it was average at best compared to the interior. The entire north wall was set from floor to ceiling with windows, completely bathing the first floor in a soft light. Fresh flowers adorned almost every available surface, adding splashes of vibrant color that contrasted with the white and cream décor.

Everything was open, bright and welcoming. I remained standing in amazement for a moment until I noticed Alice flitting down the staircase to my right, Jasper following right behind her.

"Bella!" she exclaimed, wrapping her tiny arms around me.

"Hi, Alice," I replied, reciprocating her embrace.

"Hey, Bells," Jasper added in his charming southern drawl.

"Well it's about damn time I get to officially meet the bad ass Bella," a voice boomed from behind me, causing me to flinch involuntarily. I spun around quickly and found myself facing Emmett. A wide, goofy grin spread across his face.

I started to smile back, but panic hit me before the smile could complete the trek across my face. _If Emmett is here…then that means that Rosalie is too._

As if on cue, Rosalie rounded the corner, tossing an apple between her hands. She popped one hip and leaned against the wall. As she continued tossing the apple, her eyes locked on mine and narrowed. Suddenly fear and insecurity overtook my body, and I began contemplating fleeing the house and speeding back to Charlie's.

I took a tentative step backwards, my eyes still locked on Rosalie, and felt my back hit Edward's chest. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper raise an eyebrow in Edward's direction and I felt Edward shrug in response. Before I could convince my feet to listen to my brain and run, the bubbling mixture of fear and insecurity faded away and a feeling of calm overcame me. I furrowed my brow in confusion.

_What the hell just happened? Get a grip, Swan, you're losing it!_

"Come on, Bella, I'll show you to your room," Edward guided, holding a hand out to me.

Still puzzled over the sudden switch in emotions, I nodded and took his hand; following him up to the third floor, down a long hallway, and into a large bedroom. In perfect harmony with the first floor, the north wall was again completely made of glass, overlooking a stream and the vast expanse of forest.

The entire room was decorated in creams and chocolate browns. It was warm and inviting, mimicking the rest of the house. Edward was right…Esme really did have a natural talent when it came to decorating.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"What happened downstairs?" Edward asked with a cautious smile.

"What do you mean?"

"Well one minute you seemed fine and the next you looked like you were… terrified or something. What were you afraid of?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Something in the way he asked that question made me wonder if I _should_ be afraid. There weren't many things that I was afraid of, but one thing invaded my mind at the moment.

"Rosalie," I whispered.

Edward appeared slightly taken aback by my answer.

"Rosalie?" he asked simply.

I shut the door and walked to sit on the bed beside him.

"Well…" I started whispering. He cocked his eyebrow in confusion, and I couldn't help but feel my heart speed up a little at how handsome his 'confused' face was.

"What?" I replied to his expression, a little more defensively than intended. "I don't want Rosalie to overhear. She hates me enough as it is, why add fuel to the fire?" A look of amusement flashed in his eyes before quickly disappearing.

I sighed and continued, "She's beautiful, smart, classy and…a stone cold bitch. Yet…I respect her, her ferocity, and the way she carries herself. But…she hates me with such a passion and looks at me like I am below her. I can't stand the way she makes me feel insecure and insignificant…." I trailed off, embarrassed my sudden confession.

Edward stayed quiet for a moment before reaching out and placing a hand over mine. For the first time I noticed that his skin was as cold as his sisters. "That's just Rose. She can be a royal bitch, but deep down she's a good person. She'll come around, Bella, I promise. Just give her time. She's very…protective of her family." He stood and headed for the door. As his fingers wrapped around the doorknob he turned to face me. "And you are anything but insignificant, Bella. You are beautiful, smart and…feisty," he added, flashing me a crooked smile and disappearing out the door.

I leaned back and sank into the large down comforter, sighing deeply. I felt the heat rush to my face at Edward's compliment and inwardly cursed myself for blushing like an idiot whenever he was around. My feelings for Edward had progressed so quickly that it made me uncomfortable when they showed so blatantly. Thankfully no one was around to witness my pathetic little display of emotions.

A few minutes later there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," I called. The door swung open and in bounced Alice.

"Hey, Bella. Being antisocial?" she asked, flinging herself on the bed next to me.

"Nah, just mentally berating myself," I answered, throwing one arm over my face.

"For…," she inquired.

"Never mind that. Can I ask you a question?" I proceeded cautiously, peeking at her from under my arm.

"Of course."

I sighed and sat up to face her. "What are Rosalie and Emmett doing here? Didn't you say they were going to Seattle?" Alice nodded slowly. "So why are they _here_?" Despite my best efforts, I couldn't contain the hostility that carried through my voice.

Alice smiled sadly at me. "Up until this morning they were going, I swear. Something changed and they decided not to go," she rushed out, looking up at me nervously. "It's okay though right? I mean, you don't want to leave or anything do you?"

"Of course not. I was just curious, that's all." I answered, smiling reassuringly. "Besides, Edward promised me that she would chill the fuck out…eventually."

I intentionally left out Edward's compliment, afraid she would see right through me. I wasn't ready for that conversation…at least not yet. Though I was pretty sure the love sick puppy face whenever he was around was a dead fucking giveaway. If Alice suspected anything, she had kept it to herself.

_Some psychic she is, _I thought in amusement.

"Hey, Alice, do you have any coffee in that obscenely large kitchen of yours?" I asked, strategically changing topics.

"Sure. I'll go make some. Come down when you're done here," she offered, patting my leg and leaving me alone to unpack.

Ten minutes later the smell of fresh brewed coffee assaulted my nose. I followed the heavenly scent down the stairs and into the kitchen where Alice had set a mug, cream, and sugar on the breakfast island.

"You aren't having any?" I asked as I poured the coffee into the mug.

"I'm not much of a coffee drinker," she admitted, taking a seat next to me.

"It's quiet in here. Where is everyone?"

She sighed and looked out the kitchen window. "I sent them out. I wanted a chance to talk to you…alone."

"Ok. About what?" I asked, suddenly nervous. _Please don't ask about Edward, please, _I silently begged.

"Edward," she answered, focusing her eyes back on me. _Fuck!_

"What about him?" I asked defensively, sensing where this conversation was headed.

"I know you like him, Bella. And as intolerable as he is sometimes, I know he feels that way in return. He's just scared because he doesn't think he's good enough for you. I've told him that he's being unreasonable, but Edward is Edward. He refuses to listen to me, even though I do tend to know certain things." She smiled, tapping her finger to her temple.

I sighed in frustration. "Alright, listen. You're my best friend, so I'm not going to lie to you. Though I'm really not ready to have this conversation. Truthfully I'm not sure I will _ever_ be ready for this, but as it is, I guess now is just as good a time as any. Yes, I felt a connection when we first met, but then he acted like such a dick and I kind of buried those feelings. Then I had this dream, and when I woke up everything just…clicked. It was like I couldn't deny it anymore. Everything changed so quickly and the whole thing just scares the shit out of me," I confessed, staring intently into my empty mug.

Alice's small frame began bouncing up and down on her stool, an obnoxiously large smile plastered on her face. "I knew it! You two love each other!" she exclaimed in a sing song voice.

"WHOA! No one said anything about 'love', Alice. Don't go getting all fucking giddy on me. It's not like I'm going to be running into his arms across a field of flowers or anything! Yes… there's an attraction, and yes there is some kind of feeling involved, but Christ, Alice, in case you haven't noticed, I'm not one for fucking rainbows and kittens," I warned.

I got up and stalked across the kitchen to the coffee pot, desperately needing a distraction. I was pissed that I had let my defenses down and allowed my insecurities show. It exposed weakness, and weak was something I definitely was not. Some people fed on that shit, eating it up and spitting it back into your face. It allowed them the opportunity to hurt you in ways unimaginable. It's why I had been so confrontational with Rosalie on that first day. She was definitely someone who thrived on the weaknesses of others.

"Bella, I'm sorry if I upset you. That wasn't my intention. I just needed you to know that you're feelings for Edward weren't one sided and I have no doubt he'll tell you on his own. But now you won't have to doubt yourself or your feelings so much in the mean time."

I turned around and smiled at her. "Thanks, Alice. I appreciate the heads up, but I really don't want to talk about it anymore. Can we just…do something else for awhile?"

"Sure. I think it's time for some girl bonding anyway." She smiled mischievously and hopped off her stool.

I followed Alice up to her bedroom, putting up one hell of a fight after finding out what her idea of 'girl bonding' entailed. Unfortunately, her persistence and unwavering ability to whine just happened to be stronger than my resolve to reject her.

Somewhere around the hour mark, voices sounded from the lower level, and I assumed that the others had returned. Another hour later I descended the stairs, feeling slightly abused after being primped, pampered, poked and prodded.

Edward sat reclining on the couch, watching a very animated Emmett and Jasper play some game on the Xbox.

"Have fun?" Edward asked in an amused voice.

"Ugh. I feel frilly." I walked to the couch and flopped myself beside him, propping my foot up on the coffee table.

"Well you look stunning. What color is that on your toes?"

"Passion Pink," I answered, my face twisting up in disgust.

"I got you! I totally fucking got you! What? No!" Emmett cried out, tossing the remote aside. "This is bullshit!"

"Oh quit being such a cry baby! You know I own your ass on this game," Jasper replied chuckling.

"Whatever, dude. Just…whatever…" Emmett pouted.

Edward leaned toward me and I felt my pulse quicken at his proximity.

"They're always like this. Emmett can be such a sore loser," he whispered, smiling.

I found myself watching his full pouty lips move as he talked. An overwhelming urge to grab his lower one between my teeth swept over me, causing me to blush slightly.

He leaned in even closer, talking directly into my ear. "And Jasper really does own his ass at this game."

His breath tickled my ear as he laughed lightly and I couldn't focus on anything else. I found myself holding my breath, fearing to breathe in any more of his alluring scent. The last thing I needed was a repeat of this afternoon. Passing out in front of his whole family would _definitely _give me away.

I found that I had unconsciously tilted my head, allowing him better access to my ear and neck. _Down, girl, _I mentally scolded. I quickly pulled myself back and straightened up, my gaze meeting Edward's in the process. The look in his eyes changed, darkened, and I saw it for what it was in that moment...lust.

"Oh for God's sake, get a fucking room already!" Rosalie announced.

I hadn't realized that she had come into the room. Again I felt fear creep upon me, but I refused to let her get to me. I couldn't show weakness. So I did something that I knew wasn't the smartest idea.

"Will you just get over yourself already? Seriously, being that bitchy is going to give you wrinkles." My verbal filter was officially broken.

Rosalie narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Emmett's booming laughter.

"Oh shit! Ha! Did you hear her? That was a good one!" He slapped Jasper on the back.

Rosalie's angered glare shifted from me to him, and he realized his mistake a moment too late as her hand connected with the back of his head.

"Ow… what the hell was that for?" he whined.

Wide eyed I watched, the whole scene taking no more than a few seconds.

Not answering him she turned to leave the room, but paused to glance back in my direction one more time.

"Fuck you by the way! You don't belong here; you're not one of us!" she hissed and then stomped up the stairs.

I couldn't have felt any more inadequate than I did in that moment.

All eyes fell on me, and I couldn't contain the flood of angry emotions that slapped me in the face. Tears filled my eyes, and my hands balled into fists.

The only thing I could think to do was leave. I needed to escape the vulnerability pushing through the cracks of my carefully constructed armor. Anger pulsed through me and I knew that soon the tears would fall. I refused to let them see me cry and I _absolutely_ refused to let them see me cry because of _her. _I stood up, mumbled a quick apology and headed out the front door.

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**Chapter 8's title & lyrics are "Haunted" by Disturbed.**

**I'd love to hear what everyone thinks so far...so drop me a review if you're up for it :-)**


	9. Chapter 9  Make Me Believe

**This is by far my favorite chapter I have written. I hope you all enjoy it just as much. **

**Go check out "Crooked Halo's and Ink Junkies" by ecandme...this woman is amazing and her story is so wonderful. I love her to no end!**

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**_Running in circles  
Confusion is calling my name  
Hiding inside of this poisoning madness again  
I'm tired, I'm broken  
I'm walking along with the dead_

_Will I ever feel like I once did_

The sun had long set as I exited swiftly through the front door. I saw a swing nestled in the corner of the porch and headed towards it. Curling my legs underneath myself, I sank down into the cushioned seat, pulling out my pack of smokes from my pocket and lit one. I had barely gotten two drags off the cigarette when the front door opened. Desperately wanting some solitude, I tried in vain to hide in the darkness.

Jasper stepped onto the porch and in the soft yellow glow of the sole porch light I saw him turn his head towards me. I sighed, realizing I was not going to get a chance to work through my emotions alone.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked, standing awkwardly in front of the swing. I absently waved my hand, inviting him to my little pity party. "Can I bum one?" He pointed at the cigarette poised in my left hand. "It's been ages since I had one. Alice doesn't really approve, ya know."

I silently pulled out the pack and the lighter and handed it to him, watching as he pulled one out and lit it, pulling a hard drag before sighing.

"Bells…" he started.

"Don't, Jazz," I interrupted. "I don't need your sympathy or your explanations. She's right. I've always known that I didn't belong with you guys. Hell, I don't belong anywhere. You and Alice have been nice enough taking pity and befriending the 'new girl'. Rose isn't telling me anything I don't already know."

"Alice and I weren't nice to you out of _pity_, Bella. I'm sure you've heard the rumors. We've never gone out of our way to be nice to anyone. People usually steer clear of us and we do the same. Don't let her get to you. You _do_ belong, and we want you here. Don't let her make you feel insecure or unsure of yourself, Bells. You're tough…just as tough as she is."

"How the hell do you know how I feel, Jazz?" I accused. "And damn fucking straight I'm as tough as she is. I've never given two shits about what anyone thought of me before, but something about this…about your family…I don't know, Jazz…something feels different. It's like I need to be here. Why? I don't know…but I do know that having her blatantly point out the obvious just pisses me the fuck off!" I ranted, snuffing out my cigarette and immediately lighting another.

"Trust your instincts, Bella.. We need you in our lives just as much as you need us. Time will prove Alice correct. She's never been wrong," he countered.

"So what, this is all because of some fucked up vision Alice had? That's the only reason you and Alice were nice to me? Why Edward has done some weird one-eighty and is suddenly interested in being a human being? Fuck that! I'm not putting myself out there just so Alice can keep her perfect track record," I yelled, abruptly standing up and storming towards the porch stairs.

"Bella!" Jasper yelled, quickly following after me and gently grabbing my arm, spinning me around to face him. "That's not what I meant. I'll admit, we went out of our way because of Alice initially, but Bella, I haven't seen Alice this happy in…I can't remember when. She loves you. And I thoroughly enjoy your company too. I haven't had a _real_ friend in a very long time, and I feel like you and I have become just that…friends," he confessed, smiling sheepishly.

"As for Edward…I can tell you that from the first moment he met you he felt something for you…but Edward is stubborn. It took him awhile to acknowledge and accept those feelings. Hell, even Emmett thinks of you as an honorary little sister…though having just met you…officially. And…I know you haven't met Carlisle and Esme yet, but they've heard so much about you from Alice and Edward that they already consider you a part of the family. Just don't give up on us, Bella. Not because of Rose," he begged..

I had never heard Jasper be so honest…or talkative. Our usual encounters consisted of simple bullshitting. Just as quickly as it had come, my anger dissipated. I threw myself at Jasper, engulfing him in a tight hug.

"Thank you... I'm really glad we've become friends. Having friends hasn't always been the easiest thing for me... I'm usually more comfortable alone, but being with you and Alice makes me feel like...like I've come home. I'm sorry I doubted you or her. I promise, I'm not giving up on any of you." My voice was muffled by the fact that my face was smashed against his shoulder.

Jasper pulled me tighter against his chest and whispered in my ear, "Have patience, Bella. Rose isn't evil…I promise."

I broke away from Jasper feeling significantly much better and followed him back into the house. Rose kept her distance and eventually we all went our separate ways and headed to bed.

I awoke Saturday morning feeling slightly "off". I wasn't sure if it was from the shit that went down between Rose and me the night before or if it was something else entirely, but I already felt on edge. I dressed quickly and made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Alice and Emmett stood in the middle of the massive space, covered head to toe in various types of food, but the island was filled with every kind of breakfast food imaginable. Pancakes, waffles, fresh fruit, eggs, bacon, toast…it was an all you could eat buffet.

"Jesus…you planning on feeding an army?" I asked, heading straight for the coffee pot.

"Actually, it's all for you. We weren't sure what you preferred, so we made a little of everything," Emmett announced proudly.

"What about everyone else?" I asked, eyeing the massive display of food in front of me.

"Well Emmett and I have been picking while we were cooking, so we're stuffed, and Edward and Rose don't normally eat breakfast. Jasper already left to run some errands," Alice said.

After taking a little of everything to be polite, I was beyond full. Emmett and Alice refused my help in doing the dishes, leaving me to shower and get dressed for the day. As I descended the stairs for a second time that morning, I was annoyed to find only Rosalie, sitting curled up on the couch, flipping through a magazine.

I walked passed her, purposely ignoring her and went out to the back porch for a morning smoke. As I leaned against the rail, enjoying the quiet the surrounding forest provided, I heard the back door open and footsteps approach behind me.

"Ugh…why are you still here? I honestly thought you would have gotten the point yesterday," a female voice said behind me. I cringed as the realization that Rosalie had followed me outside registered. I closed my eyes and clenched my fists before turning around.

"What the _fuck_ is your problem? Everyone else seems to want me here but you. Are you really that insecure? Get over yourself. I pose no threat to you…you're gorgeous and perfect. I get it. We _all_ fucking get it." I threw my hands up in frustration.

"You're just a temporary fascination to them. They'll come to their senses soon enough," she answered nonchalantly, examining her perfectly manicured nails.

"Oh my fucking God. I am _not _in the mood for this shit today, Rose. Just leave me the fuck alone…go back inside and…I don't know…primp yourself or something," I said, turning back around and lighting another cigarette.

"Sorry. No can do. The others went out and unfortunately I was assigned _pet_ sitting duty," she answered, lowering herself into the wicker lounge chair on the deck.

"Fine…I'll leave then." I pushed myself off the deck banister and made my way down the deck stairs, crossing the expansive back lawn and walked towards the forest. I glanced quickly behind me and was relieved to see that Rose had not left her perch on the chair. I followed a narrow path that carved through the trees deep into the forest.

It was relatively cold out and a slight drizzle had begun to fall, making me grateful I had been smart enough to have dressed in long sleeves and thrown on a black hoodie before leaving the house. I followed the path further, admiring the varying shades of green that surrounded me.

After almost half an hour, I reached a clearing among the trees. It was relatively small, but a perfect place to get some peace and quiet and it afforded me the opportunity to be alone and far from Rose. There was an uprooted tree which had fallen perfectly between two large Oaks, creating an almost bench type area. Folding my legs under me, I sat down on the makeshift seat, holding my head in my hands.

I replayed my conversations with both Edward and Jasper. Each had assured me that Rose wasn't a threat, but I was beginning to think they underestimated the malevolence of their sister. She had been nothing but a thorn in my side since day one. I had promised Jasper that I wouldn't give up on the rest of them…and it was a promise I intended to keep.

Edward and I had only begun to explore the mutual feelings we had for each other, and I refused to let a tyrant like Rose ruin that for us. My life had been turned upside down by the death of my mother, and damn it, I deserved some happiness. Some escape from the anger and hurt harboring deep in my heart and soul, and if Edward could provide that, then Rose be damned. I would put up with her constant berating and insults, and I would show that bitch that Bella Swan was not someone to be messed with.

I pushed up my sleeves and dug out my cigarettes, lighting one as I began formulating a plan of attack. A soft rustling from my left captured my attention, pulling me from my internal scheming. From behind a curtain of ferns emerged a lone man, his hair jet black, long, and tied tightly into a ponytail at the base of his neck. He wore a simple black T-shirt and ripped jeans. Despite the rain and frigid temperature, he had no jacket and no shoes. His frame was muscular and his skin the color of Alabaster - almost the exact same color as Alice and Edwards.

I scrambled to my feet, faster than I thought was even possible for my clumsy self and backed up a bit. He stopped just on the outskirts of the ferns, seeming to inhale deeply.

"Well, this is a surprise," he cooed, his voice thick with a foreign accent and raising tiny goose bumps across my skin. "I was unaware anyone was out here." He took a few steps further into the clearing, his mouth curving up into a twisted grin. As he continued to advance towards me I took notice of his eyes. The deep scarlet color seemed to swim and dance with excitement.

"Are you…lost?" I asked, fear lacing my voice. I mentally began trying to calculate an escape route. I was surrounded on all sides by forest and at least five miles from the Cullen's house. My mind surmised that the odds of a successful escape were not in my favor.

"No, Child. I seem to have found what I was looking for; the girl with the Ankh tattoo. Though I must say, I'm a bit astounded that I could not sense you before." He inhaled deeply again. "In fact, I still can't seem to smell you…but that is neither here nor there at this point." He pressed towards me further, stopping barely ten feet away from me. I self consciously covered my tattooed wrist with my other hand.

"I'm sorry. You must have me confused with someone else. I should really get back…I have friends expecting me," I lied in a futile attempt to prevent whatever this monster was planning.

"Oh…I don't think I'm confused. This won't take long," he answered, crouching low to the ground and exposing his unnaturally perfect teeth. Accepting the fact that I wouldn't be able to fight him off or escape, I closed my eyes and waited for the attack.

Suddenly my back was flattened against the trunk of a tree and I tensed, waiting for the pain. When after a few seconds no pain registered, I hesitantly opened my eyes. Rose stood with her back to me, crouched with both arms bent backwards, creating a human cage around me. A menacing sound bubbled up from her throat. _A growl? Was that a growl?_ _What the fuck is happening?_ I tilted my head over Rose's shoulder. My attacker was still crouched down, mimicking Rosalie's stance. His ruby eyes bounced back and forth between Rose and me.

"She is with me and I suggest you leave, Nomad. Others are on their way," Rose warned.

"Do yourself and your coven a favor and let me have her. Your human here is a hot commodity you know. If she is who I think she is, there is a rather large bounty on her head," he countered.

"Placed by whom?" Rose questioned.

_Coven? Hot commodity? Bounty? Holy fuck…what the hell…_

"Ahh that is not information I am at liberty to disclose. Just…let me have her. Save yourself," Red – as I had nicknamed him due to his eyes– answered.

"Over my dead body," Rose replied. Red laughed in response then suddenly, he pushed off the ground and leapt towards us. An angry snarl ripped from Rose's chest as she sprang towards him in response, both colliding in mid air. The sound of their two bodies colliding resounded like a crack of thunder, echoing and bouncing off every tree in the forest. My hands instinctively flew to cover my ears, protecting them from the deafening noise. Both of them landed on their feet with unnatural grace.

Rose and Red circled each other, disturbing and intimidating snarls resonating from both of them. Their movements became too fast for my eyes to follow, only the sound of scraping metal alerting me to their positions.

I staggered forward, abandoning my position against the tree trunk. Wet, fat tears threatened to fall as I screamed Rose's name, terrified that she was hurt. I spun around in circles, following the deafening noise as they moved around me.

Suddenly, strong hands grabbed my shoulder and pulled me backwards. I stumbled, slamming back into the trunk of the tree. My hands instinctively reached behind me and grabbed on to the tree, holding on to it with all my strength. In front of me stood five figures, all crouched and making the same menacing sound as Rose. Three of the figures I recognized – Alice, Jasper and Emmett. The other two figures were strangers; a tall, blond, younger looking man and a small, slender woman with caramel-colored hair flowing down her back, stopping just past her shoulders.

Cold hands grabbed the sides of my face and turned my head. It took a moment for my shocked eyes to register the face floating in front of me; Edward.

"Bella, Bella…are you okay?" he asked, quickly appraising me up and down, panic and anger mixing and swirling in his wild, black eyes.

My fingers dug deeper into the tree trunk as I nodded and uttered the only words my brain could manage. "Rose…my God, please…help Rose," I cried.

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**Chapter lyrics by Godsmack, song titled "Make Me Believe". I would love to hear what you all thought of this chapter. Did you love it as much as I do, was it missing something? Let me know.  
**


	10. Chapter 10  Bleed

**Ah, finally the big reveal. Much love to ecandme for her dedication to helping me obsess. Please check out 'Crooked Halo's and Ink Junkies'. **

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_It's not what it seems  
Not what you think  
No I must be dreaming  
It's only in my mind  
Not in real life  
No I must be dreaming_

_Not what it seems  
Not what you think  
I must be dreaming_

"Rose is fine," Alice called over her shoulder. "Edward…," she trailed off.

Edward cocked his head to one side, almost as if listening to something that only he could hear. "Yes…that works," he answered back. He gripped the sides of my face harder. "Carlisle and Esme will stay here with you…just in case. The rest of us are going to finish this. He won't get anywhere near you, Bella. I promise," he explained, his eyes still locked with mine. He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on my forehead before he, Alice, Jasper and Emmett disappeared. Two figures – who I assumed were Carlisle and Esme - stayed crouched in front of me, guarding me from a fight moving so quickly that I couldn't even see it.

I heard Edward shout out for Rose, followed by the deafening sound of bodies colliding. Growls and hisses sliced through the air, assaulting my ears. I twisted my head around the woman's slender shoulders and looked out into the clearing. Emmett and Rose had the man by one arm, while Alice and Jasper had him by the other. Edward stood with his back facing me, both hands on either side of Red's face. A long, deep snarl ripped from his chest as in one quick movement, he ripped the man's head from his body.

In horrified silence, I pressed myself flush against the tree and watched as the rest of the Cullen clan ripped appendages from Red's body and placed them in a pile. It was like watching a train wreck, traumatic but I just couldn't look away. Once all of the pieces were gathered, Edward reached into his pocket and pulled out something small and shiny. I realized it was a lighter as he lifted the lid, flicked the thumbwheel and tossed it directly onto the heap that had once made up a walking, talking, breathing human being.

As the lighter connected with the remains, flames danced up towards the sky, sending purplish blue smoke into the air. A sickeningly sweet odor invaded my lungs, causing my stomach to turn. I covered my mouth and slid down the trunk of the tree until I was sitting. My breaths were coming in short, rapid bursts and I was afraid I might hyperventilate and pass out.

I closed my eyes, trying in vain to process what I had just witnessed, but none of it made sense. Questions rapidly shot through my head, each one sending me spiraling deeper into confusion. How did they know where I was? How did Rose move so fast? Why would Edward and his family willing decapitate a stranger in the middle of the woods? What happened to throwing a good old fashioned upper cut? Normal circumstance warrants you knock the fucker out, not rip his head from his goddamn body. And how the hell had they managed to extricate his limbs so effortlessly? Emmett could maybe, but Alice? Tiny Alice? No fucking way.

"Bella?" a man's voice called.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked up. Carlisle and Esme were facing me, staring down with sympathetic expressions, like parents whose child had just woken up from a nightmare. _A nightmare. I'm dreaming…I have to be. I'll wake up soon, warm and comfortable in my bed. _My eyes glazed over and I stared unblinkingly at the moss covered ground. I contemplated pinching myself, but there was no need as Carlisle spoke to me again, snapping me out of my reverie.

"Bella? Are you alright?" he asked softly. I answered with one quick nod of my head. I couldn't talk. Not yet. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth I would cry. I was doing one hell of a job keeping the terrified tears from spilling over. Opening my mouth – well that would open the floodgates. He nodded, wrapped his arm around Esme and walked away.

Edward had his back to me, his shoulders stiff and hands clenched into fists. I felt an overwhelming urge to run and comfort him, despite my mind reminding me that he had just decapitated a man with those hands. Unfortunately my body sided with my mind and refused to move.

I watched silently as Rosalie stalked towards him; her movements graceful yet lethal. "Next time, keep a better eye on your pet. This is the one and only time I will save her," she hissed. Turning quickly on her heel, she grabbed Emmett's hand and pulled him along, both of them disappearing through the thick brush. I watched their retreating forms until I could no longer see them. Taking a deep breath and steeling my nerves I turned my head back towards the clearing.

Alice and Jasper were watching me, their figures occasionally obscured by wispy tendrils of smoke rising up from the smoldering ashes.

"Edward?" I whispered. I watched his chest rise and fall as he exhaled sharply and turned around slowly. As he stood facing me, I noticed his face was contorted in a mixture of fear and sadness.

"Bella…." His fists unclenched and he held them up, palms facing me, as if in a sign of surrender. "Bella, I _promise _I will not hurt you." He took a tentative step forward. Confusion spread through my brain like wildfire. I couldn't explain it, but somewhere deep down I knew that he would never hurt me. I may have just witnessed an execution, but I didn't feel that my safety was in jeopardy. A sliver of my consciousness was horrified that I still trusted the Cullens, but I reasoned with myself that Edward and his family had killed to protect me.

"I don't think you would hurt me," I admitted, though it may have been more to myself than to him.

"You're not…..you're not afraid of me?" he asked, his brows furrowing in confusion.

"No. No I'm not afraid of you. Of the situation…yes. And I have a shitload of questions…"

He slowly walked to where I was and sat on the mossy floor beside me.

I looked into his eyes and gasped slightly. His usually vibrant gold eyes were now a murky black. "You killed him, Edward. They held him down, and you ripped his fucking head from his body. I don't understand. Why? How? I just…I can't…" I stuttered, trying to find the words to describe the thoughts flying through my mind. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. As I laid my head against his chest I noticed two things. First it was hard, as if his chest were made of granite or marble. Second, he was cold; colder than any normal person should be. I had a momentary feeling of déjà vu, as if I had had these realizations at another time.

"Bella. There are things you don't know. Things I don't know that I can explain," he mumbled into my hair.

Suddenly a memory came unlocked in my brain; the memory that had tugged on my subconscious during my dream. The speed, the strength, the hard, cold feel of their skin, it all flooded back to me.

"Cold Ones," I whispered. Edward pulled away and stared at me in shock.

"What did you just say?" he asked.

"Cold Ones. But that's just a legend. _A story_,_"_ I answered. I looked up at Edward, looking for confirmation. _It_ was_ just a story wasn't it?_ He stared back at me, mouth slightly open.

"How…how do you know about that?" he whispered.

"I spent two weeks every summer here until I was fourteen. Charlie's best friend Billy has a son. Jacob. We used to hang out at the beach in La Push while Charlie and Billy fished. Jacob told me _all_ the Quileute stories. That's probably where my fascination with vampires came from now that I think of it." Minutes dragged on after my confession and the silence became deafening. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore.

"So…it's true? That's what you are?" I asked.

Edward stood abruptly and turned away from me. "He broke the treaty," he hissed.

"Treaty? What treaty? He just thought they were stories and he thought his father was insane! He didn't mean any harm. We were just kids!" I jumped up from my spot at the base of the tree and stood in front of him.

"Edward, calm down," Alice instructed, walking to stand beside me. Jasper followed and flanked me on the other side. A flash wave of calm rolled over me, once again confusing me. It was the same sensation I had felt the day before, facing down Rosalie. Edward's narrowed eyes focused on Jasper for a moment before returning to me.

I placed my hand on his cheek and rose up on my toes to look him directly in the eyes. "Edward, I don't care what you are. It doesn't matter to me. Jasper and Alice…they are more to me than just friends; they are like family. The only family I have left besides Charlie. And you…" I took a moment to briefly debate with myself on whether now was the time to confess my feelings for him. My cautionary side won out and I exhaled slowly. "Well, you are pretty important too."

"It doesn't matter, Bella? How can it not matter? I've _killed _people! Shit, you just watched me kill someone! And he wasn't even human! I'm a monster, Bella. The worst kind," he yelled, taking a few steps away from me.

"What do you mean he wasn't human? He was…he was like you?" I asked. Edward nodded, his eyes fixated on the ground. "But he didn't look like you. His eyes…they were…blood red."

"That's because he drinks human blood, Bella. He isn't a vegetarian," Edward answered.

"Vege…wait a goddamn minute." I thought back to my first conversation with Jasper. '_It's our diet. It changes our eye color. We're vegetarians, as is our whole family.' _His words came flooding back to me, ringing loudly in my ears. I took a step forward and turned to face Alice and Jasper. "You mean…you two…Rosalie, Emmett? All of you…?" They both quickly nodded their heads.

I sighed and turned back to face Edward, my face softening. "Edward, you are _not_ a monster. You're beautiful and I trust you…" Edward quickly cut me off.

"Stop, Bella. Despite how you may think you feel I assure you that everything you find appealing is all just part of the lie. We are wired to kill. There's nothing beautiful about that."

I took a few steps back, placing myself behind Alice and Jasper. Anger quickly overwhelmed me, causing my hands to shake. "Just who the fuck do you think you are trying to tell me what I feel? All my life my feelings, my decisions, they were never valid enough. No one ever took them seriously. I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and allow you to tell me the same thing. So I'll tell you what I think. I think that if you wanted to kill me... you would have done it already, so just stop with the bullshit," I spat.

Alice and Jasper looked at each other and smirked.

"Feisty," Jasper whispered to Alice. I narrowed my eyes and glared at him. He mouthed a silent 'sorry' and took a step back. I refocused on Edward, his jaw tight with frustration. I saw him nod once in Jasper's direction. Instantly the anger that was coursing through my veins fizzled, leaving me frustrated.

"What's with the fucking nodding? What am I missing, and why the hell do my emotions keep switching?" I yelled, trying to hold on to the last remnants of anger I had and failing miserably.

"Bella, come sit. Let's talk," Alice suggested. I watched as she crossed her tiny legs and gracefully floated to the ground, patting the ground beside her. I stole a quick glance at Edward, noticing his face had not relaxed and his arms now crossed his chest. I walked over to Alice, and with not nearly the same amount of grace, flopped down on the forest floor tucking my knees up towards my chin.

"There are some things you should know. And since my brother here has decided to take to self loathing, I guess I should explain," she began. Edward rolled his eyes at his sister, but his body relaxed slightly.

"Our family is not like the others of our kind. We survive off animals not humans. That is what makes our eyes are gold and not red like the vampire you saw. It's only fair that now that you know what we are, you know that some of us have special abilities." She glanced at Edward. "Do you remember me telling you I was sort of psychic?" she asked.

"Yes." I answered, remembering clearly that day in the gym.

"Well I, for example, can see things; things that _could_ happen. It's subjective though, as the future can always change. The visions are based on decisions, so as the decisions change, so does the future. And Jasper…well he can control a person's emotions. So the sudden switch in your emotions…that's his doing." She looked up at him and smiled.

I looked up at Edward and smirked. "See, so you can't possibly know what I'm feeling when Mr. Mood Swing here keeps jacking with my fucking emotions." I turned and looked at Jasper. "And you…knock it off and kindly give me back my anger. I'd like to hold on that…for safe keeping you know."

Jasper laughed and shook his head. "Sorry, no can do, Bells. It's better for _my_ emotional well being when everyone is calm. Not only can I manipulate your emotions, but I also feel them. So you pissed off equals me pissed off and Alice doesn't like it much when I'm angry."

I laughed and looked up at Edward. "So what's your superpower? Oh wait, let me guess…being an asshole. Is that it?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.

He placed a hand on the back of his neck and looked down at me smugly. "Actually, no. I can read minds."

I felt my face flush with embarrassment. Edward could read minds? _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! _Obviously seeing the panic clearly written across my face, Edward let out a low chuckle.

"Except yours," he added.

I looked at him suspiciously. "What do you mean 'except yours'?"

"Your mind is the only one I have encountered where I hear nothing. Not even a whisper. It's completely closed off to me."

I sighed in relief.

"I can't see you either, Bella," Alice added.

I furrowed my brow in confusion. "But you said you 'knew' I was coming. How could you know that if you can't see me?"

"I saw _someone._ I never actually saw _you_."

"Why? What's wrong with me?" Alice and Edward chuckled softly.

Suddenly I started laughing.

"Bella?" Edward knelt down in front of me, his expression worried.

"Is she going into shock?" Alice asked him. She reached out to put her arm around me and I smacked her hand away, hurting myself more than I probably hurt her.

"No, no. It…makes..sense…now," I answered, trying to catch my breath.

They all looked at each other confused. "What makes sense now?" Jasper asked Edward. He shook his head, still watching me.

I looked at him and started laughing harder. "Yesterday, in the car! You got pissed over that vampire song! I argued about vampires with…a vampire!" I answered, tears now streaming down my face. Alice and Jasper began laughing with me. Only Edward seemed unable to find the humor in my realization. After a few minutes, the three of us were able to stifle our laughter. Edward sat across from Alice and me, glaring at us.

I cleared my throat. "Sorry, Edward. I just thought it was funny."

"So I see," he answered.

"Yeah, sorry, Edward," Alice said.

I looked up at the sky and noticed tiny slivers of sun desperately trying to push against the clouds. A sudden thought hit me and I looked back down at Alice. "So, umm. Don't vampires like…burn in the sunlight?" I asked her.

"Myth. You can definitely tell we are different when we are in direct sunlight, but we'll show you that some other time," she answered.

"Well obviously you don't die by being staked. So that's a myth. What about Holy Water? Does it burn you?"

Alice laughed. "No. That's a myth also. As is garlic, turning into bats, fangs, sleeping in coffins." She ticked each one off on her tiny fingers.

"Yeah, I gathered the no sleeping in coffins one based on the fact that you all have beds," I answered.

"Actually, that's for appearances and…_other _things," she said, looking at Jasper seductively.

Edward sighed. "What Alice was _trying_ to say, before she got distracted, was that we don't sleep…ever."

"Hmm." One last question flashed through my mind as I looked at Edward, only the faintest hint of black still swirling in his golden eyes. "So isn't your natural instinct to…feed…off people?"

"Yes. But it's a lifestyle choice we've made. True animals aren't as…fulfilling…as humans, but they keep us alive just the same," he answered.

"So…how can you stand to be around me without wanting to…you know…drain me."

Edward and Alice exchanged a quick glance. She hesitated for a moment before she answered. "Actually…we…well we can't smell you. I mean we can…but it's so faint that it barely registers."

"Except for me," Edward said.

"Except for him," Alice echoed.

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**Chapter title and lyrics by Evanescence. I'd love to hear from you...your thoughts, predictions...**


	11. Chapter 11  All Secrets Known

**Sorry for the delay in this chapter. It's been a ride, that's for sure. This chapter has been edited and re-edited about a million times in an effort to make it _just right. _Much love to ecandme for her help with this. It is my own, personal goal to get back to a regular updating schedule. Love to you all for hanging with me!**

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_Hope,  
A new beginning  
Time,  
Time to start living  
Like just before we died_

_There's no going back  
To the place we started from  
All secrets known..._

Looking between Alice and Edward, I tried to understand the significance of what they were saying.

Edward could 'smell' me, yet the others could not.

Granted my knowledge of vampires was limited, and based entirely on fiction it would seem, but even still I was pretty sure being unable to sense a human wasn't a common thing for a vampire.

I grabbed a handful of hair and pulled it close to my nose, inhaling deeply. It was wet from the rain, making the fragrance of my cherry blossom shampoo intensified.

"I don't understand," I said, looking up at Edward.

"Your blood, Bella. They can't smell your blood," Edward stated. He must have noticed the look of confusion lingering on my face because he continued his explanation. "Any blood is a constant temptation for us. But human blood… the smell, the sound, it causes the monster inside of us to rage. It's a struggle every day not to give in to our natural impulses. Yet we fight the battle, attempting to hold on to a shred of our humanity. Human blood would be a means to an end of the insufferable fire that burns in our throats constantly, but if we succumb to the thirst, then we are no more than the monster that drives it,"

From the look on their faces, I think Edward and Alice expected me to be terrified. A normal person would have run screaming from the forest, but I had never been quite normal. So in reality, I took a moment to digest this information and simply nodded my head. It would seem my inability to fit into the world around me also extended into the supernatural world. Even here I was the outcast.

"But if you can smell me, smell my blood, then you are constantly fighting the urge for it," I whispered. The idea of Edward in constant pain because of me weighed heavily in my chest, causing my heart to ache and twist..

"No, actually, your blood does not appeal to me in that manner," Edward said gently. I looked up at him in surprise. He smiled and continued, "For me it's not about bloodlust. Can I smell your blood...yes. Does it make me thirsty...yes. But do I have the desire to…drain you…as you so eloquently put it…no. It is not your blood that draws me to you, but more so an overwhelming urge to be close to you. And that urge is stronger than any bloodlust I have come across in this existence."

I wasn't entirely sure what Edward meant by that. I would have assumed that a vampire's thirst would be stronger than any other desire. But I was schooled, yet again, in just how many misconceptions there were about vampires. And why wouldn't there be? To every other human they were simply mythical creatures that only existed in stories and movies.

"The upside to the fact that my family, and apparently the Nomad, can't smell you is that it makes it much harder for you to be tracked," Edward said, interrupting my internal musings.

"Track…" I stated, though it came out more like a question.

"It's exactly what it sounds like, Bella. Essentially we are predators, so we rely on our senses to guide us. But because of our genetic makeup, we have more enhanced senses than that of a normal predator. It is absolutely essential to our hunting abilities. When a vampire 'tracks' a human, our senses are in overdrive. It doesn't matter where our prey try to hide, we will still find them. We can hear the faintest of sounds…from very far away; the beating of your heart, the blood pulsing in your veins, even the tiniest, quietest movements. We use your scent to follow your path, things you've come in contact with, places you've been.

"Since smell is our primary and most enhanced sense, hearing and sight are only secondary. You in particular do not smell to other vampires, so they would have to know _exactly_ where to look for you, and even then they would really only be working with one sense…their hearing," Edward explained.

"So vampires rely primarily on their sense of smell? And you can smell things humans can't," I questioned.

"Yes. For example we can smell emotions. Fear, embarrassment, uncertainty and...arousal."

I quickly looked down and idly played with a strand of grass. The thought of Edward possibly smelling my arousal caused my face to flush. He gently placed his finger under my chin and brought my eyes back up to his.

"Even that, your blush, it magnifies the scent of your blood and I can smell that small change."

I looked past Edward to the forest behind him, my mind working overtime as it tried to comprehend all this new information. I was finding the nature of vampires fascinating and yet completely illogical. It was kind of like trying to wrap your mind around the concept of infinity. Our brains simply weren't wired to grasp such things. There were so many factors that made the actual existence of vampires impossible. Things like how they had no beating heart, yet maintained human emotions. They were dead, in every sense, yet they still had the capability to move, to think, to feel. I wanted answers, I _needed_ answers.

"Bella...hello, earth to Bella," I faintly heard Alice call. I felt a cold hand gently tap my shoulder, pulling back from my internal pondering.

"Yeah...sorry," I said, shaking my head to clear the lingering thoughts.

"It's a lot to process, we know. So how about we head back to the house and officially introduce you to Carlisle and Esme?" Alice offered, standing up and smiling down at me.

Edward stood and held his hand out to help me up. I reached up and intertwined my fingers around his. A jolt of electricity shot up my arm and settled in the pit of my stomach. I shook my head and laughed quietly. "Do you feel that," I asked, smiling up at Edward. He nodded and returned my smile, the action transforming his face, making him more beautiful than normal and momentarily took my breath away.

"Jasper, why don't you go ahead and tell the others we're on our way back," Alice instructed. Jasper nodded and walked towards her, leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on her temple.

Instantly Jasper had disappeared. I stared after him for a few seconds, my jaw hanging slightly open. I heard Alice clear her throat and I turned back towards her. She stood with her back to me, looking over her shoulder expectantly.

"I'm sorry, Alice…what is it exactly you want me to do?" I asked.

"Hop on. We'll get back to the house faster,"

"Alice. I'm not getting on your back! For one, I'm at least a good five inches taller than you and second, I have a good twenty pounds on you!" I folded my arms across my chest. Alice turned around to face me, rolled her eyes and walked to the edge of the clearing. She stood next to a large boulder that protruded from the ground and was just a few inches shorter than she was. Edward laughed quietly next to me and I eyed him suspiciously, noticing that the smirk on his face caused a slight dimple in his right cheek.

"Watch," he said, nodding towards his sister. I narrowed my eyes at him, but turned my head back to focus on Alice.

"Ready, Bella?" she asked.

"I…guess?" I answered hesitantly. Alice placed both of her hands on either side of the enormous boulder and with no effort at all, lifted it above her head. Had I not been absolutely stunned I would have laughed at the image before me. The only part of Alice that was exposed was her legs, visible from underneath the rock.

"Holy fuck! Point taken." I heard Alice's chiming laughter as she let go of the boulder and it smashed back down into its original hole, shaking the ground as it landed. Instantly Alice was in front of me, her back once again facing me.

"Let's try this again," she said.

"Right…I get that you're strong, Alice, I do, but you're just so...small," I tried to argue.

"Fine," Alice huffed.

"Ok. So we'll just...walk?"

"No," Alice countered. "Edward will carry you."

"Wait, what? Alice, no..." I stuttered, instantly regretting trying to argue with her.

"It's simple, Bella. If you won't let me, then Edward will run you. You know the saying, Bells...save a horse, ride a vampire? Just consider Edward your own personal horse. Hell, you can even call him Mr. Ed if it makes you feel better," Alice said, smiling smugly.

I stared at her, momentarily stunned. From the corner of my eye I saw Edward shaking his head, his lip curved up in a small smile. He apparently found his little witch of a sister to be quite amusing. Resigned I motioned for Edward to turn around. He complied and crouched down. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I sighed. "Giddy up then," I said as I jumped on and wrapped my arms around his neck. He hooked his arms around my legs, securing me on his back, and then like a flash of lighting we were racing through the trees, streaks of green and brown blurring past us.

The wind whipped my hair and the cold air and rain stung as it pelted my face, but none of that mattered to me in that moment. A rush of adrenaline coursed through me and my entire body felt alive and free. Even my bike couldn't grant this level of freedom. I threw my head back, closed my eyes and laughed.

Sooner than I would have liked, we came to a stop at the edge of the tree line to the Cullen's backyard. I squealed as I hopped off Edward's back and immediately covered my mouth with my hand. Alice and Edward turned to look at me wide eyed for a moment before both started laughing.

"Shit, Bella, I wouldn't have taken you for a squealer," Edward said, his eyes darkening slightly as he winked at me. I bit my bottom lip as I quickly imagined of all the ways Edward could probably make me squeal. It was a good thing he was unable to read my mind.

Following Edward and Alice across the yard and into the house, I noticed Jasper and Emmett sitting in the living room and as I walked in, they both looked up at me and started laughing.

"Seriously, Bella… did you really just squeal?" Jasper asked.

Emmett looked at Edward and winked. Whatever Emmett was thinking made Edward laugh and shake his head. Instantly I knew it had to have been something dirty and concluded that Emmett and I would get along just fine.

"How the hell…no, wait." I put my hand up just as Emmett opened his mouth to answer. "Super hearing. Shit." With very little grace, I flopped down on the couch in front of me, falling into the soft cushion right beside Jasper and exhaled sharply. There was so much to process, so much to learn, understand and acclimate to. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the back, information twisting and swirling around in my brain.

Someone cleared their throat and I opened my eyes. Rolling my head to the side I saw the unknown figures from the forest standing in the doorway. The small woman was tucked behind the man, letting him lead. Her eyes danced with excitement and happiness as she peered around his shoulder at me.

"Isabella, it's a pleasure to finally meet you. My name is Carlisle, and the excited woman behind me is my wife, Esme," he introduced, coming further into the room and holding out his hand. I quickly jumped up from my spot on the couch.

"It's Bella. And it's nice to finally meet you too, Dr. Cullen," I answered, shaking his hand.

"Please, call me Carlisle."

Esme stepped out from behind her husband and extended her arms. "May I?" she asked. I nodded and stepped closer to her. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me in tightly. "Oh, Bella. I wanted to be here yesterday when you came, but everyone thought it would be better if we waited. So Carlisle and I went and stayed in the cabin behind the house. We didn't want to overwhelm you." She pulled back and smiled sweetly at me and I couldn't help but return the smile. Physically she couldn't have been more than 26, maybe 27, and despite her frigid temperature she exuded such warmth. Everything about her screamed mother.

"I hate to do this so quickly, Bella, but I'd like to discuss today's events," Carlisle said, settling himself in the armchair across the room. Esme tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and gently laid her palm on my cheek. I found myself leaning into her hand, like a child seeking the comfort of her mother. She smiled and turned, perching herself on the arm of Carlisle's chair.

"I don't know any more than the rest of you, Carlisle. I never thought there would come a day when I could say this but…I was glad to see Rose," I said, returning to my seat. I tilted my head back and looked up at Edward who was still leaning against the back of the couch. "Where were the rest of you anyway?"

He straightened and walked around the arm of the couch, trailing his finger across my shoulder blades as he moved, causing small goose bumps to prickle my skin at the contact. He sat down next to me and placed one of my hands between his.

"We came across an unfamiliar scent in the forest a few days ago. Alice had a vision of the Nomad coming dangerously close to the house, so we left Rose here just in case and the rest of us went out to intercept him. We caught his scent a few miles East of where you were, but then the scent disappeared..." Edward trailed off.

"Damn dogs," Emmett said under his breath. Edward's head shot up and he glared in his brother's direction.

"Dogs?" I inquired. Edward stared at Emmett a few seconds longer before he turned back to me and smiled.

"It's nothing. So like I said...we lost the scent. Then Alice had a vision of Rose and the Nomad in the clearing. So we took off in that direction," he continued.

I shot Edward a pointed glance. I wasn't stupid, and was well aware I was hearing the edited version of the story. I made a mental note to bring it up later. There were more important questions to be answered. Edward seemed to sense that I wasn't going to let the dogs comment drop easily and gave Emmett one last aggravated glance.

Satisfied that we would discuss it later, I moved on. "Do we have any idea what this Nomad wanted?" I asked, directing my attention to Carlisle.

"Well, we were hoping you could tell _us_ what he wanted, Bella. Do you have _any_ idea at all what he was after?" Carlisle questioned. I shook my head as I mentally replayed the scene from earlier, letting Red's words bounce around my brain. _Bounty, hot commodity. _

"Wait. Edward, you read minds…" I suddenly blurted out. He nodded carefully. "What was Red thinking about?"

"Who's Red, Bella?" Edward asked.

I rolled my eyes. "The Nomad...it's what I've been calling him," I answered, shrugging my shoulders. From the corner of the room, Emmett laughed loudly. "What?" I asked him, narrowing my eyes.

"Damn, Bella. Only you would nickname a person intent on killing you!" Emmett exclaimed.

I folded my arms across my chest and leaned back into the cushions. "Bite me, Emmett." My retort only seemed to make Emmett laugh harder and Jasper to join him. Alice and Esme quietly giggled and both Edward and Carlisle wore matching smiles. It was then that I realized the irony of my statement and laughed at my own unintentional joke.

"I only caught bits and pieces. He wasn't thinking rationally or clearly for that matter. Everything seemed to run together and not a coherent thought came through. Maybe Rose can help. Rose?" Edward called, his voice barely above a whisper. In the blink of an eye she was standing in the doorway, looking as disinterested as always.

"He mentioned a bounty, but never specifically mentioned Bella's name. It was only implied," she answered. There were a few moments of silence as she looked directly at Edward.

I leaned over to Jasper. "What's happening?" I whispered.

"She's showing Edward what happened up until the point he arrived," he answered.

"Bella, what happened before Rose showed up?" Edward suddenly asked, turning to look at me.

"Umm, well, Rose was being a bitch, so I took off..." Rosalie hissed in my direction, but I ignored her and continued, "I found this clearing in the woods and sat on this makeshift bench, just thinking. Then Red showed up."

"Right before Rose showed up... At any point did you roll up your sleeves? Exposing your tattoo?" he asked as he reached for my right arm and gently pushed up the cuff of the hoodie. I looked down and stared at the black ink.

"Yes!" I exclaimed, pulling the memory from my clouded brain. "I rolled up my sleeves when I lit my cigarette. And Red said something about a girl with the Ankh tattoo. That was who he was looking for!" I looked up at Edward, my eyes wide in realization. "So he _was_ looking for me!"

"That's exactly what it sounded like to me," Rose interjected.

"We don't know that yet, Bella. He said he was looking for _someone_ with an Ankh tattoo, not necessarily _you," _he answered, gently rubbing my wrist with the pad of his thumb. I knew it was an attempt to comfort me, but Rose's statement had already taken root in my mind.

"Did you happen to hear who he was associated with? Who put the bounty out?" Carlisle interrupted.

Edward sighed and shook his head. "No. At least he wasn't thinking of any affiliations. But he was confused about her lack of scent and his inability to sense her before he stumbled onto her," he answered.

"Which is quite exquisite in itself. In all my years, I've never come across a human who was undetectable. I imagine you would have an amazing talent should you ever be turned," Carlisle mused.

"Carlisle..." Edward warned. He looked at Edward and Edward nodded. I assumed they were having a silent conversation, so I decided to let the subject drop for the moment. Edward and I were still on shaky ground, so there was no use discussing something as critical as me becoming one of them. I wasn't even sure that would be something I would want. Still, I closed my eyes as my mind wandered, attempting to picture what life as a vampire must be like. I wrapped my free hand around my necklace and pulled it from under my shirt, twirling it mindlessly around my fingers as I usually did when I was lost in my thoughts. Suddenly I heard Carlisle gasp from across the room. When I opened my eyes, he was standing directly in front of me, staring down at the necklace with interest.

"May I?" he asked, holding out his hand. Despite Alice and Edward telling me the truth of all the myths humans had believed, I hesitantly placed the cross in his palm. As visions from classic horror movies played through my mind, I almost expected to hear sizzling and see smoke from the mere touch of the cross to his skin. But of course none of that happened. He leaned in closer to inspect it, turning it over gently and running a finger across the intricately engraved pattern on the back. "Edward..." he whispered. Edward stood and peered over Carlisle's shoulder. "Look closely...here. Do you see it?"

"Do you think it means something?" Edward asked. He pulled the cross closer and I found myself having to lean into them as the chain became taught against the skin on my neck.

"I'm sorry, but I don't ever take this off. Wherever the necklace goes, I'm coming with. So easy on the neck, ok?" I said, scooting myself to the edge of the couch. Edward and Carlisle looked at me confused for a moment before they seemed to comprehend what I was telling them.

"Oh...I'm so sorry, Bella," Carlisle said, releasing the cross and allowing it to fall gently back against my chest. "You know, it's been a stressful day. Why don't we drop the heavy stuff for now and relax for awhile. I have some research I'd like to do before we continue anyway." He looked at Edward. Edward nodded and turned to me, his expression no longer curious, but playful.

He reached a hand out to me. "How about we take a walk? The rain seems to have stopped and there's a place I'd love to show you."

"How about we go for a run instead?" I asked, grabbing his hand and using his unyielding body to pull myself off the couch.

"We could do that," he answered, winking at me and turning towards the back door with me in tow.

"Have fun," Alice said teasingly. I looked over my shoulder at her and she winked. The sudden realization that my entire personal life would be broadcast over the Psychic Alice Network gave me pause as my cheeks flushed slightly. Everything I did...everything _we_ did...was readily available for Alice's viewing pleasure.

"You're blushing," Edward stated, not even turning to look at me.

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**Chapter title and Lyrics by Alice in Chains "All Secrets Known". Please leave me a review. I'm very self conscious about this chapter, and I'd like to know you all don't hate me for making you wait so long. Next chapter - first kiss...and from what I hear, you'll need a cold shower afterward ;-)**


	12. Chapter 12 The Only Reason

**Hello Lovelies. Happy Belated Thanksgiving to you all. Hope you all had a wonderful day! And we've made it...the first kiss between our beloved Edward and Bella. Much thanks and love to ecandme for her help, as well as a very special thanks to my two amazing best friends Michelle and Amanda for their support. I would be lost without you. When I feel like giving up, it is you who see me through. MWAH.**

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_You're the only reason that the world is turning 'round  
And you're the only reason that the sun keeps shining down  
And you're the only reason I might never wanna die  
And you're the only reason that you're keeping me alive_

Growing up in Phoenix, I was continuously surrounded by nothing but dry, barren desert, scorching sun, brittle earth and very little in the way of plant life. It rarely occurred to me that there was so much beauty to be found within lush, dense forests and cloudy, dark skies. Yet as I flew through the trees on Edward's back, I realized that a piece of me had always longed for this kind of beauty. I remember in the ninth grade, our science class made the two hour trip from Phoenix to the Tucson Botanical Gardens. I had been amazed and awed that something that alive and beautiful could have existed in such a harsh climate. Yet those trees and flowers had nothing on the scenery whirling past me.

I brought my lips centimeters from Edwards ear. "Can you run a bit slower? It's beautiful out here," I whispered.

"Would you like to walk?" he answered. I bit my lip and nodded. Edward slowed to a stop and helped me off his back. I stood next to him and looked around, inhaling deeply the rich, damp smell of the forest. Edward slipped his hand into mine and we continued together as I marveled at the sights and sounds around us.

After a while we broke free of the forest. A small clearing stretched out in front of us, dotted sporadically with tall, thick Oaks and a multitude of wildflowers, splashed across the open space like strokes from an artist's brush. My breath caught as I slipped my hand from Edward's and walked further into the meadow, admiring the long wisps of grass that swayed in the gentle breeze; each one seemingly dancing it's part in Nature's ballet. A light fog blanketed the area, giving everything a hazy, surreal feeling.

It was the single most beautiful sight I had seen in my eighteen years on this earth... until I turned around.

Yet again I was rendered speechless as Edward stood in a sliver of sun that had pierced its way through the dense canopy of trees. The small patch of light blanketed him, casting an illuminating gold halo around his body that shimmered and pulsed with each sway of the branches above.

I had no words. I had no thoughts. The only reaction my body could manage at the breathtaking sight before me was to gasp…loudly.

Edward turned his head, embarrassed, and took a step forward, cloaking himself in the shadows, the halo disappearing with the sun.

My mind still could not manage a full sentence, so instead I closed the distance between us and gently grabbed his arm. I held it, and though I knew I could not stop him if he tried, I was relieved when he didn't pull away.

"May I?" I asked, finally finding my voice and looking up at him, pulling his arm towards the small patch of light. He nodded, his head still downcast. As his arm entered into the sliver of light, I was unprepared for the beauty of it. If I thought the sight from far away was breathtaking, it was nothing compared to an up close examination.

The sun danced and twisted off his skin, shooting out beams of gold and white light in every direction. I looked around, marveling at how it casted its beauty on every surface it touched, the rocks, the trees, the grass, like a diamond placed directly in the sun.

I lightly traced my fingers over his flesh, smiling at how the light diffracted and shot off in another direction.

"It's…beautiful, you're beautiful," I whispered, raising my eyes to meet his. He smiled shyly and held my gaze for a moment. Slowly, his head bent towards me, his eyes focused on my lips. A fraction of a second before his luscious lips made my contact with mine, I ducked my head and pulled away.

"Bella?" Edward asked, his tone a mixture of surprise and confusion.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said. I wanted him to kiss me, I did. But there was a single burning question I needed answered before I allowed that exchange to happen. "I need you to answer a question first."

"Anything, Bella. I'll answer anything you want," he said, grabbing both my hands and holding them gently in his. I looked up into his blazing gold eyes and took a deep breath to calm my nerves.

"I need to know why, despite what you said in the woods earlier about needing to be around me, you ignored me for all these weeks.

He looked surprised by my question and was quiet for a few moments. Finally he sighed. "I have walked this earth for a very long time -"

"How long?" I asked, interrupting him.

He laughed as he shook his head. "Always asking questions. Doesn't your brain ever stop?"

"Nope."

"109 years," he answered, the corner of his mouth twisting up in a small smile. I whistled and motioned for him to continue. "So, as you can imagine, there isn't much that I haven't experienced. Not to mention I have lived among millions of humans in that time. So imagine what it must have been like for me that morning in the parking lot. I know you felt it too; I could see it in you. I show up for another day, another high school, and out of nowhere there's you…and all these new and intense emotions are swirling and twisting and pulling. Only I have absolutely no idea what's happening.

"Add into that your silent mind, and the panicking thoughts of my family about your lack of scent, and I instantly went on the defensive. _Protect my family_…that had been my only reason for existing…or so I thought. And then when you were seated by me in Biology and I saw how beautiful you were and I actually was able to catch your scent, I realized then that you were not a threat to my family, but you _were_ a threat to me. I was instantly taken with you.

"But...you are human, I am not. I convinced myself that it would be impossible for us to be anything, and it infuriated me. I just knew that eventually I would have done something that gave me away. You're combination of beauty, brains, and wit would have undone me. I'd never met anyone like you... and I didn't know how to react. So I did the only thing that made sense at the time…I pushed you away."

"So what made you change your mind?"

"Alice," he answered, laughing softly.

"Alice?"

His face softened as he brought my hand to his mouth and gently brushed his lips across my knuckles. "She helped me realize what I really knew all along; that I was in love with you, Isabella Swan. Utterly, and irrevocably in love with you."

"You…what?" I stuttered, trying to catch the breath that was quickly escaping me.

"Bella, I don't know if you could ever love a monster like me," he continued, "but I do know that I will love you until the day I cease to walk this earth. Vampires rarely change. But when they do, they change for life. You have changed me…"

Edward moved closer, placing his hands on either side of my face. "I love you, Bella. Forever."

I felt a small bubble of panic rise in my chest as Edwards words echoed through my mind. I forced the feeling down and closed my eyes, inhaling a shaky breath as I focused on the sensations that coursed through my body from his touch instead. He leaned in and gently grazed his lips against the shell of my ear.

"Hold still. I want to do something," he whispered. I watched as he leaned in close to me, his head tilting to the side, and his eyes fixed on my lips. I felt my heart pick up speed and skip a beat or two. A lazy grin spread across Edwards face as he laughed softly.

"Just try and relax, Bella," he instructed.

"Easy for you to say," I mumbled.

His eyes never left my mouth as he continued his agonizingly slow descent. I felt time stand still as I waited for his lips to meet mine. After what seemed an eternity they finally did. As his cold, hard lips met my warm, soft ones, a spark of fire ignited somewhere deep inside of me, sending a welcome heat racing through my body.

Our lips moved slowly, unsure, yet in perfect harmony. I felt my desire and my hormones winning out over my logic and self control. I began moving my lips faster, begging to taste more of him. He growled in response, moving one hand from my cheek and placing it on the small of my back, pulling me tightly against him. I could feel his erection, hard against my inner thigh. A soft whimper escaped my lips as they pressed harder against his. I reached up and wrapped both arms around his neck, tangling my hands in his hair.

My lips parted as his tongue traced their soft curves, giving him permission to deepen the kiss. He greedily accepted, our tongues dancing, yet neither one of us fighting for dominance. It was as if we were in perfect unison, one surrendering to the other and vice versa.

My body hummed and tingled with uncontrollable desire. Edward seemed able to elicit the most complex and raw emotions from within me. The meadow spun around us, colors and shapes contorting and shifting until they were no longer recognizable. I didn't care if the world was collapsing in on itself; I never wanted this to end.

As I wrapped my fingers tighter into his hair, I tilted my head back slightly, allowing him access to my neck. He began licking and kissing along my neck and across my collarbone. His tongue darted out and gently licked the hollow of my throat causing another soft moan to escape from me.

"Bella…," he whispered, his lips still pressed against my throat.

"Yes?" I managed to answer, my breath escaping is short, rapid bursts.

"We…we have to stop." He placed one last kiss and pulled away. He stood up straight and placed his hands on my hips.

"Holy fuck," I sighed, looking up into his black, lust filled eyes. His erection was still prominent against my leg and I took a step back to allow some distance to compose myself.

"Yeah…" he agreed, taking a deep unnecessary breath. I sighed in relief, thankful Edward had been in control enough to stop, cause Lord knows I wasn't. Had he not pulled away, I would have went for broke…ripping my clothes off right where I stood and tapping into my inner exhibitionist.

Edward looked down at me and began to laugh as he grabbed my hand and motioned for me to follow him towards the middle of the meadow. The charged atmosphere seemed to calm as we laughed and walked hand in hand through the grass. When we reached the center, Edward sat, pulling me gently down beside him. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him.

"I meant what I said, Bella. I love you," he whispered into my hair.

"Mmm Hmm," I hummed in response, focusing intently on blade of grass I was twisting around my finger.

Edward placed two fingers under my chin and lifted my eyes to meet his. "Mmm. Hmm?" he questioned, his eyes dancing with amusement.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I don't know what you want me to say. I'm so confused," I answered, focusing my eyes over his shoulder to the trees behind him.

"Confused how? I can't read your mind, Bella…you have to tell me," he answered, gently turning my face so I was looking back into his eyes.

"I don't want to," I answered stubbornly.

"Bella…" Edward said, laughing at my toddler like response.

"Fine. Well the most obvious reason I'm confused is because I'm not even sure what _this…_" I waved my hand between us, "…is, or what _we _are. I mean…are we friends? Are we dating? Will we eventually be lovers? Can we even _be _lovers?" I sighed as I looked back down at the strand of grass wrapped around my finger. "And the other reason is that I've only ever said those words to two people, Edward; My mom and Charlie. I have never said them to anyone else. I'm not even sure how love feels. This all happened so quickly, I'm hesitant to say it's love…for either of us."

"Bella…no one is forcing you to say anything. But please, don't question my love for you. I told you earlier…once a vampire changes, it's for good. Loving you has changed me. That change, my love for you, it's a constant; never changing, never wavering. Nothing will ever break that bond, _nothing._ You take as much time as you need to work through your feelings, and decide for yourself what it is you're feeling. I will never force your hand, Bella." Edward reached out and stroked my cheek. I felt tears sting my eyes and I quickly pushed them back. Now was not the time or the place for sappy, weak Bella to make an appearance.

"As for your _obvious _concern," he continued, "This can be whatever you need it be, whatever you need _me_ to be. It would be my honor to be your friend, your boyfriend, your lover, or all three. Just tell me, Bella. Tell me what you want, what you _need._"

I closed my eyes, willing my tears back into submission. I was strong dammit, I was a fighter! I loved Edward, I knew I did. I just couldn't admit it out loud yet. It was too soon. It would make me vulnerable, it would make my heart vulnerable; easy to shatter. I was against vulnerability at all costs.

"I need a moment," I said as I stood up and walked to the edge of the tree-line. I spared a glance behind me, relieved to find that Edward had not followed me. _He's allowing me thinking space, he's not running after me, pleading his case like every other fucking guy. _I felt a small chunk of the ice covering my heart crack and melt away.

Turning back towards the forest, I leaned one hand against the trunk of a tree and closed my eyes. Could I do it? Could I let him in? Could I run the risk that he would grab hold of my heart and shatter it like it was made of nothing more than glass?

The answer surprised me. Not only _could _I do it, but I actually _wanted _to do it. It had never been a question at all…I was just denying myself the answer. I _wanted_ to let him in. I _wanted_ to trust him to hold my fractured, ice covered heart. I loved him, irrevocably and unconditionally loved him…I just couldn't get the words past my throat yet.

A smile tugged at my lips and I turned back towards my salivation, the man who had changed me as well, and opened my eyes. He sat in the same spot, leaning back on his elbows with his eyes closed, as streams of sunlight poured down on him, emphasizing the fact that Edward really was an angel; My angel.

I walked slowly and quietly back towards him, drinking in the sight of him bathed in his gold halo. He kept his eyes closed, but smiled as I stopped a few feet away from him. _I guess there's no sneaking up on this one, _I thought.

He opened his eyes and turned his face towards me. I sat down and scooted myself closer to him and looked him directly in the eyes.

"I can't say it yet, Edward, I just can't." I held a finger up as he tried to interrupt me. "That doesn't mean I don't feel it, or that I don't recognize what it is. I'm broken, Edward. Damaged goods…an ice queen, or so I've been told. I'm that way for a reason. It means that I can't get hurt, I don't _allow _people to hurt me. Do you understand?"

Edward nodded but kept silent, allowing me to finish my little monologue.

"The thing is…I'm willing to make an exception here. Actually it's more than willing…I don't have a choice. You've changed me as well. I know the answers, Edward. I've known them for awhile. I just didn't allow myself to admit them. So…with that said, you have my heart, Edward. It is in your possession. What you do with it is up to you. I have no control over that. I can only hope that the trust I'm putting in you means something to you…that you take it as seriously as I do."

I took a deep breath, wiping away a stray tear that had refused to be caged. "If I'm going to take a chance on anyone, it's you. I choose you. Friend, boyfriend, lover…all three. I choose you, Edward."

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**Chapter Title and Lyrics by Puddle of Mud. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts about Bella and Edwards first kiss, or about anything really.**


	13. Chapter 13  A Stroke of Luck

**And we meet again. I know it's been like...well forever really since I updated, but as much as I hate to admit it, RL kinda stepped in and left no room for anything else. But as RL has been a bitch this time around, I desperately need to escape it and so here we are...Chapter 13. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it. **

**I am dedicating this chapter to my life saving ninja (no really...she saved my life last week), Michelle. I lover you!**

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_Hanging by threads of palest silver  
I could have stayed that way forever  
Bad blood and ghosts wrapped tight around me  
Nothing could ever seem to touch me_

_I lose what I love most  
Did you know I was lost until you found me?_

_A stroke of luck or a gift from God?  
The hand of fate or devil's claws?  
From below or saints above?  
You came to me_

"What's your favorite color?" Edward asked. I lifted my head upwards to look at him. We had been playing this game for a few hours now, and at some point during the afternoon I had found myself perched between Edward's legs, my back resting against his chest.

"Uhh…Red. You?" I asked. Edward smiled as he looked down at me.

"Brown," he answered.

"Brown? Ugh, why brown? What a horrid favorite color choice, Edward," I said, scrunching up my nose in distaste.

"Well I happen to disagree. Brown is a wonderful color. It's rich, it's earthy, is complex, and it's the color of your eyes…so yes, brown is definitely my favorite color."

"Suck up," I muttered, causing Edward to laugh. The sound vibrated through his chest and I smiled, reveling in the fact that I was close enough to him to be able to feel it.

"Favorite smell?" he asked.

"You…definitely you," I answered, snuggling deeper into his chest.

"Now who's the suck up?" he said.

We continued on for awhile more, content to just be together and learn about each other. Eventually the sun melted behind the tree-line, painting the sky in reds, oranges and purples.

"I can't believe I haven't seen a sunset here before now. It's so different from Arizona." I sat up, wrapping my arms around my legs and lifting my face to the sky. "Every night I would make a cup of coffee and sit out on the deck…sometimes by myself, sometimes with my mom. Some days we would talk, and some days we just sat in silence. Either way, I never missed a sunset. At least, I didn't until she died. After that…I…I just couldn't bring myself to sit out there."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. And the police…they had _no _leads?" Edward asked, rubbing his hands up and down my arms.

"No. They…wait. How did you…I never told you about my mother…" I quickly shifted around to look at him. There were only two people who knew what happened…knew the _full_ story. "Alice…" I whispered. Edward looked down, embarrassment clear on his face.

"She tried to hide it, Bella. But you can only keep your thoughts hidden for so long…and my gift isn't something that I can just turn on and off. She really did try…" he answered. I nodded and turned back around. I couldn't image having someone else privy to my private thoughts, or being the one who had to hear them. I could only assume how invasive that must feel…to both parties.

"We should head back. It's getting dark and as you know…the woods can be a very dangerous place at night," Edward suggested, standing up and reaching his hand down for mine.

I reached out and placed my hand in his, pulling myself up. "For some reason…I'm not all that concerned about it," I answered, winking and pulling his towards the edge of the forest.

As we entered into the dense forest, Edward spun me around and instantly I was perched securely against his back as he took off running towards the house.

"Did you two have fun?" Alice asked as we entered the living room. Her eyes traveled down to our joined hands and a soft smile graced her face.

Her question threw me for a moment. _Why is she asking? Wasn't she watching? _Then the answer hit me. Alice couldn't see me in her visions. My earlier fears about everything Edward and I doing being broadcast across her psychic channel were pointless. _God. It must be so hard for her not to see…_

"Yes, Alice, we did. Thank you for asking." I smiled softly at her.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Love?"

"Where's Rosalie?" I asked, placing my free hand on his upper arm. If I was going to do what I had been thinking about doing, the time was now.

"Rosalie? Why?" he questioned.

"Please…"

He hesitated a moment before he answered. "She's in the garage, Love."

"Thank you. I'll be right back," I said, slipping my hand from his. Edward leaned down and placed a small kiss on my forehead. I noticed Alice watching the exchange and I gave her a small smile before I turned and headed through the kitchen to the garage.

I stopped at the door that led into the garage and took a deep breath. Slowly twisting the knob, I opened the door and stepped in. The garage was much bigger than I had expected it to be, though I wasn't really surprised. Everything about the Cullen home was larger than expected.

The entire back wall was filled with workbenches, cabinets and toolboxes of varying shapes and sizes. Opposite that wall were double sized bay doors leading out to the driveway. All of the Cullen's cars sat perfectly parked in formation, like soldiers ready for the march. Carlisle's Mercedes was closest to me, followed by Edward's Volvo. An obnoxiously bright yellow Porsche was parked next to the Volvo and somehow I was sure that belonged to Alice. Rosalie's Candy Apple red BMW sat towards the end of the garage, dwarfed in size by a massive sized Jeep. I smirked, knowing that based on size it could only belong to an equally massive sized Cullen; Emmett.

I walked slowly and purposefully towards the end of the garage. I assumed Rose had to be working on either her or Emmett's car. I used the few seconds it took to reach her to gather my thoughts, and my courage.

A jean clad pair of long, thin legs peeked out from underneath the chassis of the Beamer. I watched in awe as Rose fluidly moved underneath the car, the sound of tools clinking and echoing around the garage.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that two more vehicles were hidden behind Emmett's Jeep, both covered with a black cloth cover. One was significantly smaller than the other and I knew instantly it was a motorcycle, though I could not determine who that would belong to as none of the Cullens had ever mentioned owning a bike.

Though the other vehicle was covered as well, I could make out sleek lines and the fact that it sat low to the ground. It had to be some type of sports car and my fingers twitched, itching to peek under the cover. Before I could do so though, a cold, hard voice rang out across the garage.

"Well? What do you want?" Rosalie asked, gently rolling the creeper she was laying on out from under the car. She stood up and wiped her hands on her jeans, looking at me expectantly.

"What are those?" I asked, tilting my head in the direction of the covered vehicles. She looked at me a moment before she sighed.

"The one is Edward's Aston Martin. The other is Jasper's Hayabusa," she answered. "I'm pretty sure you didn't come out here just to chit chat, Bella, so I'll ask again…what do you want?"

I sighed and closed my eyes, desperately wishing I had thought through a little more exactly what it was I had wanted to say. I decided to just be honest and hope for the best. I opened my eyes and inhaled deeply. _Here goes nothing, Swan._

"Listen…Rosalie, I um, I wanted to thank you…for what you did for me. I'm sure you felt somewhat obligated to do so, but nevertheless I cannot tell you how grateful I am that you were there," I said sincerely. Rosalie appraised me for a moment; her eyes traveling down my body and back up to meet my eyes.

"Well for the record, I didn't do it for you. I could care less what happens to you, but had I let you die the family and I would have been subjected to Edward's incessant moping and brooding and I really couldn't stand to live with that again. Not to mention that we would be forced to move again, and I'm not ready to pack it up _just_ yet," she answered, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly.

I had expected her to be cold. I had expected her to brush off my thanks and respond with some backhanded insult. But I had not expected her words to sting as badly as they did. I was well aware that Rosalie wasn't my biggest fan, but to hear just how little my life meant to her hurt. I bit the inside of my lip, hoping that the hurt wasn't evident on my face.

"Well whatever the reason, Rosalie, thank you," I answered tightly. I spun on my heel and made my way back towards the door leading to the house.

"Bella…" Rosalie called, just as my fingers wrapped around the knob. I shifted my body slightly and looked at her from over my shoulder. "You're welcome," she finished, her tone slightly softer than it had been previously.

I gave her a quick nod and opened the door, stepping into the kitchen. As soon as I had pulled the door shut behind me, I leaned my back against it and sighed. Pushing off the door I made my way back into the living room. Alice and Jasper were cuddled in the corner of one of the couches and Edward sat tucked into the corner of the other, running his hand through his hair repeatedly. I walked around the back of the couch and settled myself into the cushion beside him.

"How did it go?" he asked, looking down at me. His eyes were soft and filled with worry. I looked over at Alice and Jasper who both wore matching sympathetic smiles. It was obvious all of them had heard the conversation between Rose and me.

"Just peachy," I answered sarcastically.

"I'm sorry, Love," Edward said, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I tucked my feet up under me and leaned further into his chest.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that I thanked her and now we can move on." I looked up at Edward and smiled.

"Just give it time, Bells," Jasper said.

Edward and I walked hand and hand up the stairs to the bedroom I was staying in. The moon was full and bright and lit the room on its own. We had spent the remainder of the evening playing Twister, which I now knew was a _terrible _idea when played with a family of vampires. I had been hesitant when Alice had suggested it, given my inability to stay upright on two feet, let alone bent in awkward positions, but yet again my resolve broke when up against Alice's pleading. Surprisingly I had held my own, but was still no match for the unnatural agility and balance of the rest of them.

I walked across the room to my bag and pulled out a pair of short, a tank top and my overnight bag.

"I'm going to take a quick shower and get ready for bed. Will you still be here when I get out?" I asked Edward, clutching my clothes tightly to my chest.

"Do you want me to still be here?" he asked, his mouth twisting into a crooked grin. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him bathed in the moonlight, his eyes dancing. "I'll take that as a yes…"

"Oh shut the hell up," I answered, laughing. "I swear you do that shit on purpose…just to see my reaction." Edward laughed and shrugged.

I turned and entered into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. As I placed my clothes and my bag on the counter, I caught site of my reflection in the mirror. Staring back at me was the same girl; the same chestnut hair, dark eyes and pale skin. Except…she looked happier somehow. The sadness and anger that had once marred my features was softer, less visible. It was still there, permanently etched in my eyes, but just less intense.

Being with Cullens, being with Edward, it had already changed me. Even in such a short time. I could only hope that over time the pain and anger would fade entirely.

When I exited the bathroom a half hour later, Edward was perched on the bed reading. He closed the book softly as I stepped into the room.

"Feel better?" he asked.

"Mmm. Much. What are you reading?"

"Oh…um…it's called 'The Social Contract'," he answered, placing the book on the nightstand.

"Ahh…nothing puts you to sleep better than Rousseau." I walked around the foot of the bed and lay down in the empty spot next to him. "Too bad you don't need to sleep though," I added, nudging his shoulder with mine.

He looked over at me incredulously, his mouth opening and closing as if trying to form a sentence.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Just…you…I can't believe…," he stuttered.

"Just spit it out, Cullen. Some of us here aren't mind readers you know," I answered, laughing at the bewildered expression on his face.

"I just… I wouldn't have thought that you would know…or have read Rousseau," he answered, cocking his head to the side as he looked at me.

"Ah, well…I took a Philosophy course at the local college in Phoenix for summer credit," I explained. "You know…it's an interesting read for someone like you," I added, reaching over him to grab the book off the stand. As I did, my chest gently grazed against his and I felt that electric spark flare up. My eyes caught his dark, lustful ones, letting me know he felt it too. I grabbed the book quickly and ungracefully threw myself back onto my side of the bed.

"Someone like me?" Edward asked, breaking the awkward tension.

"Yeah..," I started, flipping quickly through the book until I found the chapter I was looking for. "Someone who believes that he is a soulless, vile monster. Someone who has trouble accepting himself for who he is…as nature made him. Someone who feels he lacks morality simply because of his basic, natural instinct."

"Bella…," he began, but I cut him off, placing my finger over his lips. I quickly looked down at the page and began to read the passage I had been searching for.

"The passage from the state of nature to the civil state produces a very remarkable change in man, by substituting justice for instinct in his conduct, and giving his actions the morality they had formerly lacked. Then only, when the voice of duty takes the place of physical impulses and right of appetite, does man, who so far had considered only himself, find that he is forced to act on different principles, and to consult his reason before listening to his inclinations.

"Although, in this state, he deprives himself of some advantages which he got from nature, he gains in return others so great, his faculties are so stimulated and developed, his ideas so extended, his feelings so ennobled, and his whole soul so uplifted, that, did not the abuses of this new condition often degrade him below that which he left, he would be bound to bless continually the happy moment which took him from it forever, and, instead of a stupid and unimaginative animal, made him an intelligent being and a man."

I closed the book and gently removed my finger from his lips. "So see, Edward. Instead of looking at yourself as a morally corrupt animal, you should see yourself how I see you…a beautiful, compassionate man," I whispered, my gaze locked with his sad, tortured one.

"Except that Rousseau's ideas and philosophies are subjective, Bella. I doubt he took into consideration the nature of vampires when he wrote that," he argued.

I sighed. "Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. But the underlying point is something you'd be wise to consider, Edward. The self-hatred and torture you inflict upon yourself only serves one purpose…it makes for a very long, very unhappy existence. At least be open to the idea…" I laid the book on the nightstand and leaned back into the pillow.

Silence overwhelmed the room for a few minutes before Edward's soft, sweet voice broke through. "Who knew you could be so smart," he joked, nudging my shoulder the way I had his earlier.

"I have my moments," I answered, smiling as my fingers found their way to clasp my cross. Suddenly a thought hit me and I sat up straight, turning on the light perched on the nightstand. I flipped the cross over and studied the pattern etched in the back, holding it under the lamp and turning it in different directions, trying to see what they saw. Nothing stood out. Nothing there except random etched lines, crisscrossing in insignificant patterns.

"What's the matter?" Edward questioned, his face leaning over my shoulder.

"Earlier…you and Carlisle saw something on my cross. What was it?" I asked, turning my head so I could look at him.

He leaned back into the bed and after a few moment of silence finally asked, "The design for your ankh tattoo…where did you find it? It's not the standard design that most people ink into their flesh. The lines are too complex, the design too intricate."

I stared at him for a moment, confused by his line of questioning. What did my tattoo have to do with my necklace? Finally I decided that the only way to follow his thought process was to answer his question.

"This may sound strange, or maybe not considering I'm sitting here with a mind reading vampire, but….I saw it in a dream. In the dream, it was a tattoo I had on my wrist. So when I woke up the next morning, I sat down to draw it. Which is also strange considering I'm a terrible artist, but when I was done…it was perfect. It looked exactly like it had in my dream. I just knew that I had to get it inked, so I went out that same day and had it done. But…I don't understand what this has to do with my necklace."

"Because, Bella…that ankh? The one you dreamt of, the one you drew…it's exactly identical to the one etched into the back of your cross…"

* * *

**Chapter title and lyrics courtesy of Garbage (oh yeah...I went old school on this one!)**


	14. Chapter 14  The Way I Feel

**And this is what we refer to as "a guilt post" - two in one week. Just my way of saying "Sorry I kept you hanging for 3 months..."**

**

* * *

**_Lately I've been wandering  
Off the narrow path  
You've given me so many things that I've never had  
All in all I know it's you that always pulls me through  
If you reach deep inside you'll see my heart is true_

"I'm sorry…what?" A million emotions coursed through me; fear, confusion, uncertainty, disbelief. I pulled the cross under the lamp and inspected it again. "Edward…I don't see _anything,_" I said, panic clear in my voice.

"You won't be able to, Bella. It's not visible to the human eye. Which is why it's very disconcerting that you would dream of a design, hidden in a cross you never take off. Where did you get it, anyway?" he asked, pulling me from my panicked inspection and tucking me into his side.

I chewed my lip nervously as I thought about the implications of what he was suggesting. How could I have dreamt of a design I had never seen? Of a design invisibly engraved in my mother's necklace? I wasn't psychic. I had never dreamt of things before. I would have remembered. Because I definitely remembered the panicked trance I had been in while drawing the design the morning after the dream; the need to get it out of my head consuming me and allowing my incapable hands to draw a design so complex, so detailed, that even the tattoo artist had been impressed.

He had asked if he could purchase it, along with any other art I had drawn. I had laughed and told him that this was the only thing I had ever drawn and that it was not for sale.

"Bella?" Edward called, pulling me back to the present.

"What?" I answered, looking at him confused.

"The necklace? Where did you get it?"

"Oh," I wrapped my fingers once again around the Victorian cross. "It was a gift from my mother, passed down for generations," I answered.

"And that's why you never take it off? It reminds you of her?" he asked, obviously looking for a more detailed explanation.

"Well…yes and no. I mean, yes, it does remind me of her, and so it's part of the reason I keep it on. But also…she made me promise her that I would never, under any circumstance, remove it."

I rested my head against the headboard and looked up at the dimly lit ceiling. "She gave it to me on my sixteenth birthday on the condition that I wear it at all times, claiming it would 'protect me'. Protect me from what I have no idea, but she was adamant; more so than I had ever seen her before. She claimed that no one would be able to find me…." I trailed off, sighing.

"Who would be looking for you, Bella?"

I turned my head to look at Edward just in time to see a flickering of emotion cross his angelic face, though it was quickly replaced with his usual calm, preventing me from being able to decipher what it was.

"I honestly have no idea. But either way, it freaked me out enough that I just…never take it off. Well, almost never. There was a time or two when I did take it off. But as ridiculous as it sounds, I felt so…exposed without it."

"She never gave you any other explanation?" he asked.

"No," I answered, shaking my head. "We never spoke about it again. I tried…but, she would just brush me off…telling me to just trust her. And I did trust her, so eventually I stopped questioning it."

Edward nodded but said nothing. The silence stretched on between us for a few minutes before I gently leaned over and kissed his cheek, tucking the necklace underneath my tank top.

"I'm tired, Edward," I said.

"Go to sleep, Love. We can discuss it with Carlisle in the morning," he whispered, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"Why would I discuss it with Carlisle?" I asked.

Edward sighed and leaned back into the headboard. "Because…he's been around a lot longer than most of us, and because your necklace seemed very familiar to him. In fact, he's been in his study all night trying to find more information on it."

"How much longer?" I asked as I rolled onto my side.

Edward chuckled as he tucked the blankets around my shoulders, creating a barrier between my flesh and his. "Shhh…we'll discuss it in the morning. For now you just sleep, ok?"

"Ok," I managed to answer, just before the blackness of unconsciousness swallowed me.

"Edward!" I screamed as I shot up straight in bed, fear and panic coursing through my body. I whipped my head frantically back and forth, looking for him.

"I'm right here. Shhh…I'm right here," Edward answered, his face appearing instantly in my line of sight. I jumped to my knees and threw my arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder.

"Shhh, baby, it's ok…I'm right here. It was just a bad dream." His hands stroked my hair reassuringly. Suddenly my tears began to dry up and the overwhelming fear and panic were replaced with calm.

"Thanks, Jazz," I whispered, my face still buried in Edward's shoulder.

"Anytime, Bells," he whispered back from the direction of the doorway.

After a few moments I was composed enough to disentangle myself from Edward. I leaned back against the headboard, tucking my knees up under my chin and wrapping my arms around my legs. My gaze bounced around the room, finally focusing out the window and into the forest.

"Do you want to talk about?" he asked softly.

"I can't," I answered, still avoiding looking at him.

"Bella…" He moved so that he was directly in my line of sight. "There's no reason to be embarrassed. You can talk to me, you know."

"No, really…I can't. It's not that I'm embarrassed, Edward. It's that I don't remember. I have no idea what happened. I just remember waking up, completely overwhelmed with fear, and the only thing I could do was call your name," I answered softly, closing my eyes and desperately sifting through the fog in my brain, trying to find any fragments from my dream.

"Ok. Do you think you can go back to sleep? It's still really early," he said, rubbing his hand up and down my back. I lifted my head to look at the clock on the night stand. 5:26 am. I shook my head and placed my cheek back on my knees.

"Ok. I'll go make you some coffee while you get dressed. Come down whenever you're ready, ok?" He pressed his lips to my forehead and instantly was gone. I sat in the dark room for what felt like hours before I finally stood up and stretched. I looked once again at the clock, surprised to find only a half hour had passed. It was still at least an hour until sunrise, so I flipped the switch on the wall, illuminating the room in a soft glow from the overhead light.

I grabbed a pair of faded, ripped jeans, a deep red, long sleeved shirt and walked into the bathroom. After splashing some cold water on my face, I felt marginally better. I quickly brushed my teeth, pulled my hair into a low, messy bun and changed. I applied some mascara and lip gloss and grabbed my Uggs on my way out of the room. _I need air. I need air, _I thought repeatedly as I padded as silently as I could down the stairs, which was pointless in a household of super hearing vampires. As soon as my foot hit the landing, Esme was before me, looking concerned and sympathetic.

"Are you alright, Bella?" she asked, her eyes searching mine.

"I'm fine, Esme. Really," I answered softly, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot.

"Ok. Well, if you need anything…," she offered, noticing my discomfort.

"Really, I'm ok. Just a nightmare. Not the first, not the last. But…I'll let you know, promise." I smiled sincerely at her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, careful not to slam the boots I held in my hand into her back. _Not that it would hurt her…, _I thought somewhat bitterly. _God, if I'm mentally attacking Esme then I really need some air._

I quickly let go and brushed past her, desperate for coffee and air. As promised, a full pot of my liquid addiction stood brewed and ready. I grabbed the mug nearest the coffee pot and poured it sloppily, spilling it down the sides of the cup. I added the cream and sugar and took a long, greedy pull as I awkwardly pulled on my boots with my free hand. I bolted across the room towards the door, letting it slam behind me as I exited onto the deck.

The cold morning air bit at my skin as I lowered myself into the large, wicker chair. I curled my legs underneath me and leaned my head back, closing my eyes and breathing in the chill, damp air.

"You're worrying me, Bella," a voice whispered. My eyes flew open as my head whipped to my right. In the chair next to me sat Edward. His eyes were closed and his face was tilted towards the sky, mimicking my previous position.

"Fuck, Edward. Can't you at least _try _to make some noise?" I asked, my tone more harsh than I had intended. He slowly opened his eyes and turned to look at me. I held his gaze for a moment before facing forward, staring off into the dark forest and sipping my coffee.

The silence stretched on for what seemed like eternity. If it hadn't been for the constant pulse of electricity coursing up and down my body, I would have thought he left. Finally I sighed and leaned my head back against the chair. "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just…I just hate not knowing, you know? About the Nomad, about the necklace, my dream. It makes me anxious, makes me feel…I don't know, vulnerable?"

"We'll figure it out, Bella. Together. I promise," he answered, slipping his hand in mine. We sat in silence, holding hands until the sun had long past risen.

Turning my face towards his, I looked directly into his eyes. "I know," I whispered.

It was early afternoon when Carlisle appeared in the living room, a stack of books cradled under his arm. Alice, Rose, and I were seated around the coffee table as they tried to explain to me the dos and don'ts of this seasons fashion trends. Edward sat behind me, reading, while Jasper and Emmett were involved in a rematch of their game from Friday night.

"Are you sure?" I heard Edward ask from behind me. I looked up to see Carlisle nod.

"Sure about what?" I asked, closing the magazine in front of me and pulling myself up onto the couch beside Edward.

"Your necklace, Love," Edward answered, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me in closer to him.

"What about it?" I asked, turning towards Carlisle. He sat down in the arm chair across the room, placing the books on his lap.

"Well, something about your necklace seemed familiar to me, but I couldn't place it. Which is rare for our kind, seeing as our minds have perfect recall. But I simply couldn't remember having seen it before. And there's a reason for that. There are no photos of it, just a various descriptions based on rumored sightings," Carlisle explained.

Out of habit I curled my fingers around the cross and waited patiently for him to continue.

"I've gone through numerous texts, and like I said, the descriptions vary, but are still very similar. I believe the cross you wear, the one your mother gave to you, is called _Lo scudo appeso_. It means 'the hanging shield' in Italian."

I looked to Edward, but his face was turned away, his brow furrowed in thought.

"The necklace is only rumored though, correct? I mean…there is no definitive proof that it exists?" Edward asked, focusing his attention back on Carlisle.

"Correct. No one has ever had possession of the necklace, so the existence of the necklace itself, as well as the power it holds, is only rumor," Carlisle answered.

"Wait…what power? I'm not following what you are saying, Carlisle," I said, clutching the cross tightly to my chest.

"What I'm saying is that I believe your necklace is the rumored one from the texts. It is said to grant the wearer invisibility, Bella," Carlisle explained.

"Well that's just stupid. I mean…You can all see me!" I huffed, throwing my hands into the air.

"Not invisibility as in we can't see you, Love. Invisibility as in we can't sense you…" Edward said.

And then instantly it clicked. The fact that the family couldn't smell my blood, couldn't track me, the surprise on the face of the Nomad.

"You don't really think…," I trailed off, my mind trying to wrap around the possibility.

"Well, I'd like to try an experiment, if you're willing," Carlisle said hesitantly.

"Oh you can't be fucking serious!" Edward shouted, jumping up from the couch.

"Edward," Esme chastised. I hadn't even noticed her enter the room. I stared at Edward, shocked at his outburst. Suddenly his was looking straight at Carlisle, his lips moving unnaturally fast, but no sound coming from them.

"I understand the concern, Edward. That's why it's only with Bella's consent. And we will send the rest of the family, minus myself, you, and Alice, away from the house," Carlisle said gently.

"Whoa. Hold up. What the hell was that?" I questioned Edward, rising from the couch and moving to stand directly in front of him.

"What was what, Bella?" he answered, running his hand through his hair.

"Your mouth…it was moving, ridiculously fast I might add, but no sound came out. What did you do?" I accused, placing my hands on my hips and glaring up at him.

"I was just expressing my concerns about Carlisle's ridiculous experiment," he answered, placing his hands on my shoulders. I took a step back, breaking contact.

"Why couldn't I hear you then?"

"Because, it's too low and too fast for human ears to detect," he said. At least he had the good sense to look at least somewhat ashamed.

"I won't play that game, Edward. I have every right to hear whatever it is you, or any member of this family has to say when it concerns me. I am an adult, Edward. Remember that." I hissed as turned to look at Carlisle, who was openly smiling. "Now, do you want to fill me in? If you want my consent, I need to know what I'm consenting to," I said to him.

"My suggestion is that you remove your necklace, just for a few seconds, to see if it is in fact shielding you," he explained.

"Why would the rest of the family have to leave?" I asked angrily. If I was going to consent to this, why should half the family be excluded?

"Because, Bella, we don't have nearly the same amount of control as Carlisle, Edward, or Alice," Jasper answered softly from his seat across the room. My anger deflated at his confession and this time not because of his influence. I could never willing put him, or any of them, in a position like that.

"I'm sorry, Jazz. I didn't realize…it didn't click. I would never want you or anyone else to be in agony because of me," I apologized, rubbing my hands down my face. _Christ, Swan, you need to control your temper…nothing like reminding them of their weaknesses…_

"Only for a few seconds, Carlisle. I don't feel comfortable with any longer," I finally agreed, walking towards the window and wrapping my arms around my chest. The fear and panic from this morning reappeared. Something about this scenario seemed eerily familiar and I had a feeling this would come back to bite me in the ass…eventually.

"They are far enough away, Carlisle. I can't hear their thoughts anymore," Edward said. He was seated next to me in Carlisle's study. Alice sat on the couch to my right, her eyes closed as she concentrated, while Carlisle stood in front of us, leaning casually against the front of his desk.

Carlisle turned to look at me. "You ready, Bella?"

I nodded hesitantly, my left hand gripping the cross.

"It will only be for a few seconds, I promise," Carlisle assured.

We had discussed the plan in detail. I was to remove the necklace from my neck and place it in Carlisle's hand. He would ready it to be placed back on and after a few seconds would slip it over my head. I had fought to keep hold of the necklace, but Carlisle worried that I might still be shielded. The only way to accurately determine if my necklace was the one from the texts was for me to relinquish possession of it. Plus…Carlisle could get the necklace back around my neck faster than my human hands could.

I readied my fingers around the chain, preparing to slip it over my head.

"On the count of three, Bella," Carlisle said, placing his hand palm up in order to receive the necklace. "One…Two…Three." I quickly slid the necklace from around my neck and placed in his hand.

All afternoon I had thought a lot about what I might say to Edward in this moment. If Carlisle was right, if this actually worked, then there was only one thing I desperately needed Edward to know. One thing that I needed to say, but couldn't. If Carlisle was wrong and this didn't work, then I would simply have to find another way…

_Edward? _I reached out and grabbed his hand. His head whipped towards my direction, his wide, surprised eyes meeting mine. Relief washed over me as I realized he could hear me. I could say what needed to be said, without having to actually speak the words.

_I love you, _I mentally whispered, just as Carlisle slipped the necklace back around my neck.

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**Chapter Title and lyrics courtesy of 12 Stones.**

**You readers are so quiet...  
**


	15. Chapter 15  I've Got You Under My Skin

So we meet again. Sorry for the delay, but RL hasn't been the kindest as of late. Where we last left off:

_Edward? _I reached out and grabbed his hand. His head whipped towards my direction, his wide, surprised eyes meeting mine. Relief washed over me as I realized he could hear me. I could say what needed to be said, without having to actually speak the words.

_I love you, _I mentally whispered, just as Carlisle slipped the necklace back around my neck.

* * *

_I´ve got you under my skin.  
I´ve got you deep in the heart of me.  
So deep in my heart that you´re really a part of me.  
I´ve got you under my skin._

I tried so not to give in. I said to myself:  
"This affair never will go so well."  
But why should I try to resist when, baby, I know more than well,  
I´ve got you under my skin.

Edward continued to stare at me, long after Carlisle had placed the necklace back securely around my neck. I was both relieved and terrified that Edward had indeed been able to hear my thoughts without the necklace. The implications of which swirled violently around my brain. I had hoped he would hear me, at least in the short term, but long term…I valued my privacy, the ability to escape into my thoughts and process and sort. Having Edward able to invade that privacy didn't sit well with me.

A small smile curved up the side of Edward's mouth and the sight of him so happy, so content, temporarily caused me to forget the value of privacy. Instead, I was overwhelmed with love at the thought that three simple words, though I was still unable to speak them aloud, could give him so much happiness.

Carlisle unnecessarily cleared his throat, commanding both mine and Edward's attention. Our eyes slowly slipped away from one another and refocused on the man in front of us.

"I take it you could hear her, Edward?" Carlisle asked, rounding his desk and lowering himself gracefully into the chair behind it.

"Yes, I did." He turned slowly to look back at me. "Bella…" he trailed off.

"Later," I answered, knowing full well what he was about to disclose. I may have temporarily forgotten my value on privacy earlier, but it came crashing back to me tenfold. There were too many ears, too many witnesses. He nodded slightly in understanding and turned once again to focus on Carlisle.

"It was faint, very faint, and at first I was sure I was imagining it. That her voice was just a byproduct of wishful thinking…but I didn't imagine it, did I?" he asked, turning to look at me. I shook my head, confirming it wasn't imagined. He smiled again, this time it consumed it whole face, like a small child whose parents had just told him he could have a puppy.

"But it wasn't as clear as usual?" Carlisle pressed.

"No, nowhere near the same intensity. Just a soft, fading whisper," Edward answered, squeezing my hand which was still clasped with his across our chairs.

"Hmmm," Carlisle responded, pursing his lips. He remained quiet for a few moments, which caused me to fidget uncomfortably in my chair, before he looked over my shoulder and spoke again. "Alice?"

"I saw her, sort of. She was blurry and the image was distorted, but it was still clearer than any vision I've had of her before. In the past, I could only see the outcomes of decisions she _made, _not herself directly. But this time I could see her in direct relation to the decision," Alice answered, looking at me and smiling nervously. I narrowed my eyes at her, wondering what would make her suddenly so nervous.

She understood my silent question and shook her head, letting me know that this wasn't the time or place. I accepted her answer, letting the issue drop, having given the exact same one to Edward a few moments earlier.

"So…while both your gifts work when the necklace is removed, the clarity is severely lacking?" Carlisle asked. Both Alice and Edward answered simultaneously with a "yes", causing Carlisle to once again purse his lips and go silent.

The silence stretched on for what seemed like an unbearable amount of time and I found myself fidgeting in my chair again. "So, what does it mean?" I finally asked, unable to endure the silence a second longer.

"I'm not sure, Bella. It's interesting to say the least, but as far as answers go…I don't have any. Not right now anyway," Carlisle answered, smiling softly at me.

I glanced at the clock on the bookcase behind him, noticing that it was nearing early evening. Charlie was most likely expecting me to be home soon, and I feared the state the kitchen might be in when I returned. It was nearly dinnertime and I was sure he had done nothing but order out all weekend.

"I should get going," I said softly, turning to look at Edward.

"I'll walk you out," Edward answered, rising from his chair and pulling me up towards him by our joined hand.

"Thank you for allowing me to spend the weekend, Carlisle. Please tell Esme thank you as well," I said, turning to him. He rose from his seat as well and nodded, opening his arms in invitation. I smiled as I let go of Edward's hand and walked behind the desk, wrapping my arms tightly around him and resting my cheek against his chest. He gently kissed the top of my head and pulled back to look me in the eyes.

"Our home is your home now, Bella. No matter what you will always be welcomed, and always be safe here. And furthermore, it is I who should be thanking you." I raised my eyebrow in question and in return he chuckled. "I haven't seen Edward this happy in, well, never actually. I have no doubts that you are good for him. My son has a tendency to brood and I am sure you will keep him in line," he explained.

I laughed as I released my hold on him and stepped back.

"Thank you, Carlisle," Edward replied sarcastically as he ran his hand through his hair, causing me to laugh even harder. I moved around the front of the desk and stopped in front of Alice, wrapping my arms around her tiny shoulders.

"I had fun this weekend, Al. Thank you," I whispered in her ear.

"Anytime, Bells," she answered, giving me a gentle squeeze and letting go.

"And do give that gorgeous boy toy of yours a hug for me also, will ya?" I said as I smiled and walked backwards towards Edward.

Alice's tinkling laughter filled the room as I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him out behind me.

As we reached the front door, Edward used our joined hands to spin me into his chest and pin me against the foyer wall, bringing both my hands above my head. His hard chest was flush with mine and his lips hovered inches away from my own. I waited impatiently for their descent, but before I was granted the satisfaction, Edward spoke. "Gorgeous boy toy, Bella?" he asked, his tone thick and raw. My eyes snapped from his lips to his eyes, detecting the hint of jealousy in his voice.

Stunned by this realization, I began to laugh. "Tsk, tsk, Edward. Green is _so _not a good color for you," I replied mockingly.

The laughter died in my throat as Edward ground his hips into my leg in response, bringing his lips to my ear. "Mine's the only toy you will be playing with, Miss Swan," he purred. My breathing hitched as his tongue gently traced the shell of my ear, sending shivers down my body at the suggestion. I felt the familiar coil of need tighten in my stomach, begging for release. I whimpered as my hips bucked in automatic response, desperately seeking the friction I so desired.

Edward's body pushed tighter against mine, preventing my hips from any more movement, while his lips moved their way down from my ear to the crook of my neck, placing soft, fluttering kisses along their path. As he worked his way across my collar bone towards the other side of my neck, he paused briefly and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. His eyes snapped open and met mine. Another involuntary shiver ran through me as I saw the raw lust reflected in his black eyes, his pupils having expanded to cover the entire iris. I felt his erection twitch against my thigh. I knew he could smell my arousal, and that fact only seemed to turn me on more.

"Edward…," I whispered.

"Bella…," he answered, his voice rough and ragged.

"Kiss me," I said, begging him with my eyes to comply. I needed him in that moment. I needed to feel his cold, hard lips against my soft, pliable ones. I needed to taste his sweet tongue as it danced with my own. More than that, I needed him to _feel_ those three little words I could not yet say. I knew I had mentally told him, but in this moment, I needed him to _understand_ it, to know the utter truth and depth of it.

"As you wish," he answered, removing his right hand from my wrists, which were still pinned above my head by his left, and gently sliding it down my arm, down my side and settling on the skin exposed between my jeans and where my shirt had ridden up.

The trail his hand had taken left tiny goose bumps in its wake, eliciting yet another involuntary whimper from my throat. "Now, Edward," I begged.

Suddenly his lips crashed down upon my own, and I moaned at finally being granted my request. His tongue found its way into my mouth and collectively our tongues resumed its dance from the day before. I poured all of my love, my commitment, and my determination into our kiss, praying he would recognize and understand it. His hand slid around my hip to the small of my back and pulled impossibly closer to him, yet still, it wasn't close enough.

The minutes ticked on as we gave everything of ourselves in that kiss. It was as if I could tangibly feel our souls intertwining, so completely that we would never again be able to untangle them, never again be as individual souls.

Finally Edward's lips broke contact, leaving me gasping for air. He kissed me gently one last time and released my wrists from their iron shackles. My arms fell limply to my sides and I pressed my palms against the wall behind me.

"Do you understand?" I asked quietly, both terrified and anxious of his answer.

"Yes. I understood perfectly well, Bella," he answered, raising one hand to caress my cheek. I smiled and reached up, encircling my fingers with his, this time letting him lead me out the door.

I spent the majority of the ride home processing the events, and the possible ramifications, of the preceding three days. First and foremost, the Cullens were vampires. This fact I could accept, I had accepted, but the next thought, the one of _I am in love with a vampire, _sent my thoughts spiraling down the slippery slope that would be my future. How was I to handle aging, while Edward remained forever a teenager? What would we tell people? What would we tell Charlie? What would happen when I died, either of old age, disease, or some horrible accident? Most importantly though, how was I to navigate the thin, slippery tightrope between the human world and the vampire world? Was it even possible that I could, without falling to one side or the other?

Secondly, would I be forced to chose? Vampire or human? What if I didn't want to change? Sure being a vampire came with perks, but I wasn't naïve enough not to realize it came with its share of challenges and upsets as well. Would Edward still love me, still stay with me, if I decided to stay human? I liked being human. I liked having things to look forward to, to having my body change as time wore on. Laugh lines, and speckled gray hair, letting the world know that I had _lived_. But at what cost could I keep my humanity? My mortality? What would I have to sacrifice to live on either side of that invisible line?

Thirdly, someone was out to kill me, or simply kidnap, but either way it wasn't good. I was almost positive Carlisle had downplayed the threat, probably hoping like a good human I would let it go. But I didn't let things go…ever. I pursued them to the bitter end, and that was exactly what I intended to do with this situation. I wouldn't stop until I found out why there was a "bounty", or the mystery surrounding my mother's necklace. Even if it killed me in the end, I would die knowing the truth. It was just the way it had to be.

That last thought sent my mind in another direction. Truth. Something tugged on my subconscious. Reminding me of another so-called truth. If the legend of the cold one's were true, were the legends of the werewolf true? Did Jake know? Or was he still convinced his father was insane? I decided now was as good a time as any to find out. To see what other supernatural myths I could squash. If I was going to do it, I might as well do it big, get it all over and done within one weekend.

I pulled over to the side of the road and dug my cell phone from my purse. Dialing Charlie's number, I waited impatiently for him to pick up, drumming my fingers against the steering wheel as I waited.

"Hello?" Charlie answered.

"Dad, its Bella,"

"Hey, kid. You on your way home?" I heard the sound of an empty can being thrown into the recycling, clunking against what sounded like a serious pile of already empty ones.

"Actually, I was, but I think I'm going to head down to Jake's. I haven't seen or spoken to him in weeks and I want to check on him. Is that alright?" I asked, already putting my blinker on and watching the cars pass in the side view mirror.

"Sure, Bells. Have fun," he answered as the distinct pop of another can being opened sounded through the phone.

"Thanks, Dad. I'll try not to be home too late, ok?" I said, pulling off the side of the one-o-one and making a u-turn, heading north towards La Push.

"Ok. Oh, how was your weekend with Alice?"

A small smile formed on my lips as I thought about mine and Edwards departing kiss.

"It was good, Dad. Really good. I gotta go, I'm driving. Don't want me to be a distracted teen driver now, do you?" I asked, laughing as I heard him grunt.

"Bye, Bella," he said.

"Bye, Dad," I sang as I heard him end the call. I tossed the phone on the passenger seat and made the left onto La Push Rd. Suddenly my nerves were on edge. I wasn't sure if my mental state could handle another supernatural truth. But it was the truth that I needed to find out. It was the truth that had me turning around, just minutes from my home, and driving down here in the first place. I needed that truth like I needed air to breathe.

I slowed down as I pulled into Jake's driveway and cut the engine. I sat in the car a moment, steeling myself for a conversation I wasn't sure I wanted to have. Jake was my oldest and closest friend. Even despite the years and physical distance between us. We always had that easy friendship; the one where we could go weeks, months, years without talking and pick up again where we left off, never noticing the time lapse.

The thought of him turning into some supernatural equivalent of a dog bothered me. But the thought of him turning into an oversized dog and me not knowing about it bothered me even more. Suddenly I felt my stomach drop as pieces of a prior conversation clicked into place.

_"Damn dogs," _Emmett had said. Edward had brushed his brother off, sending aggravated glances in his direction. But suddenly I knew what he had been referring to.

_Dogs. Werewolves. Jake._

"Shit," I whispered as the thought formed. I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands, suddenly finding myself overly tired and mentally worn out. I grabbed my pack of cigarettes from my purse and lit one, inhaling deeply as I pulled myself together.

I would give Jake the chance to explain. There was a reason he had kept this a secret. We had never had secrets before, so it must be a pretty damn good reason, but a reason nonetheless. I would accept him the same way I had accepted the Cullens. He was, after all, my friend, my Jake. Looking back it all made perfect sense; his altered appearance, his cryptic replies to my questions, his absolute horror at my befriending a Cullen.

A painful memory unlocked in my brain, a memory I had since long forgotten. The story of werewolves and the cold ones. The war that raged and the hatred that ensued. The fact that the werewolves had come into existence with the purpose of destroying the cold ones. And most importantly the treaty made with the "strange yellow-eyed cold ones".

"Well fuck my life," I said as I stubbed the cigarette out and opened the door. If it really was true, if Jake really was a werewolf, then it meant that the man I loved and the man who was my best friend were mortal enemies, destined to kill each other.

I walked slowly, purposefully towards Jake's front door. Just as I had reached the bottom step to the porch, the front door flew open.

"Bells!" Jake stood just inside the doorway, his forehead leaning against the frame.

"Hey, Jake," I answered, smiling weakly.

"Uh oh. I know that look. And it's never good," he answered, ducking his head to avoid hitting the door frame and stepping onto the porch. He was dressed in only a pair of cut-off sweats, exposing his dark, muscular chest.

I let out an exaggerated sigh and looked up at my best friend. "Yeah, well, I need to talk to you. Let's take a walk," I said, pointing my thumb in the direction of adjoining forest behind me.

"Uh, ok. Sure," he answered. He reached out and clasped my hand in his as he led me across the yard. We walked a few feet down a winding trail and stopped. Jake cupped my face and bent his head, looking me straight in the eye. "What's the matter Bells?"

"First of all, where the fuck have you been, Jacob?" I demanded. "I have called, emailed, and yet nothing."

He exhaled slowly, standing straight up. "That's a bit complicated. How about we start with the easy questions? Hmm?"

"Fine. You want easy, here's easy." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Opening them I looked him straight in the eyes. "Are the legends about your tribe true, Jake? Are you a…werewolf?"

* * *

Chapter title and lyrics by Seether "I've Got You Under My Skin"

Please leave a little love. It makes RL so much happier :-)


	16. Chapter 16  Straight Out of Line

Nothing all that exciting to report. I do hope you all enjoy this chapter though!

I'd like to take a moment to ask you all to check out "Behind the Velvet Rope" by MCGT. I cannot say enough good things about her and this story. It is an amazing piece of work, and I am thankful to be able to be even a small part of it.

Also - check out "Crooked Halo's and Ink Junkies" by ecandme

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_There's no reason  
There's no compromise  
Change in seasons  
Living the high life  
I don't know you  
So don't freak on me  
I can't control you  
You're not my destiny_

_Straight out of line_  
_I can't find a reason_  
_Why I should justify my ways_  
_Straight out of line_  
_I don't need a reason_  
_You don't need to lie to me_

"Jesus, Bella." Jake took a giant step backwards. He was silent for a few moments as his hand rubbed roughly across the back of his neck. "I said easy questions, _easy_, Bella. That is far from fucking easy."

I stared at him, crossing my arms across my chest, and waited patiently as I watched a barrage of emotions project across his face.

"Well since _you_ asked _me_, I guess I'm not breaking any rules here by telling you." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Yes. The legends are true," he whispered.

"Fuck, Jake." I threw my hands in the air and started pacing. "I don't how much more of this I can take. First vampires, now werewolves?"

"So you know about vampires now. Guess the cat's out of the bag about the Cullens, huh?" he said with disgust.

"Yes, Jake. I know about vampires. One tried to _kill _me this weekend," I answered through clenched teeth, continuing my frantic pacing. I had convinced myself that I was prepared to hear the truth, that I would accept Jake for whatever he was. But I found myself cracking, falling apart after days of being held together by nothing but pure stubbornness. Even the strongest of things eventually cracked.

"Kill you? A Cullen? Those fucking _bloodsuckers_! I'll tear them limb from limb," Jake hissed.

I stopped and turned to face him. His massive frame was shaking slightly and his hands were curled into fists. My eyes narrowed as I closed the distance between us.

"Goddamn, Jake, it wasn't a fucking Cullen! Some red-eyed nomad in the woods. The Cullens _saved _me, Jake," I spat inches from his face. Jake recoiled back and after a few moments sighed.

"We couldn't catch him. We tried, but he kept jumping the line, one side of the treaty to the other," he admitted, his shoulders slouching forward in defeat. "I'm sorry that we didn't, and that you were put in danger, and mostly, I'm sorry it was the Cullens who had to save you." He shook his head, turning to absently punch a nearby tree, sending leaves and branches falling unceremoniously to the ground.

I scoffed and threw my hands in the air. "What the shit, Jake?"

"I'm sorry, I don't trust them," he said, wiping the fallen leaves from his hair and shoulders.

I waved my hand in the air dismissively. "That's your problem, not mine."

Jake and I stood in silence, staring at each other for what seemed like hours. Finally, he shoved his hand in his pockets and rolled back on his heels. "So um…now that you know…." he trailed off.

I couldn't help it, I laughed. The whole situation reminded me again why we were friends in the first place. Neither had ever been successful at staying mad at the other. All of our fights ended the same way; periods of silence followed by a change of topic, and suddenly everything was okay again.

"It doesn't matter, Jake. You're still you...just of the over-sized dog variety," I said, laughing. "You can be my new pet!" I ducked out of the way as Jake attempted to wrap his arms around my waist. Standing straight up he pouted.

"Dog? Really, Bella...that hurts," he answered, sticking his bottom lip out even further.

"Aww, come here, mutt. Give me a hug," I responded, opening my arms wide in invitation. He laughed as he closed the distance between us, wrapping his massive arms around my tiny shoulders. He rested his cheek against the top of my head, then pulled away suddenly.

"No offense, Bells, but you _reek_," he stated, making a show of pinching his nose and backing away.

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, slightly offended. "Jesus, Jake. If that's the way you speak to the ladies, no wonder you're still single." I watched as Jake's eyes darted quickly behind me, focusing on his house, before returning to my face.

"What I mean is...you reek of bloodsucker. What'd ya do, rub up against one of them? You're covered in it," he answered.

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as I thought back to the scene in Edward's foyer. Jake's face fell as he noticed my blush.

"Oh, Bells...no," he whispered.

"It's none of your business, Jake. Drop it," I said sternly, shooting him a warning look.

"Fine. But only because there is something I want to show you. But...we _will _discuss this later, Bella," he answered, his tone leaving no room for argument.

I stared at him a moment before I sighed in defeat. I knew Jake wouldn't let it drop, just as I knew had it been me, I wouldn't have either. We were too much alike, he and I. "So what do you want to show me then?" I asked.

"Follow me." He grabbed my hand and practically dragged me behind him to the edge of the clearing in front of his house. "Ok. You're gonna love this, but you _have _to stay here, got it?" he said, his eyes dancing with excitement and a tinge of apprehension.

"Sure, sure," I answered, smiling at the way the use of his catch phrase made him laugh.

"Ok, stay there!" he shouted as he ran to the center of the clearing. I crossed my arms and waited, cautious of what he was he wanted me to see.

I stared at Jake as he looked back at me with a Cheshire Cat like grin. He was up to something, of that much I was sure. Suddenly the air around him started to shimmer, originating from his body and rippling outwards. He crouched low to the ground, placing one hand on the earth and the other behind him, before springing up. His body exploded into an unruly mass of reddish brown fur. My mouth dropped open and I instinctively took a step backwards. Standing before me was no longer Jake, my best friend, but instead I was staring into the deep, dark eyes of a massive wolf. He trotted towards me, stopping a few inches from where I stood. A small, nervous laugh worked its way up my throat as I held my hand out and slowly reached to his fur. Jake leaned his head down, pushing the bridge of his nose against my hand.

"Can you hear me?" I asked, rubbing my palm against the thick, course hair of his nose as one might do to the family dog. His head nodded in response. "Jake this is so fucking cool. Can I like…ride you? You know...like a horse?" A loud gurgling sound erupted from him and I realized he was laughing. Slowly he retreated, turning and disappearing into the forest on the other side of the yard.

"Bella, turn around! I have to go get pants," Jake's voice yelled from somewhere among the trees. I snorted as I turned around and covered my mouth with my hand to stifle my laughter. Less than a minute later I heard footsteps behind me. I spun around and watched as Jake jogged towards me, a shit eating grin plastered on his face.

"Well?" he asked

"Jake…that was….that was amazing."

"I know," he laughed. Suddenly his eyes darted behind me again as his mood became serious. "Bella, there is one more thing."

I raised my eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

"Remember earlier, when you so nicely pointed out that my woman wooing skills were lacking?" I nodded as he grabbed hold of my shoulders. "There's someone I want you to meet," he said as he turned me slowly around to face his house.

Standing in the doorway was a tall, beautiful, dark haired girl. Her face lit up as she looked past me to Jake. I looked at Jake from over my shoulder and saw his smile matching hers. He pushed me forward, forcing me closer to the porch as she stepped out of the doorway. The fading sunlight caught strands of her hair, causing a soft halo to appear around head.

"Bella, this is Michelle," he said softly, letting go of my shoulders as I reached the bottom step of the porch and ascended the stairs to wrap the girl in his arms. He lifted her off her feet and twirled her around as he hugged her close to him, causing her to softly giggle.

I watched the scene, feeling oddly comforted. It was obvious to me that my best friend was in love. The same kind of love I felt with Edward. He placed her back on her feet and stood behind her, wrapping his arms around waist and resting his chin against her shoulder. In response, she wrapped her arms around his and smiled down at me. A sudden pang of jealousy hit me. Not because I had romantic feelings towards Jake, but because I worried about what this would mean for our friendship.

It was obvious as to why he hadn't been around as of late. I was happy for him, but the more selfish part of me cried out for the inevitable restructuring of our relationship. She was now his top priority. Then, insecurity sank in. Would she like me? Would she force him to discontinue our friendship? Would the simple, comforting, physical aspect of our relationship change? Would he no longer be comfortable hugging me? Holding my hand? Letting me curl up on his lap while we watched Grade B horror movies together? Would he even be around to watch them anymore?

"Bella, I know that look. Relax. Nothing will change," Jake said reassuringly. I looked up at him, desperately wanting to believe he was telling the truth. But I knew better. I knew better because I realized that it wasn't just him who was changing. It was me as well. Edward had become my top priority. Edward had already nestled his way into my soul and Edward was the only one I wanted to be with. How could I blame Jake when I was to become guilty of the same things? I knew my time with Jake would become less and less as mine and Edward's relationship progressed. I knew it was Edward I would be snuggling up against as I forced him to watch my awful movies.

Still, part of me cried for the loss of my best friend, both by his actions and mine. My mind reminded me that it hadn't changed yet. He was still here, and he was still my best friend, and I had to do whatever I could to be friends with the woman who had stolen his heart. That in itself would be no easy task as I had never been one known for having _girl _friends. Except in the case of Alice, but she wasn't having it any other way. I found the girls my age to be petty, fake, annoying, and overly flirtatious.

I prayed that she would be different, that by some grace of God she would make this task bearable. And then it hit me. It didn't matter. It didn't matter if she was different, it didn't matter if she was the same as all the other girls I've known. This was my best friends love, and because of that, I had no other option than to love her, as much as I loved him. And also because secretly I knew that I would fight for some semblance of tolerance between Edward and Jake, hoping against hope they would put aside their differences, their natural revulsion to each other, just for the sake of me, as Michelle and I might have to do for Jake.

I smiled up at Michelle, climbing up the stairs with a new sense of determination. I would prove to Jake how easy this could be. "Hi. I'm Bella. It's wonderful to meet you," I said, extending my hand. She reached out and clasped my hand in return.

"I'm Michelle, but you already knew that," she said, laughing as she looked over her shoulder at Jake.

"So you're the one who's been monopolizing my best friend?" I said, my tone light and joking so she knew I wasn't serious.

"Guilty as charged," she answered, releasing my hand. As I stood in front of her, I noticed how distance had not done her justice. She was even more beautiful up close. She was tall, a good 2 or 3 inches taller than I was, with bright, clear, hazel eyes, a small nose and full lips. Her hair was long and dark, with hints of red shimmering as the twilight sun touched each strand.

"Can you stay a bit?" she asked. I pulled my phone from my pocket where I had stored it before leaving the car, and checked the time. It was only **six-thirty.**

"Yeah, I have some time," I answered, following behind Michelle and Jake as they walked back into the house. I stood in the doorway and looked around at the house I had spent so many summers in. Nothing had really changed, it was still small and simple, and that fact made me smile. The years may have passed, but this still felt like home.

"Would you like some coffee?" Michelle asked, moving to stand in the tight, cramped kitchen area.

"I see Jake has filled you in on my caffeine addiction, huh?" I answered, laughing as I sat down on the worn sofa in the living room connecting the kitchen.

"Nah, I'm just psychic," she joked as she stepped around Jake to the small coffee maker on the counter.

"Wouldn't surprise me...," I mumbled. Jake shot me a knowing glance and I sighed. "You too with the super-human hearing?" I asked, a bit more loudly than I had the first comment.

Jake nodded and smiled smugly.

"You know, you people are going to start giving me an inferiority complex."

"Don't lump me in with those parasites, Bella," Jake sneered.

"Jake...," Michelle warned softly, placing one of her small hands against his upper arm. I watched in awe as the disgust drained from Jake's face, replaced with sudden calm, and he let the subject drop. The effect she had on him was impressive and already I liked her a little more.

Jake wrapped his arms around her from behind and whispered something in her ear, causing her to giggle and swat at his shoulder. I tried to turn my head to give them some privacy, but still I could see them out of the corner of my eye. Their movements were synced; when one moved, the other countered. They moved in such a way it was like watching a choreographed ballet, yet it wasn't forced. Their movements were fluid, unintentional, and completely natural. Like a solitary flame that breaks into two, each dancing their own part and then seamlessly joining together again.

It struck me as odd in that moment, how they appeared like season lovers. I was sure that they had not been together when I had moved back to Forks mere weeks ago. Which meant their relationship was in its infancy. How was it then that they knew each other so intimately, having only discovered each other in such a short time?

As Michelle brought the coffee to the living room and set it on the table in front of me, I decided to voice that very question.

"So, how long have you two been together?" I asked, picking up the mug and taking a small sip, looking at Jake over the rim of the cup.

I could tell he instantly understood where my innocent question was heading.

"Three weeks. But...I've been waiting for her my entire life, so three weeks has been heaven compared to the years of waiting," he answered, wrapping his arm around her shoulder as she snuggled into his chest.

"Wow, Jake. That's...that's deep. I never figured you for the romantic," I answered, placing my cup back on the table.

Jake rolled his eyes at my comment and kissed the top of Michelle's head. "Michelle is my imprint, Bella. Three weeks, three years, three decades. It's all the same."

"And that means what, exactly? Your imprint?" I questioned.

"It's a wolf thing, really. An imprint is that one person who was created just for you. When you see her, suddenly she is the only thing tying you to this earth. Not gravity, just her. There's an instant connection...deeper than any superficial connection a normal person could make. And most importantly it's permanent; a solid, never wavering connection. No divorce, no temptations, no _other _person. Just her. Always her," Jake explained, all the while staring directly into Michelle's eyes.

The words and the scene in front of me made me uncomfortable. I wasn't sure I was supposed to be witness to such an intense display of love, yet there I was. And instantly I thought of Edward. And with that thought the pieces clicked into place. How could their relationship have seemed so odd to me a few moments earlier, when it was the same thing I shared with Edward? He had even explained to me in the meadow that vampires mated for life, and it seemed werewolves did as well. I should have seen it, recognized it, because I had _experienced _it...I _was _experiencing it. And suddenly I missed Edward. I longed for the comfort of his touch, his kiss, his being.

I cleared my throat, and suddenly Jake and Michelle seemed to remember I was still in the room. They broke apart, though only slightly, and both smiled apologetically at me. I laughed, completely understanding how to them the world had seemed to melt away around them.

"So, Michelle...what about you? Where are you from?" I asked, resuming my earlier inquisition.

"Well I'm from Pennsylvania originally, but my family and I moved to Seattle about two and a half years ago," she answered.

"So how did you end up in bum-fuck Forks then?"

"Umm, actually, Bella, I don't think-" Jake began.

"No, it's okay, Jake," Michelle interrupted, smiling reassuringly at him. "Actually, Bella, you and I have a lot in common. Almost a year ago my parents died as well. They were traveling home from a second honeymoon in Aruba when their plane went down. Since I had just turned 18, and had no living relatives, I was on my own. So I let their lawyer sell our house and I moved into a tiny apartment in Seattle.

"A few weeks ago I took a road trip down here to First Beach, desperately needing a change of scenery for a few days. That's when I met Jake."

I looked at her closely and could see the same pain and loss in her eyes, reflecting back at me. I had never been good at comforting words, so I was at a loss as to how to reply. I knew her pain; it was my own. I also knew that no amount of 'I'm sorry' would bring her parent's back, or lessen her pain.

"It must be hard, commuting from Seattle to here all the time," I said after a few moments of silence had passed between us.

"Yeah, it was. Finally, about a week ago, I decided that I didn't want to be so far away from him anymore. And since Jake had to stay close to the pack, I packed my apartment and moved in here," she explained.

"Here? As in _here_? This house?" I asked, my eyes widening more than normal in surprise. They both nodded in response. "And how does Billy feel about this?"

"Eh, he understands. He was hesitant at first, I mean, who wouldn't be. Allowing your sixteen year old and his mate to live together," Jake explained, shrugging one shoulder.

My body jerked at the word 'mate'. Edward had used that word to describe me, to describe us. Suddenly, watching Jake and Michelle interact, I realized the seriousness of the bond. They were Edward and I. We were them. I just couldn't see it, being so wrapped up in it. But from the outside looking in, it was clear as glass.

"Are you ok, Bella?" Michelle asked, obviously having noticed the small twitch my body had given in response to Jake's words.

I paused a moment, wondering if wouldn't be better to just keep my mouth shut. But this was Jake, and he was going to find out sooner or later.

"It's weird, isn't it? Being called someone's _mate_? You don't realize the severity of the situation until you see it through someone else," I said to her, reaching down to refill my mug and avoiding both their questioning eyes. I knew in that moment that I had given it all away, exposing my relationship with Edward for both of them to see. Yet a small part of me still hoped they hadn't noticed. I realized I wouldn't be so lucky when Jake suddenly jumped off the couch and landed a few inches from my face, causing my coffee mug to fall to the floor and spill.

"And what would you know about being someone's mate, Bella," Jake growled.

I took a deep breath. "You're not the only supernatural being that mates for life, Jake," I whispered. Instantly Jake was standing, swiping is arm across the table in front of me and spilling the contents to the floor. A pained moan filled the room as Jake continued to let his aggression out, smashing furniture and trinkets to pieces.

Michelle and I watched his tirade, not stopping him, but not afraid either. We both knew we were safe. We both knew we weren't the source of his anger, and soon enough he would tire himself out. Jake's large frame began to violently shake as the words 'I'll kill him, I'll kill him' repeated under his breath.

"Uh oh," Michelle whispered. Suddenly she was on her feet. "Bella, outside. NOW!"

I stood and watched as Michelle crossed the room and placed both her hands on either side of Jake's face, quietly murmuring 'shhhh' as she rubbed her thumbs across his cheeks. I turned and walked out the door, sitting myself on the top porch stair.

_You should have kept you damn mouth shut, _I thought as I buried my face in my hands and waited.

* * *

Chapter title and lyrics "Straight Out of Line" by Godsmack.

I'd really, really love it if you would take a moment to review. I don't usually beg, but just this once?


	17. Chapter 17 Crossroads

**We meet again. I apologize for the long delay in chapters. I had to work through a few months of Writer's block for this chapter to work. I would like to take a moment to thank: MCGT (**_.net/u/1932192/mcgt_**) and Her Mighty UberGeekness (**_.net/u/2129343/Her_Mighty_Ubergeekness_**). Without both, I would have been lost. I love you ladies.**

**Lastly - very exciting news! Amore Vietato was nominated and won an Emerging Swan Award for best Supernatural WIP. Thank you to everyone who gave this story a chance. I love you all!**

**Since it's been awhile, a re-cap: **

_I took a deep breath. "You're not the only supernatural being that mates for life, Jake," I whispered. Instantly Jake was standing, swiping is arm across the table in front of me and spilling the contents to the floor. A pained moan filled the room as Jake continued to let his aggression out, smashing furniture and trinkets to pieces._

_Michelle and I watched his tirade, not stopping him, but not afraid either. We both knew we were safe. We both knew we weren't the source of his anger, and soon enough he would tire himself out. Jake's large frame began to violently shake as the words 'I'll kill him, I'll kill him' repeated under his breath._

_"Uh oh," Michelle whispered. Suddenly she was on her feet. "Bella, outside. NOW!"_

_I stood and watched as Michelle crossed the room and placed both her hands on either side of Jake's face, quietly murmuring 'shhhh' as she rubbed her thumbs across his cheeks. I turned and walked out the door, sitting myself on the top porch stair._

You should have kept you damn mouth shut_, I thought as I buried my face in my hands and waited._

* * *

_If I was perfect then this would be easy  
Either road is plausible, on both I could drown  
I walk through the center with no rules to guide me  
I realize it's difficult, but now I can see_

The minutes ticked on as I waited on Jake's small porch, my face never leaving the safety of my hands. The house was quiet and I briefly contemplated going back inside but couldn't, not sure how I was supposed to face Jake after having made him so angry.

Finally the front door opened and I lifted my head to watch Jake and Michelle step onto the porch, hand in hand. He was no longer shaking, but his face was still tense.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm usually a lot better at controlling my temper," he said quietly. His eyes were trained on his feet. I felt my heart sink at the realization that he couldn't even bear to look at me. He didn't need to explain it, I knew what had almost happened: Billy had almost had a mammoth sized wolf destroy his living room.

Small, angry tears invaded my vision, flowing freely down my cheeks. My best friend had been so angry, so disgusted by me that not only was he unable to look at me, but he had almost phased in his own home. I stood up and frantically swiped at my tears.

"No, _I'm _the one who's sorry, Jake. I'm sorry that I hurt you, that I angered you to the point of almost phasing, and disgusted you to the point where you can't even look at me. But I couldn't help it, Jake, no more than you could with Michelle. It is out of my control, and you know what, I'm okay with that.

"He is everything to me, the same way she is to you. And if you can't accept that, then you of all people should know that _they _come first. I love him, Jake." My words died in my throat as the realization of what I had just said crashed into me. I had said it...I had said, out loud, that I loved him. I hadn't even thought about it, the words had just come. I looked up at Jake. His face was a mix of surprise and horror. I clamped my hand over my mouth and turned, flying down the steps and into my Jeep, slamming and locking the door.

More tears fell as I fumbled with my keys, trying to shove them into the ignition. Jake was knocking at my window, calling my name, but I ignored him and finally got it to fit, starting the car and throwing it into reverse. I drove for a few miles before the tears clouded my vision to the point I couldn't see. I pulled over to the side of the road and let the sobs overtake me. I didn't cry often, but when I did, I went all-out. The tears that fell were for a million things: my slowly crumbling friendship, the new love I had found, the realization that I might just be able to tell Edward with words how I felt, the choices I would be forced to make, and the people I was destined to hurt. All of those things curled and tightened around my heart, causing me to sob harder.

After awhile the tears had run dry and I pulled my car back onto the road, destined for home. Though where that home was, I wasn't yet sure. It felt as if my home was with Edward now, but it was all too soon, too fast. I knew better than to question my feelings for him, but what about everyone else? Undoubtedly they would all have an opinion regarding our relationship. You're too young, you've only know each other such a short while, you're moving too fast, take some time and date before you settle down.

However, I knew there would never be another. I would not "date" anyone else, I would never _want _anyone else. My life was with Edward now, until the time of my death, either my mortal one or my immortal one. I would never question my feelings for him, but as I drove down that deserted stretch of road heading home, I did begin to question his. What had caused him to behave so uncharacteristically as to pin me against a wall and verbalize such a raw, dirty thought? What possessed him to grind his hips into mine, allowing me to feel his desire? He had spent weeks avoiding me, and up until that point, we had only shared one kiss.

I had never witnessed the Edward who stood pressed against me earlier, but I had enjoyed him. _Thoroughly _enjoyed him. I just needed to know where he had come from, what had changed. I made a mental note to ask him the next time we had a moment alone, along with a promise that I would tell him I loved him.

I pulled into the driveway and quickly stole a glance in the rear view mirror. The evidence of my sobfest was fading, but if you looked closely, you could tell. I was banking on Charlie being too preoccupied to notice. With a heavy sigh, I climbed out of my car, grabbed my bags and headed inside.

I heard the TV in the living room going as I stepped into the foyer. I dumped my bag unceremoniously at the foot of the stairs and leaned against the door frame.

"Hey, Dad," I said, giving him my best "I'm fine" smile. He looked up at me from his recliner and narrowed his eyes. I should have known that the Chief of Police wouldn't miss a thing.

"What's the matter, Bells?" he asked, placing his hands on the arms of the chair and raising himself from it. He crossed the room, lifted my chin to look him in the eyes, and then pulled me into a crushing hug.

"Nothing to worry about, Dad. I promise," I whispered into his shoulder.

"Does this have anything to do with the fight you and Jake had?" he asked, releasing me to once more look me in the eyes. The shock he must have seen there had him laughing.

"Oh don't look so surprised, Bells. I may be old, and a man, but I'm not oblivious. He called here awhile ago, said that he needed to speak with you right away, that you misunderstood, he was sorry, and to please, please call him." As he said the last part, his voice had risen to a whiny, high pitched tone.

I burst out laughing at my father's impersonation, imagining that was probably _exactly _how Jacob had sounded.

"Yeah, well, thanks for that message, Dad. And the laugh. But, he can just wait. Let Michelle entertain him until I'm ready to talk," I answered, waving my hand in the air dismissively.

"Oh, la, la," Charlie sang, returning to his chair and picking up an earlier discarded can of beer. "So your fight was over a girl? I didn't think you felt that way about him, Bells."

"I don't. It wasn't about _his _girlfriend, it was about _my _boyfriend, and it seems that young Jacob is displeased in my selection of men," I said bitterly, throwing myself onto the couch across from Charlie.

My confession caught Charlie off guard and he choked on the sip he had taken from his can. "Your boyfriend? Since when are you seeing anyone?" Charlie asked.

I thought about my answer for a moment. Obviously, there was no way to tell Charlie that I had become someone's 'mate', or that that someone was a 109 year old vampire. He also had no way to comprehend the choices this would lead me to make. Seeing as how I was fairly sure that Edward and I would be in the company of each other quite often, lying to Charlie was not an option. Omitting parts of the truth however, most certainly was.

"Well it's been building, really. It started out as a mutual dislike of each other, which then grew into friendship and then I found out we both had feelings for each other, and so it only became official the other day," I finally answered, feeling only _slightly _uncomfortable having to talk about boys with Charlie. When I had first come to live here I had resigned myself to the fact that I would most likely have to eventually talk to Charlie about subjects usually reserved for Mother/Daughter bonding.

"Ah ha, and which fine citizen of Forks has caught my daughters attention?" Charlie asked, smiling at my obvious discomfort.

"That would be Edward Cullen," I mumbled, covering my eyes in anticipation of Charlie's reaction

He was quiet a moment, and I opened my fingers and peered out at him. He was reclined back in his chair, absently rubbing his mustache with his free hand. Finally he cleared his throat. "And there it is, the real reason you wanted to spend the weekend with Alice," Charlie said, shaking his head.

"No, Dad, I swear. I had _no _idea he felt the same way I did until yesterday," I blurted out, desperately trying to get him to understand I hadn't tried to deceive him. There were enough lies that were eventually going to have to pass through my lips, so telling him the truth when possible was critical.

"Bells, relax. While I'm not thrilled you wound up spending the weekend with your new _boyfriend_, I do trust you, and I believe you. Just, you know, make sure you're...uh...safe, ok?" Charlie's cheeks flushed a deep red, reminding me I was more like him than I had originally noticed.

"Ugh, really, Dad?" I laughed as I stood up, walking over and giving Charlie a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'm going to go unpack, shower, and go to bed. It's been a _long _weekend."

I retrieved the bag I had thrown and slowly climbed the stairs, my body exhausted. As I opened the door and stepped into my room, the overwhelming scent of Edward hit me like a freight train. I shut the door and leaned against it briefly, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply the wondrous smell that was _him. _ The small hairs on my neck and arms stood straight up, creating a prickling sensation, and leaving a trail of goose bumps across my flesh. I knew this sensation, knew what it meant. I felt it every time Edward was close. His scent wasn't residual, it was present. _He_was present.

Slowly I opened my eyes, and though my vision was unfocused and blurry in the dim, evening light, I trained them at the chair in the corner. It was the most logical place for him to be.

"Edward."

Silence. For a moment I thought that I was imagining him here.

"Bella," he finally answered.

I stood a moment longer, staring into the dark in the direction his voice had come from. Internally I high fived myself for having guessed correctly at his positioning, and therefore avoided looking like a complete asshole. I waited until my eyes had begun to adjust and then crossed the room, flipping on the bedside lamp.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked, turning to look at him. His face was turned as he was stared out the window into the darkened forest. He didn't answer, and he didn't move. I took a few steps towards him and tried again.

"Ok, let's try this one…how did you get in here?" This time he turned to look at me. His eyes met mine and I could see they had changed from the normal Carmel into a deep black. He raised his hand and pointed his thumb in the direction of the window. Something about the gesture seemed familiar, almost as if I was experiencing déjà vu.

I sat on the edge of my bed and stared at him. I studied the planes of his face, the curve of his nose, the fullness of his lips. I felt my heart rate speed up at the memory of those lips pressed against my flesh. His mouth curved upwards in a half smile as he chuckled. I mirrored his smile and waited for him to start explaining.

He sighed and turned to stare out the window again. "Do you have any idea how worried I was, Bella?"

"Worried? Worried about what?"

"You, Bella. I was worried about you. One minute you're driving down the highway and then _poof_, you're just…gone. I have never been so scared in my existence, and by the time I saw it, it was too late to stop it, so I panicked and took off to find you. It wasn't until just before dark that I remembered-there was no other explanation. You must have gone to see the mutt, which based on your conversation with Charlie just now, it seems I was correct."

He paused to take a deep breath. "I almost broke the treaty, Bella. I almost crossed that line, went down there and brought you back. What were you _thinking_?"

I could see the anger seething under the forced, calm demeanor he was exuding. I was acutely aware of his struggle to control it. The average person wouldn't have been able to see it, but I had studied him long enough to know the signs: the way his fists clenched and unclenched as he spoke, the way his jaw twitched with every sentence. Even his voice had dropped an octave, becoming dark and dangerous.

I felt my own anger rise and bubble, lingering just under the surface. I closed my eyes and took a long, deep breath. Anger on anger would not benefit either of us.

"What I was _thinking_, Edward, was that I wanted to go see my oldest and closest friend. Something I do not need your permission to do. If you almost broke the treaty, then that is on you, not me." I forced my words out slowly, struggling to keep my anger and my voice in check.

"Bella, do you have _any _idea—."

"Wait. Hold on one damn minute. What do you mean 'by the time you saw it'? Were you _following _me?"

He tilted his head to the side and scoffed. "No, Bella, I didn't follow you. I'm not that much of a creep."

"That's funny, coming from the guy who broke into my room through the window and sat in the dark, waiting for me to come home. You could have called, you know, like a normal person."

"In case you forgot, I'm not a normal person, Bella," Edward countered, arching his brow.

"So that makes it OK for you to… you know what, just…never mind. Let's get back to the question at hand, please. If you weren't following me, then how did you see it?"

"Alice," he answered, turning to look out the window again. I stared at him, waiting for him to continue. After a few seconds of silence, it appeared he wasn't going to offer up any more than that one word answer. Frustrated, I stood from the bed and walked to him. Kneeling, I grabbed his chin and attempted to turn his face towards mine. He didn't resist and I felt relieved that he wasn't going to fight me.

"I'm gonna need more than that, Edward. Alice what?" I asked, still holding his face towards mine.

"Alice saw you," he answered, his dark eyes searching mine. I dropped my hand to my side and stood up.

"That's impossible. I thought Alice couldn't see me."

"Normally she can't. However, this afternoon she could. When we participated in Carlisle's little experiment, remember? I didn't see it then because I was so focused on hearing you. She managed to hide the vision from me long enough that once I finally saw it, it was too late for me to do anything." He tilted his head back against the rocking chair and closed his eyes.

I stood for a moment, in shock. I had wondered what Alice had seen, but there hadn't been any time to ask her.

"Edward, look at me." Slowly, almost methodically, his eyes found mine.

"If you knew where I went, why are you so angry? Why almost break the treaty just to bring me back?"

"They are dangerous, Bella. Unpredictable, undisciplined, unstable. You had a fight with him…with Jake, did you not?"

"Yes, but-," I started.

"Do you have any idea what could have happened if he had lost his temper? If for one moment, he was not in control? He could have phased. The consequences of which could have been fatal. Fatal, Bella. Do you understand?"

I nodded as the image of Jake destroying his father's living room flashed through my mind. I had come close. Too close. Except Jake hadn't lost control. He pulled his anger in enough to keep me safe, _us_safe. In my mind, he and Edward were on equal footing in the control department.

Edward stood and wrapped his arms around me. "You are everything to me, Bella. The reason I exist. I could not go on if something happened to you. I just want you safe. You're so fragile, so breakable."

Instantly my muscle's tensed and I went rigid, still enveloped in Edward's embrace. He had struck a nerve and I could feel my anger intensify once again. I pushed against his chest until he let me go and I took a step back, narrowing my eyes at him.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"While to your kind I may seem weak, to my kind I'm pretty goddamn tough. You keep trying to make Jake into the bad guy, but what about you, Edward? You honestly think that you and your family pose no threat to my safety? Just one slip, Edward, one momentary lapse of control, and I'm dead."

Edward let out a growl and he leaned down to look me directly in the eyes, placing his hands on either side of my face. "That is not a possibility, Bella. Neither I, nor my family, would ever, _ever_, harm you, do you hear me? You will always be safe with me. You have to believe that." His eyes were frantic, searching mine with a quiet desperation.

"I do believe you, Edward. I also trust you, but ... I trust Jake as well. Now you have trust me. I have accepted the dangers associated with my choices, and I've made peace with them."

He shook his head as he stood back to his full height. "It's not you that I don't trust, Bella. As for you accepting the dangers … well that's a very naive position to take, don't you think?"

"No, Edward, I don't. The fact remains: it's my decision and not yours. I'm telling you, just like I told Jake, I'm not discussing this anymore. If you don't like it, feel free to leave." I gestured towards the door for emphasis.

We stared at each other as the seconds passed, neither one willing to back down. Finally, he sighed and settled himself back in the rocking chair, once again staring out into the darkness beyond the window.

I grabbed a set of pajamas from the dresser and made my way into the bathroom to change. As I sat on the edge of the tub, I took a few deep breaths, desperate to clear away the residual feelings of anger. It infuriated me that two of the three men in my life were hell-bent on protecting me from the other. Both viewed me as weak and incapable of surviving in their world. Jake hated Edward, and Edward hated Jake. Yet, I loved them both. That was a huge burden to bear; a heavy weight to carry on my shoulders.

Nothing I said, nothing I did, would ever change this fact. I could only sit back and hope for the best; hope that one day they would come to an understanding. Until that day though, I would have to deal with the anger, the jealousy, and the fear.

I rushed through my nightly routine, anxious to get back to my room. A part of me was hoping that Edward had stayed, while the other part, still angry, wanted him to have left. As I walked down the hallway, I worked to reconcile those two parts. I hesitated a moment outside the door, my hand wrapped around the knob. I took a deep breath and pushed it open. I smiled when I saw Edward in the same spot he had been when I had left him.

He turned to look in my direction. "You look relieved."

"Well I wasn't sure what to expect. So yeah, I guess I am." I crossed the room and slid under the covers, Edward watching as I settled myself in the over-sized bed. I could feel the distance between us, like we were each standing on opposite banks of a deep chasm. It made my heart ache to physically be so close to him, but mentally and emotionally so far away.

"Stay with me?" I asked as I patted the open space next to me. The corner of his mouth curved upwards as he nodded and stood from the chair. As he crossed the space between us, he slowly pulled at the hem of his shirt, lifting it above his head. He stopped at the edge of the bed, his back towards the window, and the limited amount of moonlight that filled the room pooled behind him, blanketing him in a soft, white light. Never more had he resembled an angel than in that moment, and I recognized him for what he was; my salvation.

I heard him kick off his shoes before he climbed into the bed next to me, taking care to tuck the covers between us. Immediately I tore them away and pressed my flesh against his. He sighed, but instead of tucking them between us again, he simply pulled me closer into him, wrapping his arm around me and allowing me to use it as a pillow.

We lay in bed for a long period of time, not talking, just content to be on the same side of that gorge. My entire body hummed with contentment. Earlier I had wondered where home was, wondered if it was all too soon. The answer came to me then, in the dark and quiet night, as my body twisted with Edward's; it didn't matter if it was days, weeks, months, or years, home would forever be in Edward's arms.

* * *

**Chapter Title and Lyrics: "Crossroads" Avenged Sevenfold. **

**Phew. This chapter gave me some serious issues. It just didn't want to cooperate! I hope it turned out alright. I am in the process of working on 18, so never fear. xoxo - BJL**


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